Audio Book Review: Never Have I Ever: My Life (So Far) Without a Date

never-have-i-everA few weeks ago I took a drive from San Antonio to New Orleans. This is a drive I’ve done numerous times, but not since I graduated from college in 2006. Back then, I would bring my big ‘ol CD case that held 64 CDs and pick out my favorite albums as my road companions and just drive for 8 or 9 hours. This time I decided that I would find an audiobook to keep me entertained for the nearly 600 mile trip.

After perusing the iTunes audiobook store, I picked out Never Have I Ever: My Life (So Far) Without a Date by Katie Heaney. The book outlines the first 25 years of Heaney’s life without ever having a date. Being able to relate to this author’s Forever Alone status, I thought I would give this one a try.

The book starts with Heaney discussing youngest crushes from kindergarten – those boys that everyone has a crush on. You know, the ones that typically have two first names – John Henry, or super common names so that you can never properly Facebook stalk them when you get older – Mike Smith (I had a crush on a Mike Smith once, but he was my roommate). She then moves on to talk about celebrity crushes. As an adolescent in the 90s she was hit with JTT fevah! Posters everywhere in her room, signing Mrs. Jonathon Taylor Thomas, feeling hurt and let down when he cut off all his hair. And of course keeping record of all this and her crushes in a multitude of Lisa Frank diaries that she can never quite keep track of.

As she gets older, the crushes aren’t just from far away or unreachable people. Each time she talks about a new object of her affection, I wondered, “Why don’t you just freaking go for it already?!” As someone who is usually too aggressive when it comes to crushes, I don’t think anyone has ever told me that. As more opportunities seem to pass Heaney by, I began to grow increasingly frustrated with her inability to act. Of course, then I started anticipating her finally overcoming her fear of talking to boys and actually getting a date or her discovering that maybe she likes girls instead.

I won’t tell you the outcome of the book, but I will say that I enjoyed it. Never Have I Ever was a nice companion to my trip, even though the narrator of the book (Sarah Franco) sounds a bit like Lena Dunham at times. It only took me 8 hours and 11 minutes (yes, I timed it) to get from door to door and the audiobook’s running time is nearly 9 hours, so I had a little bit more to listen to when I got home. I finished the remaining half hour or so while making dinner one night. If you’re looking for something easy to listen to while thinking about your Forever Alone status, you and your cats will probably enjoy this audiobook. I also would think it would be a breeze to read if you’re already starting to make a list of beach reads this summer.

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