Servicey – Page 131

Deming, New Mexico’s Very Own Executive Inn, Reviewed

Sign advertises amenities and prices and misspellings don’t render it unreadable. It’s not attached to a church so no fear of threats to send me to hell: +3

Adorable family who either owns or manages. Mom offered me Advil because she knew I’d been driving for 11 hours. Dad offered me bottled water and moved his car so I could park right in front of my room. Kids were cute, even the one who was picking his nose: +4

Cheap ($36 including tax): +20

The motel doors all face the parking lot (no interior corridors): -6

Acceptably clean—no bugs, no toilet ring or hair in sink, smelled OK from what I can tell while recovering from a cold: +7

No visible bullet holes (or they are patched really well): +2

Weird bathroom curtain that must be totally sheer with the light on, and the cracked and non-locking window in said bathroom is creepy. Until it is light outside, I’m not turning on the light on to go to the toilet: -25

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Let’s get boozy pt.2

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Looking to serve your guests something a bit more special than beer from a bottle this holiday season? Well, read on. But first, a few pointers. When serving warm punches, keep them an a slow cooker and keep serving glasses warm by placing them in a hot water bath, and make sure you have enough cups that can handle warm liquids. For cold punch promise me that you won’t use ice cubes. Seriously. I want you to promise me. Okay? All right. Instead of those evil taste weakening ice cubes how about thinking ahead and freezing some juice, or ever better, use frozen fruit. At the end of your drink you’ll have some delicious booze infused fruit. If using any carbonated beverages in your punch, make sure to add them last, you can mix the rest of your ingredients and top individual glasses with your fizzy beverage. Lastly, don’t cheap out on the liquor just because it’s going to be mixed with other ingredients, your guests will notice. Trust. Continue reading →

Adventures with algorithms

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Technology is wondrous. It allows us to make animated kitten gifs in mere minutes. It allows us to experience the raw brutal pleasure of German pornography. It allows us to steal music with a level of efficiency not matched since the time your town’s high school dropout kid plowed his El Camino through the front doors of Best Buy at 3 in the morning.

One thing it seems to really suck at, though, is determining the romantic compatibility of two human beings. In that respect, technology is nearly as bad as actual human beings.

Today, for shits and giggles, I decided to to do a “reverse match” search on Match.com of people who say they’re looking for someone like me. Match immediately tried to flatter me with sheer quantity. 1,622 results! I’m more desired than Jon Hamm wrapped in cupcake icing and bacon!

Once that immediate hit of ego-satisfying euphoria wore off, however, I took a closer look.

Here’s the entire profile of my third result:

About my life and what I’m looking for

im 5ft even redbone thick wit it 4tatts 2 gold teeth spotaneous outgoing silly at times good sense of humor easy to get along wit but just dnt rub me the wrong way then you will see that pisces side of me

I want to laugh at this awful dating profile, but I can’t! According to Match’s super high-tech algorithm, we should be a perfect match. This says more about me than her. I guess at this point the only question left to ask is….

What flavor of 4Loko should I bring on our first date? Is “purple” too fancy?

Winter Tires

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When one thinks of milestones in life, they may think of graduting college or getting married, perhaps buying a house or having kids.

I’ve accomplished one of those events, and while it was a significant event in my life, I find that the smaller, less momentous occasions are the ones that stick with me, and end up being just as defining in in shaping who I am.

One of those such small things is buying winter tires.

I have never bought winter tires before. I have not…

EDIT: WHAT THE HELL? I got part way through and decided I didn’t like how this was going, so I decided to delete it. Clearly that didn’t happen. Sorry guys….

So anyways, anyone have any winter tire suggestions? I’m buying some, and I don’t want to die on my wretched Canadian roads, so I need to get good ones.

Let’s get boozy pt. 1

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You know what the best thing about the winter holiday season is? Of course you do, it’s holiday themed alcohol. Wondering what kind of sweet boozy nectar is the best to get trashed on this holiday season? You’re in the right place.

Gingerbread ale. I was browsing the aisles at Whole Foods one day when I stumbled on this gem. It’s dark, spicy, and tastes likes Christmas (just like me). Sadly, it’s only sold in four-packs, and doesn’t have a wide availability, but if you see it around, it’s definitely worth picking some up.

Pumpkin ale. Dogfish Head’s Punkin Ale is pure deliciousness. It’s the orangey/brown color you expect out of a ‘punkin’ ale, and tastes moderately sweet while being heavy on the spice, but low on the pumpkin. Honorable mention to Blue Moon’s Harvest Moon since it’s more widely available.

Celebration ale. Sierra Nevada’s celebration ale is an amber-ish IPA with extremely bitter after notes. It’s pine-y, earthy, not very sweet, and the bitter lingers for ages. It doesn’t really taste like the holidays, but that doesn’t stop me from consuming mass amounts of this stuff once it’s on the shelves.

Sam Adam’s Winter Classics pack is my go-to party beer during the colder months since there’s a beer in here for even the pickiest drinkers. While I enjoy all of the beers included, the stand-out is really the Holiday Porter. It’s dark, and slightly creamy with a much lighter mouthfeel thank you would expect. But oh-so-good. My runner-up in this pack is the Winter Brew. An amber colored, pumpkin pie-spicy bock