Servicey

Welcome to Mercury Retrograde!  From today until December 30 Mercury will appear to be traveling backwards through the Zodiac.  Mercury, named for the Roman god Mercury, aka Hermes (the Greek god, not the fine purveyor of scarves and perfumes.  Seriously, Hermes has the best perfumes.  And Xmas is coming.  Just sayin’).  Mercury was the Messenger god who controlled communications and travel.  Modern times have attributed technology – particularly communications technology – phones, internet, etc – to his control.  While Mercury ‘travels backwards’ (it is actually an optical illusion caused by the relative orbital speeds of Earth and the other planets), it is said that these things get complicated.  Mercury Retrograde is a time of troubled or misunderstood communication and travel problems or delays.  People are generally advised not to sign contracts or engage in negotiations during Mercury Retrograde or do any complicated traveling.

This year has been especially retrograde-y, with 4 periods of retrograde instead of 3.  Although the actual retrograde period is about 3 weeks, there is also a period of approximately 2 weeks before and after where the typical retrograde problems often manifest.  These are times when Mercury slows down its travel through the Zodiac in preparation for ‘switching direction’).  I, personally, find the 2 weeks before a retrograde to be the most fucked up.  Add in the before and after (often referred to as the ‘Shadow’ (before) and the ‘Release’ (after)) and you looking at 6-8 weeks of general miscommunication and technology and travel snafus.

Is it all bad?  No.  There is some good aspects to a retrograde period.  It is an ideal time to look back and reflect on the past and to gain insight into the past and to formulate plans for the future.  Just don’t try to kick off those plans until Mercury is direct again!  Generally, people may turn especially introspective during this time.  If you have to commit to something or sign contracts, it is important to read the fine print and then double read it.  Trouble generally arises from miscommunication and misunderstandings so being aware of this can hopefully help you avoid problems.  The sign in which Mercury is traversing also affects the general mood as well as whatever else is going on cosmically.

So my advice to you all is to take it easy -especially with family gatherings coming up.  Remember the potential for miscommunications and misunderstandings and travel problems and take a deep breath (and/or a deep drink) before flipping out.  We will be potentially affected by this retrograde until January 18, 2011 which is when Mercury will be flying forward normally again.

For those who like to plan, the retrogrades for next year are: March 30-April 23; August 3 – August 26 and November 24 – December 14.

“All of us are in the gutter, but some of us are reaching for the stars”

I’m going to try to do a feature on parenting, Crasstalk style. Here’s my first post. If you are one of the four people who read my blog, you might recognize it. It should be fresh for 99.7% of readers.

Do People Judge New Moms about Breastfeeding?

The other day, I read the cutest comment on the internet by a mom-to-be. Let’s call her Marge. Marge was worried that people would judge her based on her decision whether to breastfeed exclusively or not.

Boy did I roll on the floor laughing until my eyes bled.

Marge, you’re worried that people will judge you based on whether or not you breastfeed? Marge, you need to back the hell up and start all over because you have completely misconstrued the situation. You are worried about #80 on the list of 7,856,912 things people will judge you about as a parent.

Marge, are you just now catching on to the judgment vibe? Where the heck have you been your entire pregnancy? What about the pre-pregnancy phase? If you were any kind of mother, you would have started taking folic acid a minimum of 6 months before you started trying to conceive. You really should have started taking a prenatal vitamin and started eating organic. Were you reading “What to Expect When You’re Expecting to Expect in the Expectant Future?” last year and purging your house of lead-based paint and cat dander? Did your husband switch from briefs to boxers and eat a raw food diet so that only the healthiest sperm got out of the gates?

If not, you’re probably already dealing with a sub-standard fetus. Well, you’re going to have to do the best you can with what you’ve got. Maybe there’s a chance that the child’s life hasn’t been completely mangled. Try not to screw up the rest of the pregnancy. Listen to only classical music and avoid processed meats but eat only processed cheese. No caffeine and drink organic teas but be careful what herbs are in the teas because some herbs can cause birth defects. If a sip of alcohol passes your lips, expect Child Protective Services to show up and demand the infant in the delivery room. Also, it goes without saying that no one in your area code should be allowed to smoke, fart, exhale, or drive a car that runs on diesel fuel. If you can follow these simple rules, your child may have a chance at getting in to community college, at least on a conditional basis.

Your child might have a shot if you don’t mangle the birth process. Marge, it’s important to understand that birth is a process. You don’t just have a baby. You have to plan. There are midwives and doctors to consult, birth plans to write, delivery environments to choose, birth philosophies to embrace and pain management techniques to absorb. But we can’t get into any of that yet because first and foremost, you have to enroll in a Pregnancy Yoga class. When you’ve accomplished that, we will move to all the things you’ll be judged about during baby delivery and then, and only then, will we discuss how you’ll be judged during baby feeding. We’ve got a long way to go, Marge.

For my first foray into Crasstalk I thought I’d share this wonderfully informative (and damn funny) video demonstrating how to apologize in Japanese. They start off with a subtle bob of the head (best used when you accidentally bump into someone) and then progress into deeper and deeper bows until you’re just short of committing hara-kiri. Enjoy.