“I believe that we are all spiritual beings having a human experience, and not the other way around.” –
This is the third in an ongoing series of Crasstalk posts regarding spirituality.
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In the comments of another post, I joked that I could write this column while being an asshole. I got so much encouragement for the idea that I decided to try. Since I’m really not that good of an actress, instead of being a bitch, I decided to write about when spiritually-oriented people are assholes, and vice versa.
First, I’d like to dispel the myth that people on a spiritual path must be kind, nice and even-tempered 100% of the time. A great teacher of mine once told me that her path to loving all beings was fraught with challenges, and that the most spiritual she could bring herself to be in traffic was to flip off drivers who cut her off and scream, “I’m sending you love, asshole!”
Personally, my patience is tested when it comes to anything political. It is a Sisyphean task for me to not profoundly judge people who are anything other than liberals (to the left of Dennis Kucinich). The most intensive challenge for me is acknowledging our common humanity. In truth, my boyfriend has had to remind me numerous times that hate is not a spiritual tool.
The greatest obstacle of anyone endeavoring to pursue an inner life is anyone or anything that tests his or her longstanding beliefs. Paradoxically, your worst enemy may turn out to be your most profound teacher, because those most unlike ourselves often teach us more than those with whom we have much in common. A good friend of mine has a favorite line that he uses on people who either come at him with unbridled animosity or adoringly heap praise upon him. He replies simply: “I’ll bet you say that to all the mirrors.”
Since I was very young, my innate tendency has been to try to understand where other people are coming from. I don’t revel in confrontation, and if someone attacks me personally I will usually try to diffuse it: a kind of spiritually tolerant aikido. But I don’t suffer fools gladly, and if someone crosses me after I’ve given them the benefit of the doubt and the magnanimity of my kindness, I unceremoniously cut them out of my life without looking back.
I am always pleasantly surprised when someone whom I have perceived as intrinsically shallow or bitter turns out to have become that way purely by circumstance. As with the examples above of when spiritual people are assholes, when assholes are spiritual it’s often out of character and somewhat jarring. Just as I laughed at and learned from my teacher’s self-deprecating admission which now titles this post, I’ve also received rich insights from people whom I thought for sure wouldn’t know a burning bush if it blew up in their face (Don Henley’s lyrical turn of phrase).
Thanks for reading and commenting, assholes.
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