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I was doing a disservice to Europe with my last post. Here it is with old names. I don’t think I’ll be doing the rest of the world because it just gets more and more confusing. Sorry, non-caucasians. Once again, click to enlarge.
So apparently scientists finally got around to doing some of their sciencey experiments on the brains of a large group of people who’ve probably spent the past 15 years listening to nothing but Prodigy’s “Fat of the Land” album (which is to say, heavy users of MDMA — the drug commonly known as ecstasy).
The study was led by a Harvard Medical School professor and funded by the Natiional Institute on Drug Abuse. Its findings were reported in last week’s issue of Addiction, because I know you’re probably a regular subscriber to that. According to the study’s lead researcher, past studies had been affected by studying subjects who liked ALL drugs not just ecstasy, which skewed the results:
The resulting experiment whittled down 1,500 potential participants to 52 selected users, whose cognitive abilities matched those of a group of 59 non-users. “We even took hair samples of participants to test whether they were telling the truth about their drug and alcohol habits,” said Halpern. “Essentially we compared one group of people who danced and raved and took ecstasy with a similar group of individuals who danced and raved but who did not take ecstasy. When we did that, we found that there was no difference in their cognitive abilities.”
So on one hand, we have a new wide-scale study showing that ecstasy doesn’t turn your brain into delicious Jell-O Pudding Pops.
This began when I found out that the original name of Los Angeles was Porciuncula and spiraled out from there. Some liberties have been taken, but generally, this map shows what the cities in the U.S. would be named if they had kept the names they began with. Cities that did not change their names have been left off the map. Click on it to see a full-size version.
Last week, the lovely DahlELama brought up Red Lobster’s cheddar biscuits and I remembered that I had recently printed out the recipe with the intention of making them. I figured cheddar biscuits by themselves are not quite a full meal (although I won’t judge you if you eat all of them as soon as they come out of the oven) and I thought I would share one of my favorite easy recipes: shrimp scampi. Typically, scampi is a butter heavy dish, so I decided to make mine with butter and olive oil to make it “healthier”, or as healthy as pasta in oil can be. Cheddar Biscuits (12 biscuits) Recipe courtesy of Todd Wilbur and ABC News
Total prep time: About 15 minutes
Total cook time: About 15 minutes Ingredients
2 1/2 cups Bisquick baking mix
3/4 cup cold whole milk
4 tablespoons cold butter chopped into small cubes (1/2 stick)
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1 heaping cup grated cheddar cheese
Brush on Top
2 tablespoons butter, melted
1/4 teaspoon dried parsley flakes
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
Directions
Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Combine Bisquick with cold butter in a medium bowl, making sure there are small chunks of butter left. Add cheddar cheese, milk, and 1/4 teaspoon garlic. Mix by hand until the wet and dry ingredients are combined. Drop approximately 1/4 cup portions of the dough onto an un-greased cookie sheet using an ice cream scoop. Bake for 15 to 17 minutes or until the tops of the biscuits begin to turn light brown.
While the biscuits are baking, melt 2 tablespoons butter in a small bowl in the microwave. Stir in 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder and the parsley flakes. When the biscuits come out of the oven, use a pastry brush to spread this garlic butter over the tops of all the biscuits. Use up all of the butter. Makes one dozen biscuits.
Shrimp Scampi (2 servings)
Total prep time: About 10 minutes
Total cooking time: About 10 minutes Ingredients
1/2 pound medium shrimp, peeled, de-veined, and cut in half
2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons olive oil
3 medium garlic cloves, chopped
1 tablespoon lemon juice
Red pepper flakes to taste
Flat leaf parsley to taste, chopped
4 ounces spaghetti, freshly cooked
Salt and pepper to taste
Directions
Heat butter and olive oil in a medium skillet over medium heat. When the butter melts, add the garlic and saute for about a minute, being careful that it does not burn. Add the shrimp and toss to coat. Add red pepper flakes and lemon juice. Cook the shrimp until they are pink, between 5 and 7 minutes. Add the parsley and add the cooked pasta to the skillet. Toss to combine and serve immediately.
As a typical aimless twenty-something, my busy schedule of wasting my life on the Internet and staring meaningfully into the distance often makes it hard to find the time to eat properly. Unfortunately, articles with titles like “20-minute Meals” or “One Pot Dishes” appear to be written for people who don’t know how to cook yet have a kitchen stocked with fresh sage leaves, something called “cumin,” and a whole bunch of other stuff that sounds totally made up, along with the standard spouse and 2.5 kids. They do not address themselves to the concerns and lifestyles of those whose tiny pantry is mostly taken up by their roommates’ pretzels and boxes of mac n’ cheese, and whose part-time blogging job does not allow them to purchase fancy ingredients most of which will inevitably spoil.
Clearly, what is needed is a series of recipes for people who are willing to cut up and/or mix some things and put them on the stove, but not much else. The idea is to keep it as simple and minimalist as possible while still turning out things that are hopefully a step above reheated pasta with a can of tuna dumped into it. No ingredients that you wouldn’t be able to find at the crappy Associated or Key Foods on your street, no long instructions for making your own sauce if you can buy something similar in a bottle, no perishable ingredients that only come in larger quantities than you can reasonably use by yourself, and no unnecessary garnishes or decorative crap.
With that in mind, I give you:
Creamy mushroom chicken and potatoes with spices and herbs and junk
Makes one serving. If you’ve got a problem with that, maybe you should ask your loving partner to help you with the multiplication. Jerk.
Ingredients:
-1/4 can cream of mushroom soup
-1/2 boneless, skinless chicken breast, diced
-Marinade (lemon pepper, herb garlic, or Italian dressing)
-Some chopped fresh onion
-Some vinegar or white cooking wine
-2 red potatoes the size of small fists (if you’re a real cheapskate and insist on using regular brown potatoes, go ahead, but don’t say I didn’t warn you)
-Some salt, pepper, oregano and other random spices
-Some olive oil or vegetable oil or whatever
-Fresh garlic or garlic/onion powder
Cut up the potatoes into small pieces, like eighths or something, and put them in a bowl. Then pour some oil and whatever spices you have in your pantry on them. I don’t know how much, just go crazy. If you’ve got some real garlic, chop it up real small and toss some of that in too, otherwise just use garlic or onion powder. Then stir all that shit until the potatoes are coated. Put them on a baking tray lined with tin foil and put that in the oven at 550 degrees for like 25-30 minutes, depending on whether you remembered to preheat – I never do.
While those are baking, heat up some oil on a frying pan, and dump in the chicken that you should’ve had marinating for at least an hour. Sprinkle some salt and pepper on it. Toss the chopped onions in there too, what the hell. Fry it for like 5 minutes or until it looks fairly solid. Then add in the 1/4 can of mushroom soup and like half a tablespoon of vinegar or a dash of white wine, and stir that all together. Sprinkle that with some garlic powder if you want, because there’s no such thing as too much garlic. Fry it for a couple more minutes, stirring occasionally, until you see the creamy sauce start to turn brown and sticky, then TURN OFF THE FLAME WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU DO YOU WANT THE WHOLE GODDAMN THING TO BURN?
If you have managed to get this far without hopelessly screwing everything up, dump the creamy chicken goop on top of the potatoes that you hopefully remembered to take out of the oven and OM NOM NOM NOM. But not right away, because it’s hot and stuff.
So I’m hungover today because, well, fuck it, I get wasted on Thursdays. What’s it to you?
Unfortunately, everyone of us here has probably experienced the foul stench and unwelcome presence of a blinding hangover. It’s not pleasant and the longer your career in binge drinking goes on the worst they seem to be.
Gone are the days when we could leap out of bed after a night of reckless drinking with nary a problem an aspirin couldn’t solve. You may experience extreme nausea, a head ache that feels like its crushing your eyeballs together and bouts of light-headedness that could lead to you falling down a flight of stairs and more lethargy than a college freshmen at 4:25 on a Tuesday afternoon.
That being said, these are perhaps small prices to pay for that rollicking good time you had down at Billy Bob’s Dollar Beer Dance Hall. No one is suggesting you stop drinking but its time to start taking hangover management seriously.
It being Friday and a long weekend I figure a lot of us are going to be hungover sometime within the next 2-3 days. Keeping in mind that there is no quick fix to a hangover, this article is intended to go over some of mine and the internet’s favorite ways to ease the pain of a drunk brain. However, first let us look at just why you feel like shit:
image via bitsandpieces.us
Basically you feel like shit because you’re dehydrated like a motherfucker. Seriously. Ethanol creates a dehydrating effect by making you have to piss every five minutes or “increased urine production” for all the science nerds. Probably the most disturbing consequence of this process occurs in the brain and is the main reason for the dreadful headache you have. You see, as much as we all like to think that our brains are very special and should be cherished, the body doesn’t share this opinion. When you start becoming dehydrated your body diverts water from fluid rich parts of your body (i.e. your brain) to your vital organs to prevent organ failure and death. This process leads to a brain less saturated in fluids which causes your brain to shrink in size and pull on the ling that attaches it to the inside of your cranial vault. That’s right, your brain is literally ripping itself apart from its internal lining. Think about that the next time your on your fifth double-whiskey.
The rest of your hangover symptoms seem mostly related to the fact that drinking alcohol seriously impairs your organs’ ability to do their job. Your stomach lining becomes inflamed with causes, in part, the nausea, your liver can’t metabolize sugar which leads to low bl0od sugar which makes you lethargic and your pancreas kicks the production of digestive chemicals into overdrive causing stomach pain.
Given the significant role dehydration plays in your hangover its not surprising, then, that my first and absolutely essential treatment is:
1. Drink your ass some water: Do this before going to bed if you can. Just down as much water as possible. It tastes so good! Its so refreshing, mmm yes water, I love you. If your too fucked up the night before to even consider managing anything other than making it to your bed then begin hydro therapy immediately waking.
2. Have an amazing breakfast: if you have time, whip up some bacon and eggs, with toast if you like or even just a bacon sandwich, nom nom nom .
3. Just get drunk again: also known as Hair of the Dog, a desire to immediately get drunk again may indicate that you’re an alcoholic but you always knew you’d end up like your father anyway, right?
Warning! Going to work completely shit faced will likely result in your immediate termination!
4. Get some exercise: I know you just feel like laying in bed right now but if you can get outside and go for a walk, or a run, you will feel better I promise you. Nothing cuts through a hangover like adrenaline.
5. Smoke Weed.
Attention! Smoking weed is illegal do not do it!
But, if you happen to have some lying around and your hungover, then if you happen to light it on fire and inhale the smoke that arises from it then there is a chance you will feel a lot better. This isn’t the best idea, again, if you have to go to work. It would not be a good thing for your boss to be like, “Hey! I thought I told you to bring those TVs from the warehouse onto the floor!” and your all like
Dude, what TVs?
The sweet, sweet Mary Jane will ease your nausea and headache and make you sleepy so you can go sleep of your hangover. I usually opt for a combination of all these. Upon waking up with a hangover, drink lots of water, have some food, smoke some weed and go back to bed for a while. When you finally properly get out of bed, get out of the house and go for a walk or a bike ride.
WARNING! #CRASSTALK DOES NO ENDORSE SMOKING CHRONIC BUDS.
Our son, who is 3, is playing soccer. He’s in a 2.5 to 4 year old league. You can just imagine the skill level. My purpose in enrolling him was two-fold. First of all, he looks adorable in the uniform. That might have been my primary reason. Secondly, I need to find activities to wear him out. He’s got a lot of energy and if I don’t do something to wear him out, he’s up half the night. Since I am somewhat handicapped, it can be hard for me to do that on my own.
He’s played two games, and when I say “Played”, I mean he’s sat on my or my husband’s lap during two games. He doesn’t seem to be too interested in playing, which is a little annoying, but isn’t that big of a deal. He’s 3. Even if he does better than anyone else in the league, he is only likely to hit the ball in one out of 50 kicks. Clearly, skill isn’t the focus. I actually think, as far as the kids are concerned, that juice boxes are the focus. The parents are mainly there for their own amusement.
At least most of the parents. Tonight I had my first glimpse of the insane sports parents in the earliest available incarnation. They spent most of the game screaming at their daughter, Lucy, who is not even on our team, but showed up to substitute. Poor Lucy (who is THREE) didn’t even know the coach or the other players since it wasn’t her regular team. Her father led much of the shouting. He sounded exactly like Ray Barone if Ray Barone was about to have a stroke from tension.
Here are a few samples: • “Dammit Lucy, I showed up to see you PLAY!!”
• “Lucy, you’re not focused!”
• “Lucy, you are running around aimlessly!”
• “Dammit Sheila (or whatever his wife’s name is), she’s not even trying!”
I wanted to ask “Trying to what, exactly?” Steal the ball from the kid who is picking his nose? Score a goal, since the net is wide open because the other team’s defense is picking flowers? Wind sprint across the field and slide tackle the kid who has taken his shoes off? What the heck was Lucy’s objective?
I found out a little later that this is Lucy’s second (SECOND!) season of soccer. That explains why Lucy was so far ahead of her teammates. She knew where the field was and seemed to understand that the game began in the center of the field. This gave her a huge advantage over the kids who ran over to their mommies every time the whistle sounded. (My son never got off my lap in the first place and thus was never startled by the whistle).
I don’t know Lucy’s parents at all, but I’m sure they will be easy to track down over the years. They’ll be screaming at the coach at her first grade tee ball games and her father will publicly threaten to disown her when she doesn’t catch a fly ball at her seventh grade softball game. Lucy (she’s 3) is in for a loooong 15 years of parental encouragement. I just hope she doesn’t end up graduating first in her rehab class.
Godspeed, Lucy.
Hey, remember mix tapes? (If you said “no,” get out.) Remember how great it was to spend hours upon hours sitting by the stereo and waiting for the right moment to hit “record” so you could pick the perfect songs for the perfect occasions? When the right combination of Savage Garden and KC and JoJo was going to make Amanda see right past your braces and eczema and fall madly in love with you?
Since then, we’ve gradually evolved into the mix CD, followed by the hilariously short-lived minidisc era, and finally landed on the MP3 playlist, a process so quick and easy that it takes all of five seconds to create “Songs to Drop Amanda’s Pants.” But no matter how much technology improves over time, there’s only so much it can do to provide the perfect music for those not-so-perfect occasions.
Sure, it’s easy to figure out what to play for the big things, like sex (NIN’s “Closer”), break-ups (“I Will Survive”—whether Gaynor or Cake is obviously a personal decision), and long car rides (“500 Miles” by the Proclaimers, played on heavy repeat). But what about those non-milestone moments? What to play during those most awkward of awkward silences?
To that end, we present: The Soundtrack of Your Life, a playlist designed to help you get through those times when a simple mash-up of Tom Jones and Metallica just won’t suffice.
When You Need to Tell Your Coworker That You Accidentally Grabbed His Wife’s Boob at the Company Holiday Party:
When You’re About to Accidentally-On Purpose Walk in on Your Roommate Having Sex:
When the Cops are Closing in and You Know it’s Finally Time to Let Your Prisoner Out of the Basement:
When Your Homophobic Coworker Ambles Over to Discuss Prop 8. Again.: (Video NSFW)
When You Have to Inform Your Partner That You’re Giving Him or Her a Venereal Disease:
When You’re Shopping at Babeland:
When You Need to Tell Your Girlfriend You’re Actually Gay:
When You Need to Tell Your Boyfriend You’re Actually Gay:
Remember: just because Hallmark doesn’t make a card for it doesn’t mean you won’t get through it.
DahlELama and The_Obvious are BFFs who spend a lot of time yelling at the TV, thinking that they’re hilarious, and marveling over the fact that they both eat Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches for lunch every day. This is their first collaboration. They promise the next one will be funnier.
Are you experiencing a slowdown in the speed at which you download kittens that look like Hitler? It might be the Sun’s fault. (Not really, but I can’t think of a way to open this.) On Monday, the Sun shot off an X 2 flare aimed at Earth. Solar flares are large eruptions in the atmosphere of the Sun. The white spot in the center of the above photo supplied by NASA shows this particular flare. They follow an 11 year cycle between activity, and dormancy, and are currently ramping up to a peak in May of 2013. The cycle is a result of the Sun’s magnetic field reversing itself. Every 11 years, its north pole becomes its south pole, and vice versa.
Solar flares are measured according to a scale that starts with A, B, C, M, or X. A is the small end of the scale, while X is the large end. The largest flare ever recorded was an X 28, or the equivalent to a magnitude 25 earthquake back in 2003. X flares, if they are aimed at Earth, are the ones we need to worry about. While the smaller ones may either bounce harmlessly off our magnetic field, or cause aurorae, the larger M and X class flares could disrupt communications here on Earth. Satellites don’t like excess energy, and solar flares are a massive stream of protons that can destroy these things. Already, there are interruptions with radio communication being reported in southern China.
The flare kicked off on Monday, and took eight minutes to hit Earth, because it travels at the speed of light, However, with the larger flares comes something called a Coronal Mass Ejection, which takes several days to reach Earth. This is where the nasty stuff is. A CME back in 1989 knocked out power to 6 million people in Quebec for more than 9 hours.
The CME from this flare is expected to hit sometime today. While nobody is telling people to run to Arken’s fall-out shelter, they do expect some hiccups in communications systems over the next few days.
This video will show you what the solar flare looks like, and help you to understand that the Sun is one giant disco. The juicy stuff hits about 20 seconds in.
