Ok, so I’m a happily married Gay who gets kissed more than his fair share, sometimes as gratitude for a taystay dinner and sometimes – the best times – just because. Let’s review some smooching stuff before Monday, ok?
Kisses derive from something immensely gross – an adult mammal passing chewed-up food to a youngun. But we love to kiss – at least, those of us with passion do, and it is a language all its own.
The Blown Kiss: “Daddy, I’m on a roller coaster!” or “You vicious ex-wife.” Either way, it has little meaning.
The Euro / Hollywood / WASP Air Kiss: This one says “I publicly ally myself with you, and I respect your makeup artist.”
The Kitty / Doggie / Toddler Kiss: You have always been nice to me, and as a fine judge of character, I pronounce you to be desirable company. The intent is pure and sincere.
The Neck Rub With Scruff: Obviously for men only. Dude, take your unshaven (but clean!) chin and run it down the side of the neck of your beloved, very lightly, while adding kisses along the way. He or she will go absolutely insane.
The Face Caress: For either gender, but women are better at it. Softly run your hand along your beloved’s jawline, then kiss him or her. This makes them “yours”,
The Big Bro Kiss: “I am secure in my masculinity and honesty to the point where I can publicly take you in my arms and declare that you are my family. I do not care if you are my buddy or my best friend’s wife, you are someone who I would take a bullet for and I don’t care who knows it. ” (Often tear-inducing.)
The Big Sis Kiss: “Were you having a crisis? You aren’t now. I’m here and you can let it all out. And, since I’m a Strong Woman, I will fix it. Oh, and about Mom? Yes, she is a bitch, and no, it isn’t you.”
The Man Sex Kiss: “You’re the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen and I must have you right this minute and please do me the honor of letting me take you, over and over again, because you’re so damn hot and all I can think about is you and your body and where to touch next.”
The (Straight) Woman Sex Kiss: “If you don’t take this to the next level I will scream and I may scream anyway because you smell like a man who I want to make a baby with even though I can’t do that now and your eyes make me feel like the most desirable thing on the planet and I want and need and need and want.”
The I Love You Kiss: There are no words, but there is a process. It’s a kiss, followed by eye contact, then another kiss.
53 thoughts on “Valentines Kisses”