Starks

And now, my friends, we have come to the end. 

The Stark men are being slaughtered by the Freys. Sandor, with Arya riding unconscious in front of him, surveys the chaos. She comes to just in time to see her brother’s body paraded out of the gates on a horse with Grey Wind’s head attached to his neck. Arya is out of options; Sandor turns the horse around and leaves.

Sansa seems actually happy with her new husband, but that is to be short lived. Tywin calls a meeting of the small council to share the news of Robb and Catelyn Stark’s deaths. Joffrey tells Pycelle to order Bolton to send Robb Stark’s head to him so that he can serve it to Sansa at his wedding. Cersei tries to cover for him, but he won’t take the hint. This earns him a lightly veiled death threat from Tyrion. Joffrey pathetically looks to Tywin for him to do something, but Tywin ignores him. Until Joffrey says that Tywin “hid in Casterly Rock” while his father (ha) won the war by killing Rhaegar Targaryen that Tywin lays down the law. The king is sent to bed without his supper, led by the hand by his mummy. With a line that I’m sure Crass Parents have heard before, he turns to protest that he is not tired. The great and terrible Joffrey, soon to be married, has hit his terrible twos.

Keeping Tyrion after the rest of the council has left, Papa Lannister presses Tyrion to get Sansa pregnant—whether she wants to have sex with him or not. It’s Tyrion’s duty to his family. Tywin’s great sacrifice for the good of the family: he didn’t kill Tyrion when he was born. Tyrion walks out and goes to Sansa; someone has beaten him to the punch.

Roose Bolton and Walder Frey have a gloat while servants scrub blood off the floor of the hall. Why did Walder Frey break guest right? Because he’s a thin-skinned little man who got his feelings hurt. Ditto Bolton. Robb’s great crime was ignoring his advice. For his betrayal, the Late Lord Frey will get the Tully’s Riverrun. Bolton will be Lord of Winterfell and Warden in the North. Bolton reveals to Filch Frey that his bastard son Ramsay Snow took Theon as his guest after the ironborn gave him up. After flaying the rest of the men.

Well now we know for sure: Ramsay Snow. His latest torture was cutting off Theon’s penis and then making jokes about it to him. While eating a sausage. Next he takes his identity. Theon Greyjoy is no more; now he is Reek. On the Iron Islands, Balon Greyjoy receives a box and a note from Ramsay Snow; Yara opens the box to find what Ramsay took away, while Balon reads the note. Ramsay threatens more damage if Balon does not remove the men of the Iron Islands from the North immediately. Balon is not going to help him; he disobeyed orders and is no longer a man, in his eyes. But Yara is.

Sleeping in the Night Fort makes Bran edgy. The tales Nan told him when he was little included the story of a man who was turned into a giant rat by the gods because he cooked the king’s son in a pie and served it to the king while they were guests there. The gods don’t like people who break guest right. And things start going bump in the night. Bran wakes to the sound of voices in the well. But as it turns out, it’s just Sam and Gilly. They have gotten past the Wall somehow, and Bran asks him to show them the way. Bran feels it’s his only option. After giving Bran the dragon glass that he found, they part ways.

Sam reaches Castle Black and brings Gilly to Maester Aemon; after reassuring him that he has not forgotten his vows and that he did not father Gilly’s baby Sam, Aemon allows her to stay as a guest. Then he gets busy. All their ravens are flying tonight.

Jon Snow is on the run to Castle Black. Ygritte catches up to him, a bow to her arrow. He tells her that she knew he was loyal; he knows that she won’t hurt him. She says that he knows nothing, and she might be right, because after he tells her that he loves her she puts an arrow in his back. And another in his leg. And then a third. He manages to reach Castle Black, collapsing at the gate.

Jaime reaches King’s Landing, and is no longer recognizable. Some men order him out of the way as soon as he steps throughout the gate. But he reaches Cersei.

Back at Storm’s End, Ser Davos pays a visit to Gendry in the dungeon. Gendry is understandably wary of making a new highborn friend, but Davos convinces him that he was born in the same ‘hood. Gendry feels stupid for falling for Melisandre’s trick, but Davos reassures him. When word of Robb’s death reaches Storm’s End, the decision is made. Gendry will be sacrificed to the Red God, over the protestations of Ser Davos, who cannot stand the thought. He sneaks into the dungeon at night and frees Gendry, gives him supplies and a boat and tells him to get away, as fast as he can. Unlike Shae, Gendry takes the advice. When this is discovered, Stannis sentences him to die. As a last ditch effort, Davos gives him the message from Maester Aemon. Lord Mormont is dead, the White Walkers are coming; even Melisandre changes her tune. The battle they need to be fighting is in the North, and Stannis needs Davos.

Meanwhile, Varys seeks out Shae. Shae loves Sansa, and that has been obvious since Sansa had her first period. But Shae and Varys are also lowborn; they know they are not considered equals, no matter who they’re fucking (literally or figuratively). Varys offers her an out; he gives her money and tells her to get out while she still can. He tells her that he knows that she loves Tyrion, but that it’s better for everyone if she leaves. She senses that something else is behind it; she throws the money back at him and says that Tyrion can tell her to leave himself if he wants her to.

“It’s not easy being drunk all the time. Everyone would do it if it were easy.” A line that could have easily been said by any one of this site’s founders. Cersei tells Tyrion to get Sansa pregnant so that she could have some joy in her life. Even Joffrey was an adorable little baby once.

The Canidae Family Road Trip keeps going on swimmingly. Happening upon a bunch of Frey men who are boasting of the parts they took in murdering the Starks around, Sandor and Arya stop for a wee bit of killing and a light dinner. After Arya plays innocent to get close to them, she kicks it off with a knife to the neck. When it’s done, Sandor has a fatherly reprimand: “Next time you’re going to do something like that, tell me first.”

The battle over and won, Dany stands outside the gates of the city Yunkai. She is worried, but finally the gates open and a great mass of slaves exit to stand in front of her. In a scene that made me a little very uncomfortable, they reach to her, calling her “mother”. Liberation Tour 2013 is a success! She dispenses with her guard and walks into the crowd, her dragons flying triumphantly above her.

Season three is done!

Side note: I know I’ve been late and rushed and whatever with these recaps, but I just want to take a second to thank you all for your patience with me. Thanks for all the comments!