For the third year in a row, I’m going to volunteer myself for a liveblog of the MTV Video Music Awards. I will disclose now that I am traveling and if I’m delayed, this will just turn into a VMA OT. I hope to be with you all for this shit show. ETA: Flight was on time! I’m here. Let’s do this, bitches!
Here are the nominees for a few of the most coveted awards:
Video of the Year:
- Beyoncé ft. Jay Z, “Drunk In Love”
- Iggy Azalea ft. Charli XCX, “Fancy”
- Miley Cyrus, “Wrecking Ball”
- Pharrell Williams, “Happy”
- Sia, “Chandelier”
Best Pop Video:
- Ariana Grande ft. Iggy Azalea, “Problem”
- Avicii ft. Aloe Blacc, “Wake Me Up”
- Iggy Azalea ft. Charli XCX, “Fancy”
- Jason Derulo ft. 2 Chainz, “Talk Dirty”
- Pharrell Williams, “Happy”
Best Rock Video:
- Arctic Monkeys, “Do I Wanna Know?”
- Black Keys, “Fever”
- Imagine Dragons, “Demons”
- Linkin Park, “Until It’s Gone”
- Lorde, “Royals”
Last bit of the pre-show: Britney Spears or Katy Perry?
8:02 – Seriously, Nicki messed up this song.
8:04- Nicki, I just saw you pick a wedgie.
8:06 – Tha hell happened to Nicki’s clothes?
8:08- Gwen Stefani does not look like she had a baby recently.
Best Female Video – Katy Perry f/Juicy J. “Dark Horse”
8:20- This is only the second time I’ve heard this Taylor Swift song. Not sure how I feel about it.
Best Male Video – Ed Sheeran “Sing”
I either really like his songs or really hate them. There really is no in between for me.
8:34 – I think I’m excited to see Dumb and Dumber 2.
Best Pop Video – Ariana Grande “Problem”
8:37 – I don’t think Iggy Azalea is attractive. There. I said it.
8:38 – How much make- up is KKW wearing on her boobs?
Best Hip Hop Video – Drake “Hold On”
8:54 – I love Jay Pharaoh.
8:57 – Where’s Ursher been?
Best Rock Video – Lorde “Royals”
Oh look, a commercial for a Denzel movie that’s pretty much the same movie he’s been in for the last 10 years.
9:15 – I do like this band. Their one song is super catchy.
Artist to Watch – Fifth Harmony.
Who? What? Seriously never heard of these girls before.
9:32 – Is this that Ratchet By Numbers song?
Maybe not but it’s definitely not any better.
9:43 – I’m a little surprised that Maroon 5 has been around as long as they have. I like them, but I didn’t think they would have many hits past Songs About Jane.
9:46 – Oh, Jimmy. No one in that room carries cash.
Video of the Year – Miley Cyrus “Wrecking Ball”
That’s a bit of a surprise, no?
9:48 – Katy Perry in the background like, “What the Fuck?”
Beyonce’s really running this show.
10:03 – So much glitter on those asses.
10:12. LOL Beyonce. We know you don’t sweat.
And that’s all she wrote. Until next year, folks!
