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The queens are sad that Jade has sashayed away. Not too sad, I’m sure, but with half the competition now gone, things are getting closer in every sense. Coco says she can’t let Ru down again. Coco, you’ve been letting yourself down most of all. Get with it. The queens congratulate Ivy on winning the challenge, and their praise really does seem louder and more genuine than when they congratulated Jinkx last week. Oh well. Don’t let it get you down, Jinkxy. In the confessional interview, Roxxxy talks some more shit about Jinkx. Maybe you should focus more on your own flaws, twunt. I am so tired of Roxxxy Andrews, and no tearful childhood trauma revelation is going to change that. Hit the jump for this week’s Drag Race Index.

The very first RuPaul Roast in Drag Race herstory! I hope this becomes a repeat challenge the way Snatch Game did because this shit was good. But I’m getting ahead of myself. The mini challenge this week was the reading challenge! I remember this mini challenge coming closer to the end — when there are maybe four or five goils left? No matter, I was happy to see it, and this group did pretty damn well with it over all. Alaska won, and it was well deserved, but feel me when I say that nobody is ever going to top what Jujubee did in season 2. As mentioned, the main challenge was to roast RuPaul. Michelle Visage did a workroom visit, and it was clear some people were struggling greatly with it. Alyssa laughed and laughed at her own jokes, but they weren’t actually funny. Roxxxy’s jokes were just cruel and insulting (a bit Delta Work, if you ask me, but you didn’t, but I’m writing this thing so shut up betch). Coco’s plan to play a character seemed like it might go either way. We saw least of Alaska and Jinkx during the workroom visit (and the practice with the comedy coaches — hi, Bruce Vilanch!) which was a sure sign they were going to rock the challenge. And they did. On to the index, kittens!

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Click to enlarge! Are you ready? Can you handle it? Okay.

Jinkx Monsoon

Jinkx snuck up behind this challenge, knocked it down, beat it to death with her bare hands and buried its corpse in an unmarked grave. We all know by now that she has comedy skills, and we got to see some of that during Snatch Game, but tonight she shined even brighter. But! This was a given. The surprise was that she adjusted her makeup technique and donned an outfit so fucking glam it was ridonkulous, and Michelle Visage responded very positively. Yes! Srsly, I’m a little disturbed by how warm and fuzzy it made me feel to hear Michelle praise Jinkx on the main stage. Sigh. Keep it up, Jinkx. Barring any catastrophes, you will be in the top three, competing for the crown.

Alaska

Alaska very smartly decided to distance herself from the Ro-Laska-Tox clique. She won the mini challenge for her amazing reading skills and when it came time to decide the order for the main challenge, she wasn’t at all calculating about it. Was it a mistake to go first? It might have been, but she was very strong so I don’t know if saving herself for later would have had much/any benefit. The queens were going to do well or fail whenever their turn came, right? Right. I supposed putting someone like Roxxxy or Alyssa first might have added to their nerves and made their bad performance even worse, but at the end of the day, the order had little bearing on who did well and who didn’t. On the main stage, Michelle said she’s tired of seeing the same silhouette from Alaska every week. Okay, maybe she needs to show some more variety to her look, but Alaska is still one of the strongest players in this game, and she will be in the top three.

Coco Montrese

And like a phoenix rising from the ashes, Miss Coco Montrese spread her weave and flew! I’m still soured on Coco the person (even more so when she started in on the Jinkx bashing with Roxxxy during Untucked), but I can’t deny how well she did in the main challenge. She had a real Shangela Laquifa Wadley moment tonight, and she was rewarded for it. Can she keep her head in the game enough to stay at the top of the rapidly thinning pack? I’m not sure, but I have no qualms about putting her in the top three based on her performance tonight.

Ivy Winters

Oh, Miss Ivy. You’re so pretty. You can make a costume like nobody’s business. You can walk on stilts. You even sing! But you are a terrible comedian. We saw that during Snatch Game, and we knew you’d have trouble tonight. You were weak during the roast but managed to not totally choke. Unfortunately, it was bad enough that Miss Coco knocked our sweet Ivy out of the top three in the Index, but I suspect she’ll be back right quick.

Detox

Detox struggled with the main challenge and didn’t really wow with her main stage look. I sympathize with her being so nervous. That totally would have been me saying FUCK every other word just to fill the silence while I tried to read my notes. I get it, but it certainly wasn’t good enough, and she’s just lucky there were two people who did much worse than she did. We’re getting close to the point in the competition where there is no safe/middle so Miss Detox better step up her game.

Alyssa Edwards

Gworl. As with Ivy, we knew Miss Alyssa was not a talented comedian, but she was just soooo bad in this challenge. The jokes she was coming up with in the workroom were so horrrrrrible, and she couldn’t stop laughing at them. Her main stage look was good but maybe a bit forgettable too. She is a force to be reckoned with when it comes to lip syncing though. She may prove to be a bit of a wildcard from here on out.

Roxxxy Andrews

Finally, I get to put Roxxxy back at the bottom of the Index where I started her off. I do not like this bitch. She sucked at this challenge. Whereas the queens who bombed more or less told jokes that just weren’t funny, Roxxxy’s jokes all came off as really cruel. Her attitude toward Jinkx sucks. Was her main stage look passable? Yeah, okay, but it’s nothing we haven’t seen from her before. Is she actually improving in this competition? I don’t think so. The one thing I’ll concede is that the double wig move she pulled was fucking brilliant.

As you all know, there was no elimination last night. You didn’t think we’d get that double elimination for free, did you? Of course you didn’t. What are your thoughts on last night’s episode, children? How would you rank the dolls? Sound off in the comments, and I’ll see you next week!