By the Time You Read This

This post was submitted to us on the condition that we not disclose the author’s name. ~ Eds

Originally posted October 12, 2011

By the time you read this, it won’t really make a difference. Tomorrow, I will kill what some people would consider to be my unborn child. To me, tomorrow marks the day that I get rid of a parasite. Is that inflammatory to say? Yes, of course it is. I know it is. But for me, at this point in my life, this thing that has taken residence inside of me is not even a fetus as of yet—it’s just an unwanted little creature that has taken control of my body without my permission.

Sure, you could say that by having sex, I gave control of my body over to Mother Nature, but the truth is that this can happen to anyone no matter how safe you are. It doesn’t matter if this was the result of having tons of sex with my boyfriend or a couple of one night stands in the past couple of months—the numbers game remains the same no matter what your relationship status is, and Mother Nature doesn’t give a shit about how many sexual partners you have when you’re fertile. Continue reading →

A Rebuttal to “15 Things to Consider about Abortion”

By skinny_vanilla and SusanBAwesome

Originally posted January 30, 2012

January 22 marked the 39th anniversary of the Supreme Court’s Roe v. Wade decision. It was also National Sanctity of Human Life Day, something Ronald Reagan started in 1984 to combat the decision regarding Roe. Or something.

"Get out of my womb, Piper"
This guy wants in your womb.

Pastor John Piper, of Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis, took it upon himself to publish a list of 15 things we should all consider before we get abortions. Though one of our very own already eloquently summed up what was wrong with the article (“1/3 of it is religious and not everyone follows your narrow interpretation of religion, 1/3 of it is flat out lies, and 1/3 of it is Fuck You Asshole”), we are going to go a little more in-depth with our analysis.

Let’s get started. Continue reading →

Inaugural Presidential Inauguration OT

Inauguration-01-20-2009

It’s big day in America! Every four years, the US has a peaceful transition of power, a rarity in this world. President Obama is publicly sworn in for the second time on the same day we honor Martin Luther King Jr.’s legacy. Plus, Uncle Joe is back! Let’s celebrate by honoring all things Obama. Continue reading →

Recipe Sunday: Herb-Crusted Rib Roast

Yummy Rib RoastLast Wednesday, my in-laws were in town and my mother-in-law volunteered to make this recipe she had recently seen in the newspaper. It was so nice not to have to worry about feeding my guests for dinner, and it turns out that this easy-to-make recipe is also incredibly delicious. I can’t wait to try the mustard-panko crust on a pork tenderloin or chicken drumsticks. Continue reading →

Full List of TV Shows with Fat Husbands and Skinny Wives

6 comments

The_Honeymooners

The television trope of a leading male character being a fat, schlubby funny guy and having a hot, skinny and sometimes younger wife has been around since at least Ralph and Alice Kramden in The Honeymooners. These differences always strike people as odd because studies have shown that long term couples tend to have similar BMIs. This makes sense when people share meals and exercise habits. Certainly couples exist in the world where the husband is a tubalub and the wife is thin, but in situation comedies it’s almost a requirement.

Since a list didn’t seem to exist, here is the full accounting of television shows featuring a fat husband and a skinny wife*. Continue reading →

How the GOP Stole the 2012 Elections

We’ve spent a lot of time this week talking about cheaters, most notably Lance Armstrong, but we haven’t talked nearly enough about the biggest cheaters of 2012: the Republican party.

You probably read that title and thought to yourself, “But MonkeyBiz, we reelected a Democratic President and a Democratic Senate; how could the GOP steal an election they mostly lost?”. To answer that question, I’d like to turn to my good friend Morpheus: Continue reading →