Game of Thrones Recap: “And Now His Watch is Ended”

This week, morale is low in Westeros and things get hot in Astapor.

Hot in Astapor. Heh heh heh.

Last week: Robb battled his subordinates while Catelyn mourned the death of her father. Tyrion tried to come to grips with the devastating financial situation that King Robert and Littlefinger put the realm in as the new Master of Coin, while Littlefinger prepares to woo Lysa Arryn (neé Tully). Podrick proved himself to be a gentleman in more ways than one. Arya and the Hound were still held by the Brotherhood Without Banners, and is now without Hot Pie. Jon was ordered to help storm Castle Black by Mance Rayder, while Sam saw the unfortunate Gilly give birth to a son. Theon, the lucky bastard, escaped with the help of an unnamed friend. Stannis contemplated sacrificing a family member, and Jamie unwillingly sacrificed his hand to help Brienne. In Astapor, Dany struck a deal that will finally give the army she needs to take back the Iron Throne.

This week: Jamie, always the golden boy, is now being forced to wear his severed sword hand on a rope around his neck. After falling off his horse, he attempts to fight back against the Bolton men, unsuccessfully, after literally drinking horse piss. Brienne has shifted from captor to cheerleader, in her own way. When Jamie lets on that he’s starving himself to death, she gives him something vaguely resembling a pep talk. “You coward…You have a taste, a taste of the real world, where people have important things taken from them, and you whine and cry and quit. You sound like a bloody woman.” And then you realize that Brienne hates herself. He eats. When she asked Jamie,”Why did you help me?”, I got the feeling that she means “Why would anyone help me?”

Theon and his savior makes their way to Deepwood Motte, held by his sister. Under the castle, Theon admits that the Stark boys are not really dead and that Ned Stark was his real father. A bit late. And then, in a completely fucked up way to fuck with someone’s head, Theon finds himself exactly where he started, with his “savior” looking outright demented. He is not at Deepwood Motte, but back with his captors, and back on the torture rack.

Ros, one of Varys’ “little birds,” reports to the Master of Whispers that Podrick is “hard to describe” in bed, according to the three women he spent time with. Oh my. More importantly, she tells Varys that Littlefinger is taking two feather beds when he leaves, though he hasn’t spoken to Sansa since the first time. Varys, either out of affection for Sansa or a desire to fuck with Littlefinger (or both), goes to Lady Olenna Tyrell. A plan is made.

Sansa, still in many ways “a babe in the woods” as Varys called her, thinks only of her chance to escape with Littlefinger. Margaery finds her at prayer, and the plan is revealed: if Sansa is betrothed to her brother Loras, then they will be able to move her out of the grasp of both Littlefinger and, to some extent, Joffrey. Sansa is both too naive and too excited by the prospect of being Mrs. Loras Tyrell to grasp the political significance of this match at the moment.

Tyrion needs to know how his sister is going to try and kill him next. Naturally, he goes to Varys, hoping that the spymaster will clue him in to the whisperings of his little birds. Instead, Varys tells him he has no proof of anything and then he finally begins telling Tyrion how he was castrated as a child, while trying to pry open the lid of a big box. As it turns out, you can do magic with certain parts; this, Varys also explains, is why he really didn’t want Stannis and his demon-baby mama going anywhere fast. He advises Tyrion to wait, and then the box is opened to reveal one very unfortunate sorcerer. “You will get your revenge in time.”

Joffrey is truly an appalling little shit. While he gleefully takes Margaery on a tour of all the tombs of Targaryens who met nasty ends, Cersei and Lady Olenna discuss the wedding plans sees someone who is very like herself. Margaery continues to wind Joffrey around her little finger, and Cersei sees in Lady Olenna a woman very much like herself. Hearing the roar of a crowd outside, Margaery encourages him to open the doors and greet them. The crowds do like Lady Margaery, and Joffrey for the first time experiences what it would be like to have the love of the people. Whether he realizes their cheers are not for him is doubtful.

Cersei tries to get a rise out of Tywin after her discussion about the relative merits of men and women with Olenna Tyrell, but fails. To her demand that he place trust in her instead of her brothers and give her more say in what happens, he ends that right quick. The only thing she had to do was control Joffrey, and she failed in that. “I don’t distrust you because you’re a woman. I distrust you because you’re not as smart as you think you are.” EmmaStoneOoooBurn.gif.

Morale is clearly low in the Night’s Watch. Rast, who tried to leave Sam behind on the march, tries to stir up discontent among the weary and hungry Rangers. Grenn and Edd at least don’t seem to be falling for it. Sam attempts to talk to Gilly, but she isn’t having it. She has a baby boy, but not for long. After burning the body of one of their own (“I never knew Bannen could smell so good,”), the Rangers and Craster sit around the fire, and things go to shit quickly. After accusing Craster of serving them sawdust bread and calling Craster a bastard, Rast and one of his discontented buddies (Burn Gorman, Torchwood) provoke Craster into fighting. When all is said and done, Craster is dead, Lord Commander Mormont is dying, brothers are fighting brothers, and Sam is on the run with Gilly and her infant.

Arya, Gendry, and Sandor are taken to the super-secret hidey cave of the Brotherhood Without Banners. Leader Beric Dondarrion, who was ordered to take down Gregor Clegane by Ned Stark in earlier days, explains their mission: member of any army who mess with the poor or the weak will be punished by the Brotherhood. The group has turned to the Lord of Light, under the guidance of Thoros of Myr, the Red Priest. Not having been able to get brother Gregor, they look to Sandor as the next best thing. The Hound isn’t having it, and as it turns out, he’s in the right; all the sins they try to lay on him were actually carried out by his brother. But Arya isn’t going to have that either. What about the butcher’s boy? That’ll work. Sandor and Beric will meet in a trial by combat. The Hound versus fire.

As Bran continues to dream of the three eyed raven, it still continues to elude him, flying away when he gets close. Jojen intervenes and tells him to go after the raven, now in a tree. He has to climb. But when the form of his mother appears in the tree, she fights him, making him promise not to climb, then grabs him, making him fall once again.

And the best for last. The time has come for Dany to turn over Drogon and gain her army of Unsullied. Which she does, but Dany has other plans. Once the Unsullied are under her command, she proves that she is not one to be fucked with. She orders the Unsullied to kill the masters and the slave drivers, and to free every slave while Ser Barristan and Jorah look on in shock. She tells Drogon to start setting shit on fire. He starts with Master Kraznys. Hell yeah. Why didn’t she tell Jorah and Ser Barristan? Was it punishment for their previous public disapproval? A message that they are not the boss of her? Either way, Dany don’t need no man. The Unsullied make short work of their former masters. She sets the Unsullied free, and as one they agree to stay with her as an army of free men. Dany is on her way.

All screenshots taken by the author.