Last night, I went to our state fair, which I haven’t been to in decades. As a fully grown woman, I can say I had the most fun I have ever had at the fair.
Our first stop, and reason for going, was the demolition derby. I had only seen these in passing on…television? Dukes of Hazard? I actually don’t know where I had seen one before but when I saw the woman driving a pink car that had “I <3 CATS” painted on the back, I knew I was supposed to be there on this night. They had a “beauty contest” for the cars before they got to the demolition party and Pink Cat Lady won. The announcer said it was her first derby. Uh-oh. I knew immediately that she was in Soul Danger once the smashing began.
The arena counted down to “GO!” and when all the other cars headed for the center, Pink Cat Lady just started driving around the outside of the arena in a circle, with her driver’s side door in the inside. Because the driver’s will be disqualified if they hit another driver’s door, Pink Cat Lady went unscathed for a while, just cruising around like a spectator while the menfolk smashed the crap out of each other. It was hilarious. She eventually got rammed from the back and pushed out up over the berm by more than one car.
Watching these guys spin around in the mud, employing evasive tactics and then ramming into each other was so satisfying! They got their trunk and hood-less cars to somehow continue to run on bent up wheels while the engines are smoking and sparking. OH! These cars were not reinforced! Insane! There was a very skilled driver who used disabled cars as both shelter and weapons, pushing them into other cars. He was the favorite but his car betrayed him when there were only three left and he sadly didn’t win.
Next, came the rides. My friend convinced me and his girlfriend to do the Mega Drop by basically running up and paying for us before we could object. The Mega Drop is one of those long straight down drops while sitting in a seat that is surrounded by nothing.
We slowly rose to 140 feet in the air. I opened my eyes at only one point during the whole thing – that was while we paused at the top. When we dropped, my legs flew into the air and my butt lifted off the seat. I thought I was going to meet my maker. When we got to the bottom and our seats unlocked, I jumped off and took a knee (but I was laughing uncontrollably).
Our next stop on the trip to my death was the G-Force ride. Seemed less terrifying than the Mega Drop. It was not, and here’s why:
I was able to hold onto my friend’s hand until it really got going and then I was gripping my seat so tightly that I had indentations on my arms when we were done. Again, I opened my eyes only a few times but when I did and all I saw was the black sky, I kept them closed for the rest of the time. It was at that point that my brain felt as though it were floating untethered around my head. I also lost most of my voice after that. We needed a time out.
We walked around for a bit and played some of the impossible games. Prizes were won. We decided on one more ride. This is the ride you go on with your boyfran/girlfran when you’re younger and full of life and won’t hate each other afterwards because you are so in love. You sit in a slippery bench seat and then the ride sends you spinning backward so quickly, that the inside people SQUISH those on the outside. There is no amount of strength within you to stop it.
Then it was time to eat. Fair food is obscene. Huge portions of things you would never ever eat or even think to make. A staple at our fair is Indian Fry Bread. You can make it sweet with powdered sugar and honey, or more like a taco. I went for the taco option, seeing as how this was my dinner. Need I say that it’s delicious? It is. Next up was red velvet funnel cake. We went for the option of adding chocolate syrup and powdered sugar. It melted in my mouth.
Finally, I had to try the deep fried something-that-shouldn’t-be deep fried. There were deep fried peanut butter cups, Pop-Tarts, cheesecake, red velvet cake, Snickers and other heart stoppers. Never having had the dessert that started this trend, I went for the fried Oreos. Manna from Heaven. You’re going to want to eat this before (as?) you die.
The entrance fee to the fair was a reasonable ten dollars because of course, they get you on the ride tickets. The food and beverages were no more or less expensive than any sporting event. The people watching is some of the best you’ll ever encounter, especially if you go at night. There were exhibits that we missed, like the giant alligator, pig, and steer, but I couldn’t bring myself to see those sad animals.
All in all, it really is a great way to spend a fall day or evening. I will now spend my day drinking nothing but water and green juice – UGH.
