You think you know Bots? Think again. I recently had the pleasure of asking our overlord some probing questions. Okay, the questions are not really that probing, but my guess is you’ll all learn a thing or two about him by the time you finish reading this post! I emailed Bots my list of questions. Before he even got to answering my questions, his response began:
“WOO HOO.”
That’s right, bitches. It was on. Without further delay:
You have to relive one day in your life exactly as it happened. Nothing about it is changeable. You get to pick the day. What day and why?
My wedding day. Hahaha. I’m kidding! (Stab me now.) That’s a tough question! I think I would have to go with News Year’s Eve, 1998. My brother and I don’t get to hang out together much anymore, but he came and visited me when I was a student in France and we spent New Year’s in Paris. New Year’s Eves rarely deliver on their promise but that one turned out to be one of those epic nights where we met all these crazy people. I think I hooked up with a Danish(?) girl right there in Place St-Michel. We walked around for hours drinking booze with random people and it felt like there were no strangers in the entire world.
What is your idea of a perfect birthday?
I get sooooo sick of celebrating everyone’s birthday, so I’d be a hypocrite if I made a big deal out of mine. I guess, all things considered, I’d say it would involve some sort of illegal warehouse party.
Fuck / Marry / Kill: Araabmuzik; Bassnectar; Skrillex.
I guess I’d have to marry Araabmuzik and kill Bassnectar. I guess Skrillex is the most fuckable with that My Little Pony hairdo of his. (Please stab me now.)
Of all the big trips you’ve taken on your motorcycle, which is your favorite and why?
Back in March of last year, I found myself in a really difficult place in life. I got laid off from my job and was right in the middle of my divorce. It was the culmination of about a year and a half of personal turmoil and I was ready to get the fuck out of Atlanta and move back “home” to Philly (even though I hadn’t lived in Philly since I was 18). I rode my motorcycle from Atlanta to Philly — mostly along the Blue Ridge Parkway. On the first day, I got caught in a snow flurry just East of Asheville, N.C. which scared the hell out of me. By the end of the first day, My fingertips were horribly frostbitten (I actually had tingling in my fingertips for months afterward). Still, it was an amazing trip with amazing scenery on some legendary roads that were totally empty — except for that one speed trap cop who nailed me. Motorcycling is great because not only is it pleasurable, but it’s a total escape from daily worries. It’s the perfect form of therapy.
Would you rather watch the sun rise or set?
Definitely set. I’m not a morning person. Leave me alone and let me sleep off the booze.
If you weren’t in your current profession, what line of work would you be in?
I’d like to either play percussion for Sheila E’s band or be a train engineer. I would drive the fuck out of some locomotives.
Do you like surprises?
NO. I’m really weird about the need to plan things ahead. I don’t deal well with last minute changes and shit. I like to operate with military-like precision.
Tell us about a favorite teacher from your school days.
That would be my high school history teacher, Mr. Heidelberger. His classes were always easy to me because he treated us like a college class where we could argue and debate topics. I always felt like he genuinely gave a shit what we thought about the issues.
Tell us about a least favorite teacher from your school days.
Well at the time, in the seventh grade, I had this old battle-axe named Mrs. Bowman. She taught English but she wasn’t up on all that new wave hippity hoppity type shit. She taught some motherfucking old school English. We spent like MONTHS diagramming sentences, with an occasional rant about the “Vietnam generation” thrown in. At the time I hated her, but in hindsight she was trying to make sure we didn’t turn into Twitter morons and she hated hippies… so she was pretty much on point.
What would the Crassholes be shocked to learn about you?
I’ve never had a broken bone or stitches or been in a hospital (other than visiting other people).
What is your favorite thing about Atlanta?
Clermont Lounge! No, I love Atlanta’s soul and its spirit. When you cruise around the ATL on a humid summer night, you can’t help but feel it.
What is the last Good Deed™ you did?
I guess it would be the other day when I stopped to help out a motorcyclist who was stranded on the side of the road. I’ve been stranded before myself and it absolutely SUCKS. In general, though, I’m not a very selfless person so I feel like I should do more to share my Botswana Philsophies and whatnot with the youth of tomorrow.
How does a rainy day make you feel?
I hates em, because it’s a day I can’t ride my motorcycle without getting soaked. I will say, though, that I absolutely LOVE going to sleep to the sounds of rainfall. I recently was talking to someone about this and mentioned that I like sleeping with my bedroom’s storm windows open so I can hear the rain/birds/crickets/gunshots/etc. She told me I should just get one of those Sharper Image sleep alarm clocks that play ambient noise instead. Kids today! (Shakes head.)
You’re going to be executed. What’s your last meal?
I’m completely insane for Latin and Caribbean food, so I want to say Jamaican oxtails with rice and peas. But I’m gonna go with tacos al pastor. I can destroy some Mexican food.
True or false: You keep a detailed list of Crasstalk Enemies.
TRUE. But it’s a short list that begins and ends with Offkie. He is my arch-nemesis and chief rival. He is like one of the villains in those weirdo anime movies he watches.
Do you have any regrets about starting Crasstalk?
Never! Crasstalk has been a labor of love. When I think about real friendships (and even marriages, ahem) that have come about since we all came together here, I’m insanely proud. I think the happiest moment I ever had here was when one of p_mouse’s family members came on the site after his passing and mentioned how happy she was to see that he had so many good friends here. Crasstalk isn’t an escape from our IRL world… it IS real life and real friendships.
Pic via
