Deming, New Mexico’s Very Own Executive Inn, Reviewed

Sign advertises amenities and prices and misspellings don’t render it unreadable. It’s not attached to a church so no fear of threats to send me to hell: +3

Adorable family who either owns or manages. Mom offered me Advil because she knew I’d been driving for 11 hours. Dad offered me bottled water and moved his car so I could park right in front of my room. Kids were cute, even the one who was picking his nose: +4

Cheap ($36 including tax): +20

The motel doors all face the parking lot (no interior corridors): -6

Acceptably clean—no bugs, no toilet ring or hair in sink, smelled OK from what I can tell while recovering from a cold: +7

No visible bullet holes (or they are patched really well): +2

Weird bathroom curtain that must be totally sheer with the light on, and the cracked and non-locking window in said bathroom is creepy. Until it is light outside, I’m not turning on the light on to go to the toilet: -25

The bathtub/shower is in a separate room from the creepy bathroom: +5
It has no window. Normally this would be a -5, but in this case: +8

Janky wiring of cable from the room next door, along the ceiling and over to the TV: -3
And visible wiring from lightswitch next to the door to the light above the door: -3
But it’s effective: +3
At least paint the wires white so they don’t stand out: -2
But I’ll be asleep for most of the time I’m here and won’t have to look at them: +2

Wooden bar holding the curtain down while the AC is on is inelegant: -5
But it’s effective: +3
But really, it should be painted along with the wires: -2
I’ll be asleep for most of the time I’m here and won’t have to look at it: +2

Fridge, microwave and coffee maker included: +5
(18)

I feel safer than I thought I would: +7
It could just be the gun I brought: -8

Motherfucking cuntfaced bitch ass monkey cum dumpster fuck! Trains outside my window: -792

Life-size rearing horse and angry bear statues in front: +824

Total: +49. Would probably stay here again.