Crasstalk Fiction: The Antidote To Pandora’s Box

Somewhere in the middle of the sultry summer night, nature called. My lover unzipped the front flap of our tent and we headed outside onto the sand of a secluded beach cove along the southern California coastline. As we were alone, we exited the tent nude. A pleasurable breeze greeted us, briefly alleviating the swelter. Even with a nearly-full moon, the lush ceiling of stars above us was breathtaking. Adding to our overall feeling of auspiciousness, a shooting star fell seemingly directly in front of our path. My jaw dropped in awe, and I wondered aloud a most sincere approbation, “Oh, how you bless us God, life, spirit, universe…”

With that grateful invocation, my lover and I proceeded to relieve ourselves in the majestic ocean. (We rationalized that our good actions far outweighed this relatively minor infraction.) The shock of contrast between our warm bodies and the still-cool water was exhilarating. We dove under holding hands, then after we arose, we exuberantly collided in a delicious, playful kiss. As we separated our bodies ever-so-slightly, we noticed a captivating phenomenon: the bright light radiated by the moon cast us in an immaculately explicit, lucid shadow against the backdrop of pristine sand.

As we stood in the ocean, we were bewitched by watching the exquisite subtleties of our well-matched physiques. Every slow, sensual move we made was mirrored and magnified in the remarkable chiaroscuro of moonlight and shadow. In my heightened state of arousal, I felt my skin turn incarnadine, like a lust-drenched niacin flush. Without needing to accede, my lover and I met each others’ unspoken desires, choreographed in equal parts by erotic providence and spiritual syncretism.

Deliberately, we decided to delay the consummation of our mutual yearning until we got back to the tent. Both of us later confessed our suspicions that we might have literally drowned due to our sensual distraction. We returned to the tent giddy, overly-amped and very ready to merge our inner empyreans. As we made love, time became evermore malleable and fluid, its interstices seemingly yielding to our mutual need for extended, undulant erotic equanimity.

It was the ultimate power trip: we were reveling in the complementary, egalitarian nature of true inner power. Luxuriantly supine, I decided that if I had to die, I’d like to do it with him inside me, in precisely this position. But for the moment, I was ravenously consumed and consummately nourished by the vitality of living abundantly.

When I awoke a few hours later in the full illumination of dawn’s gorgeous color palette of light, my lover was momentarily gone. Resting on my belly was a velvet drawstring bag, sewn in the design of a labyrinth. Inside the bag was a smooth, flat dark-grey large stone that was a lapidary masterpiece. In Celtic-inspired calligraphy, it read in Latin:

ab ovo, ut terminus

et ab novus orsa

saecula saeculorum.

On the other side of the stone was the English translation:

from the beginning, to the end

and from the new beginning

to all eternity.

My lover returned in time to witness the resultant awe I felt at reading such lofty words which I had inspired. My stupefaction derived from being so comprehensively recognized and acknowledged by someone so much like myself. We kissed deeply, and as we prepared to delve again into erotic joy, I had an amazing epiphany:

Whole, healed lovers everywhere are the living antidote to Pandora opening the Box. By unleashing harmony, joy, understanding and reverence, perhaps we may break the spell of all the ills that have been cast upon this world.

Did Arianna Huffington Force Out Engadget Editor?

The bearded and bespectacled Engadget editor Joshua Topolsky has announced he’s leaving the fourth most popular blog in the country.  He gives no reason and says he has a few fantasy projects he might work on.  That translates to I have been fired and have no new job.

Engadget has been owned by AOL since 2005 when the founders sold the blog group Weblogs, Inc. for a reported $25M.  In that time they have had steady growth and are well regarded.  So, what changed? AOL purchased HuffPo and put Arianna Huffington in charge of the AOL blog empire which also includes the Techcrunch group of blogs.  It seems strange timing for the editor to “leave” unless Arianna wants to put one of her own in charge or Topolsky didn’t want to go along with the AOL Way.  This comes in the same week that AOL laid off 200 people.

Source and photo Engadget.

Spirituality Corner: All We Are Is Dust In The Wind

1977 was a difficult year to be a 9-year-old existentialist. This was the year that proffered the theatrical release of Star Wars – which introduced me to contemplations of a vastly cosmic nature: life, the universe and everything – and also the ubiquitous radio play of Kansas’ hauntingly gorgeous paean to mortality, Dust In The Wind. My already-insatiably questioning mind wanted answers, and I wanted them urgently.

Between my fervent pondering of the song and the film, I had my first “mid-life” crisis – yes, at age 9. I ate very little, slept constantly and was so depressed that my mother had to take me out of school for three months. Doctors had little to offer – this being long before the over-medication of children became commonplace – since there seemed to be absolutely nothing wrong with me. There were no problems at home that could be relatable to such a sudden and profound shift in my personality. I was blessed by a loving extended family, none of whom had any idea how to offer me any solace.

But clearly, there was something wrong with me. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t grasp the huge universal intricacies that I so desperately wanted to be able to wrap my growing mind around. Early on in my malaise, when I finally worked up the courage – I can feel my little hands balling up into fists remembering this – to ask my mother what the meaning of life was, she held me tightly and lovingly confessed that she didn’t know. She added that as far as she could tell, it involved being the best and most loving person you could be, and cherishing your family. It was a very sweet, earnest answer, but it fell far short of the explanation I’d been hoping to hear. Because she was not only my whole world, but had also been a science major in college, she was the only person whom I really thought could give me an answer.

So ensued my philosophical funk. I recall staring into the mirror, trying to figure out what was behind and beyond my eyes, my brain, my body. My family was profoundly supportive, although I’m sure my then-5 and 1-year-old brothers were merely bummed that I wasn’t around to play with. I’m not sure exactly what specifically pulled me out of my extended angst, although it probably had something to do with my mother and my maternal grandmother, similarly sensitive and tremendously giving, caring souls.

When I returned to school after a three-month absence, it was like being on an alien planet. I still sought my spiritual solace and grand-scale understandings, but my peers were content to do 9-year-old things as though they were all that mattered. Having spent so much time inwardly analyzing, I had come to the conclusion that if I came from nothingness, that’s where I would return when I ceased to physically exist. If I came from “somethingness”, then that’s also where I would return. It seemed pretty fundamental, but it brought me great peace after such single-minded turmoil.

I wrote this unflinchingly intimate piece to further the discourse we’ve been sharing in the comments of these spiritually-related posts. I am sure that many of you have had similar experiences pondering the meanings of life, death and all things in between, albeit perhaps not from such an early age. As always, you are most welcome to share anything that resonates with you to do so.

Whether or not you’ve ever heard Dust In The Wind, do not miss listening to this absolutely masterful live version of this stunning and eternally relevant song.

I wish you peace, and the answers to all of your eternal questions.

Revisionist History: The Civil War, Slavery and States’ Rights

Words are powerful things. Simply changing one word in a sentence can completely change its meaning and how listeners understand what is being discussed. Nowhere is this more evident than in the recounting of history. As collective memory fades and ultimately disappears with the passage of time, it becomes all the more important to challenge (and correct) modern day retellings of historic events that have been shaded and reframed over time to the point that today’s narrative could, and should, be labeled a lie of omission, if not commission. What am I talking about?  This. “The Civil War was about State’s rights, not about slavery.”

Of course the Civil War was about states’ rights. That statement, in and of itself, is true.  Or rather, true, but incomplete and, in its incompleteness, substantively false in its modern presentation. The incompleteness rests in the obvious question this statement raises: the seceding states’ right to do what?

To answer this question, I am not going to give my view or that of historians and commentators, but rather, am going to present the actual statements and justifications of the seceding states and the subsequently formed Confederate States of America. This information seems particularly timely given that yesterday, March 11th, was the 150th anniversary of the adoption of the Confederate Constitution by the Confederate Congress. The Confederate Constitution was very similar to the original US Constitution.  However, as explained by Professor of History, Stephanie McCurry: “there were, however, a few significant changes. They purged the text of all of the ambivalences, compromises and hedges about slavery, representation and the power of the federal government that had plagued the republic since the founding.”

If the actual Confederate Constitution does not settle the question of how important maintaining the institution of slavery was to the seceding states, let’s look at a couple of the Declarations of the Causes of Seceding States that preceded the drafting of the Confederate Constitution.

Mississippi (Adopted January 9, 1861): In the momentous step which our State has taken of dissolving its connection with the government of which we so long formed a part, it is but just that we should declare the prominent reasons which have induced our course.

Our position is thoroughly identified with the institution of slavery– the greatest material interest of the world. Its labor supplies the product which constitutes by far the largest and most important portions of commerce of the earth. These products are peculiar to the climate verging on the tropical regions, and by an imperious law of nature, none but the black race can bear exposure to the tropical sun. These products have become necessities of the world, and a blow at slavery is a blow at commerce and civilization. That blow has been long aimed at the institution, and was at the point of reaching its consummation. There was no choice left us but submission to the mandates of abolition, or a dissolution of the Union, whose principles had been subverted to work out our ruin.

Georgia (Adopted January 29, 1861): The people of Georgia having dissolved their political connection with the Government of the United States of America, present to their confederates and the world the causes which have led to the separation. For the last ten years we have had numerous and serious causes of complaint against our non-slave-holding confederate States with reference to the subject of African slavery. They have endeavored to weaken our security, to disturb our domestic peace and tranquility, and persistently refused to comply with their express constitutional obligations to us in reference to that property …

The people of Georgia have ever been willing to stand by this bargain, this contract; they have never sought to evade any of its obligations; they have never hitherto sought to establish any new government; they have struggled to maintain the ancient right of themselves and the human race through and by that Constitution. But they know the value of parchment rights in treacherous hands, and therefore they refuse to commit their own to the rulers whom the North offers us. Why? Because by their declared principles and policy they have outlawed $3,000,000,000 of our property in the common territories of the Union; put it under the ban of the Republic in the States where it exists and out of the protection of Federal law everywhere; because they give sanctuary to thieves and incendiaries who assail it to the whole extent of their power, in spite of their most solemn obligations and covenants; because their avowed purpose is to subvert our society and subject us not only to the loss of our property but the destruction of ourselves, our wives, and our children, and the desolation of our homes, our altars, and our firesides. To avoid these evils we resume the powers which our fathers delegated to the Government of the United States, and henceforth will seek new safeguards for our liberty, equality, security, and tranquility.

Texas (Adopted Feb. 2, 1861): We hold as undeniable truths that the governments of the various States, and of the confederacy itself, were established exclusively by the white race, for themselves and their posterity; that the African race had no agency in their establishment; that they were rightfully held and regarded as an inferior and dependent race, and in that condition only could their existence in this country be rendered beneficial or tolerable.

That in this free government all white men are and of right ought to be entitled to equal civil and political rights; that the servitude of the African race, as existing in these States, is mutually beneficial to both bond and free, and is abundantly authorized and justified by the experience of mankind, and the revealed will of the Almighty Creator, as recognized by all Christian nations; while the destruction of the existing relations between the two races, as advocated by our sectional enemies, would bring inevitable calamities upon both and desolation upon the fifteen slave-holding states.…

For these and other reasons, solemnly asserting that the federal constitution has been violated and virtually abrogated by the several States named, seeing that the federal government is now passing under the control of our enemies to be diverted from the exalted objects of its creation to those of oppression and wrong, and realizing that our own State can no longer look for protection, but to God and her own sons– We the delegates of the people of Texas, in Convention assembled, have passed an ordinance dissolving all political connection with the government of the United States of America and the people thereof…

In presenting these statements, I do not want to suggest that northern Yankees should assert any claim to moral superiority. Indeed, the current mistruths about the North and Slavery are just as problematic and dishonest. But, let’s all be clear about one thing. The next time you hear someone claim that the Civil War was about states’ rights and not about slavery, please correct those to two little words: It was about the states’ rights to continue slavery.

Read more:

The Confederate Constitution (with highlighted changes and explanations by Prof. McCurry)

Product Review: Ooma Telo

Voice over internet protocol (VOIP) is how you make phone calls through your internet connection and is a common way of ditching traditional land line service.  If you’re in the market for a VOIP solution or want to look at alternatives to your existing VOIP provider then this may be one option.

When I was looking for a VOIP solution I considered Ooma, Vonage, MagicJack and Comcast Voice.  I wanted a low cost, high quality, reliable connection and did not have any need for international calling.   I quickly ruled out MagicJack because it requires a computer be on at all times and that’s not very friendly to my power bill or the environment.

Vonage and Comcast offer a similar service for comparable prices.  Comcast offers their Triple Play service which combines cable television, internet and phone service in one package, but for me the package includes a slower internet speed than I have with them now and I the package deal is only really attractive for the first year.  Vonage seemed reasonable, but the monthly cost wasn’t better than Comcast.

The Ooma Telo on the other hand is a one time fee and has no recurring costs.  The device itself is relatively small and unobtrusive.  It’s a matte black finish and can be placed anywhere that you have a wired internet connection.  I keep mine in the living room and plug a cordless phone base station directly into it.  Ooma offers a handset but I uses a Panasonic cordless phone instead.  I opted to have my original land line number ported over by Ooma and they assigned a temporary number to my device while the port was happening.  Once the port was done the temporary number seamlessly transitioned to my original number.

The voice quality sounds like a traditional land line and I only rarely hear digital artifacts on the line.

The other features that Ooma offers are all accessed through their web based portal.  The portal gives access to listen to voicemail, see call logs and change settings.  I subscribed to a community black list of known telemarketers and have entered a few numbers into a personal blacklist of my own.  You have the choice of sending blacklisted numbers to voicemail or just having them go into the void.

In case my network goes down (we are talking about Comcast here) I enabled is call forwarding on outage.  When there are network problems and the Ooma device is unable to get online then all calls are forwarded to the number of your choice.  In my case I send them to my cell phone.

For voicemails I have them sent to my email as a mp3 attachment and can listen to them on my computer, cell phone, on the portal or directly on the Telo device.

Overall it’s been great and has saved me a lot of money.

Dear Lala – Help, My Bathroom Is Heinous!

Dear Lala,

I am submitting a few pics of what is probably the most heinous bathroom ever. At least I managed to get the brown and gold swirl flocked wallpaper off the walls…yeah. It was that bad. So this is an improvement if you can believe it.

My style is traditional. Not just because  I find it comfortable, but for purposes of resale, its easier to sell something traditional than it is a Japanese soaking tub, glass block walls, or something equally out-there (for  NJ anyway).

My budget is as low as can be. I’m honestly not sure of how much any of the work will cost (I’m waiting on estimates). The joists run parallel to the bedroom walls on either side of the bathroom. Moving the toilet (assuming its currently centered between the joists) will give me up to a foot of possible movement. I don’t want to move the toilet to a position where a joist would have to be drilled, since it could compromise the structural integrity of the joist.

Help!

Ditzy Blonde


Dear Ditzy,

I can assure you, this is not the most heinous bathroom that I have seen but I feel your pain. It is a daunting task planning a bathroom renovation because it requires so much skilled labour to get the job done- plumbing, electrical, carpentry. It can also yield the highest return on investment when selling your home. You have some homework to do and decisions to make!

No one has an unlimited budget so it is important to make a list of your deepest desires and a list of your actual needs. Ultimately, every good reno will have a mix of splurge items and budget basics. My non-negotiable here would likely be a custom walk-in shower and separate bathtub. I could live without custom cabinetry because so many vanity and storage cabinets come in such a wide array of stock sizes, shapes (and finishes) that can create a nearly custom fit. Staying with a neutral palette & a classic design scheme will also allow you to get creative (read: frugal) when it comes time to shop.

Click to enlarge. Toilet & plumbing position remains same, single entrance moved to hall. 2 proposed plans.

So, let’s talk floor plan. I hate to start my first design advice post by disagreeing with your contractor over toilet position but I can’t help myself. Nothing makes this princess want to stab herself in the eye more than a conversation with a contractor. I am not saying they don’t walk away feeling the exact same about me, I am just saying.

Unless I am reading your plans incorrectly, I don’t see a reason the toilet cannot be moved/stack rerouted along or up that backwall with perhaps the worst case scenario being a possible bulkhead below.  Since I don’t have plans to the floors beneath, I will not belabor the point. I will revisit it a few short paragraphs away…

Click to enlarge. Bath & vanity wall elevations.

Toilet position aside, the double entry from the master and guest bedrooms is taking up a lot of precious real estate. I know this layout provided endless sitcom fodder on The Brady Bunch but I’m not sure I want to be in any bathroom comedy situation with overnight guests. I recommend you position a single entry from the hall. You could still maintain a hall linen cabinet on either side of the door but I might be more inclined to opt for a roomier shower and max out storage on the vanity wall. The splurge in this scenario is the custom fitted glass wall & door of the shower with full tile wall. You can offset this by choosing a drop in tub that fully covers the deck surface & selecting from stock cabinetry.

click to enlarge

Make sure to provide ample lighting from multiple sources, usually meaning window, recessed, sconce and hanging. Really make your space sparkle- the space is gutted, so be sure to take advantage: have recessed lighting and sconces on separate switches with dimmers. Choose simple, classic fixtures and hardware.

 

Don’t be afraid to use large tiles in a small space. A nice 12″ x 24″ porcelain tile will feel luxe. I love porcelain tile, it has the depth and feel of marble (without the $) and the available colours will mix beautifully with marble countertops. Most large DIY stores carry ready-to-install counters in crema and carrera marble. I suggest mixing the same color tile in a variety of sizes, in the same shape: 12″x 24″, 4″ x 6″ subway in the shower, and maybe a smaller mosaic or basketweave for the vanity & bath backsplash. The continuity of colour is really calming, the mix of texture keeps it interesting and fresh.

 

1. click to enlarge

I cannot end this post without including the plans that place the toilet where I want. Because I am a princess and because I cannot stop redesigning your master bath.

The same principles always apply- there is custom luxury and builder basic in equal measure.

1. Beautiful, traditional mix of creamy, dreamy tile, rich toasty wood, painted panel moulding with freestanding bath. *Best part: toilet is hidden behind wall. I do this whenever possible. Tub, vanity and faucets are all from Lowe’s so keep abreast of those sales! Tiles and tubs get discontinued, thus discounted regularly.

 

2. Click to enlarge

2. Probably the closest plan to the drawings you sent me and likely the the most budget friendly in spite of that pesky loo because I have left the doors. Comedy gold, Ditzy!

Insignia linen cabinets and full tub surround are also all from Lowe’s. I recommend injecting some luxe in this scheme by adding the mosaic detail in the center of the room, a tiled ‘area rug’, if you will. Repeat the painted shaker detail on the facade of the bathtub, wainscoting and on the entry doors. Really ground the whites in the room by mixing in oil rubbed bronze fixtures (door knobs, hinges & drawer pulls). Punctuate with a rich wood frame mirror.

 

3. Click to enlarge.

3. Sophisticated shades of grey punctuated with dark wood and crisp white. The vanity & medicine cabinets are from Restoration Hardware. The built in bookcase above the bath is from the bottom of my heart. I am a sucker for a built in! Porcelain floor and wall tiles, glass wall shower.

Has your head exploded? Mine too! That’s okay, collect yourself and have good long think about what you would like to achieve. Price out high, medium and low options. Sit down with qualified and enthusiastic contractors and show them these floor plans. Be very clear with them and yourself about what your actual budget is. Then get excited, and send me the after shots. Good luck!

 

S.L.Y.,

Princess Lala

 

*Please send your design dilemmas & disasters to [email protected]


Click to enlarge

 

*UPDATE

@MissAnitaMan

Cheap as chips.

Estate Vanity $148.00, Estate Medicine Cabinet $88.00, Olean Pinwheel Floor Tile $12/sf, all from Lowes. White subway wall tile $00.23 each from Home Depot.

I still might paint the room a beige/ creamy white for a bit of contrast. Maybe Benjamin Moore Ballet White OC9 or White Sand OC10. Good Luck!

In The Drink

Hi Crasstalkers!

1:33pm EST It’s ihatediamonds and I have a confession. Since 12/25/10 I have had exactly two glasses of champagne.
I know what you are thinking, I’m not about to reveal that I’m an alcoholic. I’ve just been training really hard in the gym and booze and 1000 calorie-burning workouts don’t really mix.

But today, all bets are off! I’m at the Extreme Beer Fest in Boston with a few of my nearest and dearest.

For your reading pleasure, I’m going to live blog this little adventure.

1:48 the only other black girl here and I just shared a knowing, hazy glance

1:41 beginning to sober up waiting in line. But there is carrot cake beer on the other end. I will not be deterred!

1:50 I’ve already fucked up my time line. Awesome. Also thank god for iPhone auto capitalization.

2:02 breaking the seal.

2:15 I love girl beers. Hatas to the left. There are a lot of bearded
dudes basically mainling Sierra Nevadas jelly bean beer. So
stout/porter snobs can fuck a duck.

2:25 just played a game of find the nipple with friends P and E while
in line. Classy

2:39 extreme beer Fest major pro amazing ladies room

3:06 so erd up a bit with header jalrpeno pretzel. Perfect drunk
food.

3:24 sigted pregnant person drinking, disturbed

3:28 drank gloden delicious. Pretty sure named for me

3:48 lost feinds in crowd. Drunk why are people wearing top hats?

4:15 favorite beer of the day Sam Adams Chocolate Cherry Bock

4:22 friend P, single male it’s slim pickings all round

4:34 Short break blogging will resume at Harpoon Brewey at 6pm

6:23 Tasty Burger in Fenway. It’s not In & Out and Burgerville but
om nom nom

9:01 at harpoon Brewey! Raspberry beer is pleasure. Trying to
upload photos. Failing.

9:43 drinking since 1pm solid 8 hour day of beer drinking. I’m ether
beyond drubbj of fucksing wasted.

10:40 waiting for the D line at park st. My feet are weeping. Soundtrack: Bishop Allen. Thanks for following today.

12:04am  I would give someone the blow job of their lives for a foot rub… if I didn’t end up passed out on their crotch from exhaustion. Waking up with balls imprinted on your face can’t be a good look.

Sidenote: (oh god…I’m a little drunk already) this place is full of penises. Lala I’m going in for the kill… Maybe.