Servicey

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Surrendering a Pet: Do It Right

Sometimes, after swearing you will spend the rest of your life with a dog or cat, a situation may arise where you can no longer keep them. In that case, you often face some difficult choices about what to do with your pet. Sit down. Let’s talk about the process.

Think about why you’re giving up your pet.

Obvious, right? Not in my experience. There are truly some times when you cannot keep an animal. If you are going through a breakup and the only place that didn’t laugh after they ran your terrible credit doesn’t allow pets, well, you can live in a Cavalier down by the river or you can do what you have to do. However, there are situations in which you need to pause a second.

Does the guy you’ve been dating for three weeks “hate” cats? Well, the cat is probably going to be around a lot longer than that guy, with your track record being what it is. Is your dog/cat/rabbit/Gila monster/emu doing something you find really

annoying? Harness the power of the Internet and see if there’s a way to fix it before you give it away, including spending time and money training it. Your parents toughed it out with you, didn’t they?

Don't give this guy up. Someday he could be a champion show hedgehog.

One very important thing to consider: is someone else going to be willing to adopt your pet? If you are giving the dog up because it has severe medical or behavioral problems, it may not be adoptable. If you don’t want to spend five thousand dollars on surgery or get bitten every day, who exactly is going to want to? Yes, there are some of us out there that are willing to take on “special needs” dogs, but not enough. And we all have too many misfit toys anyway and will likely get divorced if we bring any more home.

If you’re confident that you’re making the right decision, then continue on.

Re-homing a dog yourself: Proceed with caution.

Many people feel that they can do the best job of finding their pet a new home. I will tell you this is only the case if you also work at a shelter. Seriously. I’m not under the impression that I could do a better job of designing a website than someone who gets paid to do it. But if you do…

The first thing many people do is post an ad on Craigslist. Fine, but the person that wants your German Shepherd is also a pervert who’s trolling adult services. Never, ever, give your dog away for free. If you want to know what happens to free dogs…listen, you don’t actually want to know. Even in the event that the “adopter” is good-intentioned, if they’re unable to pay a small re-homing fee they may not be prepared for the cost of owning a dog.

If an interested party seems sane, ask questions of them. Do they have pets now? What’s their vet’s name? Can you see their house? Do they wear a lot of Ed Hardy? What’s their favorite old movie? You get the picture. If they’re reticent to give you their information or let you come to their house, they are hiding something. Be honest with them, too. If your dog is destructive or your cat hates kids, it’s your responsibility to find a home that can accommodate these issues.

You can often post ads on purebred rescue or adoption websites, but keep in mind that it can take months to get a response, and interviewing prospective adopters is a job in and of itself. Let’s assume you decide to go another route.

Bringing your dog to a shelter: Do your research and plan ahead.

There are as many different types of shelters as there are breeds of dogs. So if you’re unable to keep your pet, try to find a facility that will give him or her the best chance at finding another great home. Many rescues and shelters have limited space and there may be a waiting list. If you wait to call shelters until the day you leave the country to avoid that “bogus” felony indictment, you may not be able to choose where your pet ends up.

If you have time, visit and ask questions about their policies. Do they euthanize? Under what conditions? Does the facility seem unclean and the staff uncaring or do you see the dogs and cats frolicking with volunteers? Dogs and cats need enrichment when in a shelter environment. Try to find a facility that gives the animals toys and attention, allows adequate space, and doesn’t put animals that aren’t related in the same cages.

Find a shelter that has enough space for animals they take in.

Many shelters will keep an animal up for adoption until they find a home, as long as they remain adoptable. So don’t trick yourself into saying that your rabid Chihuahua, referred to as “Jack the Ripper” by everyone in your building, will stay up for adoption if he bites someone, or if he really does have rabies, for that matter. Even “no-kill” shelters will often not put a very sick or aggressive animal up for adoption.

Get everything together.

As the time approaches, make sure that, logistically, you are prepared to bring your animal to the shelter or to its new home. If you are not giving your animal up due to financial reasons, please get your pet up-to-date with all vaccinations and spay or neuter them if they’re intact. This can ensure that they remain healthy in the shelter and they may go up for adoption quicker. In addition, the shelter may ask for a fee at the time of surrender. Again, unless you are financially unable to do this, pay it. They are shouldering the cost of its care indefinitely, and your pet is not a donation.

Write down his or her daily habits, the name of the vet, personality quirks, fears, favorite toys- anything that comes to mind. Many shelters keep this information in the animal’s file and can tell the new owners what Captain Crunch loves to play with.

Also, anything Crunch has, be it litter, toys or scratching posts, can be brought to the shelter. Many will tag the items so they can go with him to the new home. Even if the shelter’s unable to do that, donations are appreciated.

The hard part: Saying goodbye and letting go.

There is no witty or light way to put this: the day you walk away from your pet will be brutal. Get it done early in the day. When you get to the shelter, there will again be some paperwork and they may want to get a brief history on your pet. Just get through it. Again, be honest. Many shelters do a temperament evaluation on animals, so they’ll find out if your dog goes insane when you try to take a bone from it.

A lot of shelter volunteers and staff may seem unsympathetic- unfortunately, this is the byproduct of seeing thousands of animals a year relinquished. If you are giving up your Cockapoo because your four-year-old “promised” she’d housebreak it and take it for walks but didn’t follow through, you deserve every bit of their contempt. Sorry.

Hopefully, though, you aren’t giving up your pet for a reason like that, and you work with someone who is kind and understanding. Know that in most shelters, including those that bill themselves as “no-kill,” an intake counselor cannot guarantee your pet will go up for adoption or tell you when.

Please remember, most shelters and rescues are unable to tell you anything about your pet, including whether he or she has been adopted, or give it back to you, once you relinquish ownership. This is often legally binding. If you have any reservations about leaving your pet at this point, don’t do it. In the end, trust that they will do everything they can to find it a forever home, and it may be more painful to know whether your pet is still at the shelter four months from now than not to know at all.

Go home and do something to take your mind off it.

Have a margarita, or a massage, or both. I can’t tell you it will ever stop hurting, but you’ll know that you did the best you could for them. It’s a difficult choice, but if you do it the right way, and you’re realistic about what will happen, someday, you’ll sleep easier knowing the pet you loved has someone else that loves them too.

 

To find a shelter or rescue in your area, click here.

 

Meditations on a Breakup

Rejection is a bitch.  A big one.  She’s one of those friends you try to keep at arm’s distance because you know she can’t be trusted.  But she still has access to all the hot parties and coolest people, so you allow yourself to go along for the ride.  Sometimes, you let your guard down and convince yourself she’s “not so bad.”  But she’ll always betray you in the end.

Rejection is a drama queen.  If things aren’t about her, she’ll make them about her.  And when she’s not getting the attention she thinks she deserves, boy does she let you have it.  And when Rejection lashes out at you, duck for cover!  She’ll always go for the jugular and ensure that you are made to feel as shitty as she wants you to feel.

You are always a little uneasy about the information you share with Rejection.  From petty embarrassments to deeper insecurities, you never know when the information you provide will be thrown back in your face.  She swears that your secrets are safe with her, but you’ve heard her talk about other people so many times that you are always on edge.  Somehow she manages to get the goods anyway.  She’s great at prying for information.

Rejection has one hell of a jealous streak.  She’s that friend who, when you come home from summer camp, always wants to know everything about the people you met and connected with there.  She’ll trash them so thoroughly and repeatedly that you’ll start to believe her.  That really cool kid that you had a great time with, but who lives on the other side of the country?  When rejection is done messing with your head, you’ll be convinced he was a bully and user who only hung out with you because of the copious amounts of Pop Rocks in all of your care packages.

Rejection lies.  A lot!  She’ll tell you that someone said you were fat, unattractive, not successful enough, super annoying and that you smell like cheese.  Even if the other person simply said they thought the jeggings you wore on Friday made your ass look lumpy.

Unfortunately, Rejections is also a family friend that you grew up with and have known your whole life.  You may successfully avoid her for years.  But the threat of running into her at a family party or seeing a Facebook update is always present.  When she does reenter your life, it’s always like a hurricane.  Only someone who knows you as well as she does can get under your skin like that.

In other words, Rejection is an inevitable presence in your life.  As such, she’s sort of useful.  Sure, you may want to bash your head against a wall for weeks after running into her.  But once you’ve calmed down and put things in context, some of Rejection’s lessons can be useful.

It’s useless to stay mad at her.  That’s sort of what the ol’ drama queen wants anyway.  The best way to handle it is to take a breath, think it through and then move on.  After all…

 

Recipe Sunday: Chipotle Chicken With Cumin Cream Sauce

Our anniversary was last week, and to celebrate we walked around Burlington and then we went out to dinner.

It was an amazing dinner. In fact it was so good, that I intentionally left about half of it on my plate to bring home for dinner the next night. But, the restaurant was busy, we had shopping bags in the booth with us, and it took us a while to pile on our layers of winter attire. As a consequence, I didn’t realize that I had left my doggie bag on the restaurant table until we were half-an-hour away.

I’m not going to lie, I was irrationally annoyed.

And I know that, “Something, something, something, is the chipotle chicken of invention.” So I decided to try to recreate the dish.

Chipolte chicken with cumin cream sauce

  • 4 chicken breasts
  • 1 tablespoon of chipotle powder
  • 1 tablespoon of ancho chili powder
  • 1 tablespoon of hot smoked paprika powder
  • 2 teaspoons of cayenne powder

Mix the spices together on a plate.

Cumin cream sauce

  • 1 large diced red onion
  • 1 large sliced shallot
  • 3/4 cup of white wine
  • 1/3 cup of half and half
  • 3 teaspoons cumin

Rub the chicken breasts with olive oil on both sides, and coat the breasts on both sides with the spice mixture.

Grill both sides of the chicken until done and tent the with foil to keep warm.

For the cumin sauce: In a small saucepan saute the sliced shallot and diced onion in olive oil. When the onions and shallots are soft, add the white wine and remove from heat. Stir in the cumin and, when the sauce has cooled for approximately 5 minutes, turn the heat on low and slowly add the half and half. (Letting the sauce cool for a few minutes will keep the sauce from breaking. (Or it least it helped quell my paranoia about the sauce breaking.)

Slice chicken and serve on top of Spanish rice with the cumin sauce drizzled on top.

Dear Lala – Help, My Bathroom Is Heinous!

Dear Lala,

I am submitting a few pics of what is probably the most heinous bathroom ever. At least I managed to get the brown and gold swirl flocked wallpaper off the walls…yeah. It was that bad. So this is an improvement if you can believe it.

My style is traditional. Not just because  I find it comfortable, but for purposes of resale, its easier to sell something traditional than it is a Japanese soaking tub, glass block walls, or something equally out-there (for  NJ anyway).

My budget is as low as can be. I’m honestly not sure of how much any of the work will cost (I’m waiting on estimates). The joists run parallel to the bedroom walls on either side of the bathroom. Moving the toilet (assuming its currently centered between the joists) will give me up to a foot of possible movement. I don’t want to move the toilet to a position where a joist would have to be drilled, since it could compromise the structural integrity of the joist.

Help!

Ditzy Blonde


Dear Ditzy,

I can assure you, this is not the most heinous bathroom that I have seen but I feel your pain. It is a daunting task planning a bathroom renovation because it requires so much skilled labour to get the job done- plumbing, electrical, carpentry. It can also yield the highest return on investment when selling your home. You have some homework to do and decisions to make!

No one has an unlimited budget so it is important to make a list of your deepest desires and a list of your actual needs. Ultimately, every good reno will have a mix of splurge items and budget basics. My non-negotiable here would likely be a custom walk-in shower and separate bathtub. I could live without custom cabinetry because so many vanity and storage cabinets come in such a wide array of stock sizes, shapes (and finishes) that can create a nearly custom fit. Staying with a neutral palette & a classic design scheme will also allow you to get creative (read: frugal) when it comes time to shop.

Click to enlarge. Toilet & plumbing position remains same, single entrance moved to hall. 2 proposed plans.

So, let’s talk floor plan. I hate to start my first design advice post by disagreeing with your contractor over toilet position but I can’t help myself. Nothing makes this princess want to stab herself in the eye more than a conversation with a contractor. I am not saying they don’t walk away feeling the exact same about me, I am just saying.

Unless I am reading your plans incorrectly, I don’t see a reason the toilet cannot be moved/stack rerouted along or up that backwall with perhaps the worst case scenario being a possible bulkhead below.  Since I don’t have plans to the floors beneath, I will not belabor the point. I will revisit it a few short paragraphs away…

Click to enlarge. Bath & vanity wall elevations.

Toilet position aside, the double entry from the master and guest bedrooms is taking up a lot of precious real estate. I know this layout provided endless sitcom fodder on The Brady Bunch but I’m not sure I want to be in any bathroom comedy situation with overnight guests. I recommend you position a single entry from the hall. You could still maintain a hall linen cabinet on either side of the door but I might be more inclined to opt for a roomier shower and max out storage on the vanity wall. The splurge in this scenario is the custom fitted glass wall & door of the shower with full tile wall. You can offset this by choosing a drop in tub that fully covers the deck surface & selecting from stock cabinetry.

click to enlarge

Make sure to provide ample lighting from multiple sources, usually meaning window, recessed, sconce and hanging. Really make your space sparkle- the space is gutted, so be sure to take advantage: have recessed lighting and sconces on separate switches with dimmers. Choose simple, classic fixtures and hardware.

 

Don’t be afraid to use large tiles in a small space. A nice 12″ x 24″ porcelain tile will feel luxe. I love porcelain tile, it has the depth and feel of marble (without the $) and the available colours will mix beautifully with marble countertops. Most large DIY stores carry ready-to-install counters in crema and carrera marble. I suggest mixing the same color tile in a variety of sizes, in the same shape: 12″x 24″, 4″ x 6″ subway in the shower, and maybe a smaller mosaic or basketweave for the vanity & bath backsplash. The continuity of colour is really calming, the mix of texture keeps it interesting and fresh.

 

1. click to enlarge

I cannot end this post without including the plans that place the toilet where I want. Because I am a princess and because I cannot stop redesigning your master bath.

The same principles always apply- there is custom luxury and builder basic in equal measure.

1. Beautiful, traditional mix of creamy, dreamy tile, rich toasty wood, painted panel moulding with freestanding bath. *Best part: toilet is hidden behind wall. I do this whenever possible. Tub, vanity and faucets are all from Lowe’s so keep abreast of those sales! Tiles and tubs get discontinued, thus discounted regularly.

 

2. Click to enlarge

2. Probably the closest plan to the drawings you sent me and likely the the most budget friendly in spite of that pesky loo because I have left the doors. Comedy gold, Ditzy!

Insignia linen cabinets and full tub surround are also all from Lowe’s. I recommend injecting some luxe in this scheme by adding the mosaic detail in the center of the room, a tiled ‘area rug’, if you will. Repeat the painted shaker detail on the facade of the bathtub, wainscoting and on the entry doors. Really ground the whites in the room by mixing in oil rubbed bronze fixtures (door knobs, hinges & drawer pulls). Punctuate with a rich wood frame mirror.

 

3. Click to enlarge.

3. Sophisticated shades of grey punctuated with dark wood and crisp white. The vanity & medicine cabinets are from Restoration Hardware. The built in bookcase above the bath is from the bottom of my heart. I am a sucker for a built in! Porcelain floor and wall tiles, glass wall shower.

Has your head exploded? Mine too! That’s okay, collect yourself and have good long think about what you would like to achieve. Price out high, medium and low options. Sit down with qualified and enthusiastic contractors and show them these floor plans. Be very clear with them and yourself about what your actual budget is. Then get excited, and send me the after shots. Good luck!

 

S.L.Y.,

Princess Lala

 

*Please send your design dilemmas & disasters to [email protected]


Click to enlarge

 

*UPDATE

@MissAnitaMan

Cheap as chips.

Estate Vanity $148.00, Estate Medicine Cabinet $88.00, Olean Pinwheel Floor Tile $12/sf, all from Lowes. White subway wall tile $00.23 each from Home Depot.

I still might paint the room a beige/ creamy white for a bit of contrast. Maybe Benjamin Moore Ballet White OC9 or White Sand OC10. Good Luck!

NYC On a Budget (Of Nothing)

As someone who’s done their fair share of couch crashing, I feel I’ve become somewhat of I’m definitely an expert on being poor in New York City. Yes, I moved back home to figure out what the hell I’m doing with my failure of a life and, more importantly, be able to eat on a daily basis, but you know what? Being poor in New York rocks. Well, as long as you’re young, pretty and know the right people. The following may not work for anti-social uggos.

1) Be a Good Actor

Did you spend all the money your parents sent you on bagels and coke and now find yourself in the middle of Times Square at 1AM, in drag, without any way of getting home because you’re borrowing your friend’s bike and she went upstate for a few days and it’s locked away in her dorm at NYU?

It’s not a problem! You can’t hop a turnstile in this area, it’s too heavily policed, but while walking down 40th, give yourself a panic attack, walk into the subway station and start freaking out about how you just got mugged and mutter about how you used to think the Garment District was safe these days!.

The station operator will alert a police officer who will ask if you want to file a report. Say no! You just want to get home. He’ll ask you where you live. Say Brooklyn, off the G. He’ll feel bad for you and let you in. Congratulations! You have just conned your way to free transportation. Get home safe, buddy!

2) Know Your Parties

Have you not eaten in days? No worries, go downtown! I know, I know the Meatpacking is so five years ago, but, you know what? A lot of those clubs serve dinner, and they’re actually really good! I had some great burgers and a mind-blowing grilled cheese at Avenue one time. They have really good steak too, and, as long as you’re with a promoter, that’s all free, along with a couple bottles of vodka!

SoHo Grand’s been cutting down on their promoters and, my favorite (who no longer works there, unfortunately), the fabulous Sofia Lamar always ordered us fried octopus, pizza and fries. No food tastes better than free food.

It’s also a good idea to know which open bars work best for you. The answer to that? All of them. My favorite is the Vandam party which serves free vodka drinks for the first half hour. It’s my favorite because my friends and I have a system that nets us around 30 free drinks during that period.

2a) Don’t Discriminate

Forever 21 makes really cheap clothes, but if you ever get a chance to go to one of their parties, go. They throw the best damn parties. Champagne flowing like it’s water, hors d’oeurves of amazing quality that never seem to run out and gift bags with free clothes! And they’re always early! We finished around 1130, then popped up to Hudson Hotel for more bottles before heading downtown for yet more free alcohol and cute boys.

2c) Know Your Bartenders

I can’t stress this enough. Tip them when you have money and tip them well. You will be rewarded with free drinks after enough time. This one bartender shot me a missed connection after seeing my most terrible karaoke performance of all time in Williamsburg and while I never got to his bar because it was all the way in Greenpoint (seriously people, I just don’t do the G late at night. It’s traumatic. I’d get off the A and walk to get home), I have drink tickets for when I’m back in New York because we stayed in touch.

3)  Sleep Around

Explore the city by letting others explore your body. You don’t have to sleep on your friend’s floor every night! Just meet a cute guy and go back to his place. After all, you have an insane roommate, so you obviously can’t go back to your place! Finally, a good night’s rest!

4) Be Into Art

Did you know that you can get into the Met for a penny? Surely you can scrounge up a penny. That will give you hours of air conditioning during those sultry, summer months.

There’s also a gallery opening every night, and you know what’s at those openings? Free food and booze.

5) Be Social

You never know who you’re talking to. It might be the owner and then you might get more free booze. Happened at B.E.S., happened at B.East, and, basically, it can happen anywhere. Everything from cocaine to Patron to Margiela can be yours for free as long as you’re a social butterfly who knows how to work the game. It’s not easy, but you can do it! I know you can! Get out there and enjoy being young and poor in New York City! To be in poverty is to be in bliss.

No One Here Gets Out Alive: The Thrilling Conclusion

In Part One, we examined the need for choosing a Health Care Proxy and making decisions about your Advanced Directives. In Part Two, we examined the realities about CPR and artificial nutrition.  Those are the big decisions that you need to make, but there are other things you may want to consider and put in your Advanced Directives/Living Will.

Hospital Transfers (Do Not Hospitalize order): If you are in a nursing home or even receiving treatment at home, you or your HCP can request a Do Not Hospitalize (DNH) order which is basically what it says.  If you  were to become acutely ill, you would not be sent to the Emergency Room  for evaluation and treatment, but be treated where you are, non-aggressively.  Hospitals can be a crappy place to spend your last hours.  Busy, noisy and intrusive not to mention frightening to someone with dementia or really anyone in crisis.  Hospitals are not the place for a peaceful death – if that is your goal.  However, without an explicit order, it’s possible that you may get sent in by a skittish provider who is not familiar with you or your wishes.

No Diagnostics or Treatment: You can also ask to have no diagnostic work – blood work, x-rays etc.  And request not to be treated for such common ailments as a urinary tract infection or respiratory infection.  You may decline surgery, dialysis, blood transfusions and medications.

Organ Donation: Please, please, please be an organ donor.  Let your family know of your decision and register as an organ donor. Even if you or your loved one has been sick for a while, they may still be eligible to donate skin, tissue or corneas.  There is a myth that if you register as an organ donor, the ER staff will not work as hard to save you.  Nothing could be farther from the truth.  ER doctors and nurses live to save lives.  It’s what they do, it’s who they are.  Trauma unit staff take it personally if they can’t save you.  It’s all they think about.  They are not going to let you die if there is a single thing they can do about it.  So please don’t not register because of this urban legend.

There are always going to be situations that don’t fit into the categories we have discussed.  Again, I will recommend Five Wishes.  This tool helps you think about life and death and what you priorities are.  You can also use it to think about what a loved one may have wanted, if they haven’t expressed their wishes beforehand.

Nothing is harder than to have to make these decisions for someone you love.  Please try to talk about this with you loved ones.  Even if you can’t talk about it directly, try to understand and appreciate what makes life worth living for them, what their spiritual beliefs are so you can make the best decisions should you ever be in that position.  And always remember it’s about the person who is sick, not about you.  What would they have wanted?  How would they want to live or die?  What was important to them?

For anyone who is going through, or has gone through this, you have my deepest sympathy.  I hope you are able to find peace and feel that you have done the best for your loved one.

As promised, an excerpt from my own advanced directives:

In the event that I

a)     Am in a terminal condition caused by illness or injury and have no reasonable hope of recovery or becoming aware of my surrounding or being able to use my mental abilities and/or;

b)    Have a progressive illness which will continue to worsen and result in my death and which cannot be improved or cured –including, but not limited to, progressive neurological diseases including, but not limited to: Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, ALS, MS, or any form of dementia and/or;

c)     Have any condition that makes me unable to recognize people or to speak understandably and this condition is permanent and cannot be improved or cured, but is not considered in and of itself to be terminal, including, but not limited to, a persistent vegetative state, coma, severe stroke, injury or the progressive neurological diseases or dementias listed above, my wishes regarding medical intervention are the following:

No resuscitation (no manual, electrical or chemical cardiac resuscitation)

No intubation or any form of respiratory support (see below re: oxygen

No dialysis, no blood transfusions

No surgery for any reason or condition

No oral or IV/IM antibiotics or any other medications given with the intent of saving or prolonging my life.  Any underling medical conditions such as (but not limited to) diabetes, hypertension, DVT should not be treated, nor do I wish to be treated for any acute illnesses including (but not limited to) urinary tract infection or respiratory infection.

No artificial or supplemental nutrition or hydration in any form or via any mode of delivery.

No diagnostic testing or monitoring whatsoever.  No blood work, no imaging nor any other test invasive or non-invasive to diagnose any illness or condition.

If I am in a skilled nursing facility, sub-acute or rehab hospital, no transfers to any acute care hospital or emergency department for care or evaluation under any circumstance.

I DO, however, wish to be given any medication, including, but not limited to, narcotic and/or non-narcotic pain relievers, benzodiazepines, anticonvulsants or similar medications IF the sole purpose is to decrease pain and/or increase comfort. As a nurse, I fully understand that these medications often, when used in amounts necessary to fully ease suffering, may hasten or even cause my death.  I also authorize the use of oxygen so long as it is being used for comfort measures and not for prolongation of life.

Training Corner: Appetite for Destruction

Welcome to EthologyNerd’s Training Corner. Each week I’m going to take a look at the most common behavior problems pet owners deal with and offer some solutions. This week: Destructive behavior.

It’s important to first understand why dogs chew. Basically, it’s in their genes: from an instinctual standpoint, chewing is the canine version of sucking. Wolves, hyenas and other canids do it too. When a human sucks, endorphins are released in the brain; when a dog chews, it gets the same endorphin high.

From an evolutionary standpoint, it started with bones. Bones are filled with marrow and therefore high in nutritional value. Chewing also helps promote healthy teeth and gums. Consequently, canines that were able to procure bones not only got more nutrition, but had stronger teeth, ensuring they were more adept at hunting. Those dogs were also more likely to survive and breed.

The domestic dog has a couple more reasons to chew. Puppies, like babies, explore the world around them with their mouths. As a puppy grows, they, of course, begin to lose their puppy teeth and begin teething. Teething typically occurs between 3 and 10 months of age; if your dog is older than that, there are other factors at play.

Some dogs are specifically bred to put stuff in their mouths. I’m looking at you, retrievers. Dogs like this typically have what’s called a “soft mouth,” meaning that, while they’ll walk around all day with a tennis ball in their mouth, they aren’t as likely to destroy things (although some still will). Those dogs were originally used to retrieve hunted game without mangling the carcass. Terriers, however, are born to seek and destroy. Any terrier breed, be it Jack Russell, pit bull, or Schnauzer, was originally used

IRL, he would have destroyed those ruby slippers.

to catch game and kill them. So they will delight in ripping up any toy they can; it’s pleasurable for them because it mimics the hunt.

So…neato. You have a dog that’s genetically predisposed to eating your Uggs. All well and good, but unless you have some kind of Ugg tree in the backyard, you want to stop it, huh? Well, it’s a good thing I’m here.

Put it away if you don’t want it in your dog’s mouth.

This is the number-one rule. You’re a biped with opposable thumbs, so you can open/close doors and reach high shelves. You may need to get inventive, and it may ruin your living room’s aesthetic to live for a while without those cute throw pillows, but you’ll lose them for good if you leave them lying around.

On that note, supervise your dog when you’re home. If you have to, clip a leash to your belt, or just keep them in the same room with you, door closed. This will prevent them from finding something before you can stop them.

A tired dog is a good dog.

All dogs need mental and physical stimulation. The above mentioned terriers and retrievers are full of energy. If you own a dog that is bouncing around the house and getting into all kinds of trouble, that dog is basically begging for exercise.

Aim for aerobic-level exercise for at least 30 minutes a day. If you own a Chihuahua, less; if you own a Border Collie, much, much more. Dogs also need human interaction. If your dog is alone twelve hours a day, consider a doggy day-care or a dog walker so you don’t release the Kraken when you walk in the door.

Get your dog some things he’s allowed to chew on.

Invest in some good chew toys. Puzzle toys, of which Kongs are the gold standard, are sturdy and also provide mental stimulation if stuffed with good treats like peanut butter or frozen wet food. Make sure that you never leave your dog alone with a toy that can be ripped apart and eaten, and remove any toys the dog has begun to tear up, as it can be a choking hazard or lead to intestinal blockage.

If you find little Jezebel with a knife in her mouth, gnawing blissfully on the handle (true story), don’t chase her around the house, yelling wildly. Your dog thinks this is the greatest game ever and will start to grab stuff just to play tag. Instead, find one of “her” toys and lure her into taking that; once she’s happily chomping away, praise her. This will teach her that, when she chews on the appropriate objects, mommy or daddy loves her. Also, sleep with one eye open.

Don’t expect perfection. Your dog is incapable of reading human minds (probably).

When you come home to a house that looks like meth-heads burglarized it, sigh dramatically, clean it up, and have a glass of wine. You only have a window of about two seconds to reward or redirect a dog’s behavior. So if they chewed up something an hour ago, they have no idea why you’re crying.

Many dogs chew things when they’re alone out of anxiety or boredom. Separation anxiety is a huge issue, and will be addressed in another article. Regarding boredom: if you don’t provide your dog with something to do, he’ll find something to do, and guaranteed it won’t be balancing your checkbook.

Crating with a good puzzle toy when you’re not home is the best way to ensure that your dog doesn’t get into trouble. Crating, when done properly and for appropriate amounts of time, is comforting to dogs as it mimics a den-like atmosphere for them.

Ultimately, channeling destructive behavior into a lovely evening with a Nylabone takes time and patience; if you have a young dog, I promise it gets better.

Please, feel free to share your ugliest destruction stories in the comments. If you show me yours, I’ll show you mine.

 

Introduction to Veganism

So you want to learn more about vegetarianism/veganism? Or you don’t, but this article came up and you’re procrastinating at work/school/life so you’ll read it anyway? Good enough! This is meant to be kind of a brief intro to what this stuff is all about, and will respond to some of the main questions that generally come up in this topic. If there’s a particular area of vegetarianism/veganism (veg*nism) that you would like to know more about, let me know! I love talking about this stuff.

The Basics
A vegetarian is someone who does not eat meat. They may still consume dairy, eggs, and possibly fish (but fish is really a meat). Vegetarians have been around forever!

A vegan is often defined as someone who “begins with vegetarianism and brings it to its logical conclusion.” Vegans attempt to consume nothing that originally came from an animal. This includes clothing, shoes, jewelry, cosmetics, and of course, food. The term was coined by Donald Watson, an Englishman who founded the British Vegan Society in 1944.

But Why?
If you’re a vegetarian or vegan, you’ll know that the question everyone asks you (along with the protein question) is “Why did you decide to become a veg*n?” People go veg for a variety of different reasons. The main ones:

For the animals
There is nothing “circle of life” about our modern production of meat. Animals are kept in terrible conditions for the sole purpose of being killed. This is generally where all the ethical arguments against eating animals live. Many people believe that there is no such thing as “humanely-killed” meat. Additionally, the principle of not using animals for our own gain (this can be extended to circuses, rodeos, and even pets) is often used in reasoning against using honey, pearls, and other things that we generally think of as not harmful to the animals.

For personal health
Eating more plants and fewer animals has been linked to lower cholesterol, higher fiber, lower rates of cancer, diabetes, heart disease, osteoporosis, and a host of other health issues. For more info on this, see The China Study.

For the environment
Factory farming is incredibly damaging to the environment. Livestock’s Long Shadow (pdf file), published by the UN’s Food and Agricultural Organization in 2006, details the many harmful impacts that raising livestock has for the environment. One of the more interesting facts: all factors involved, livestock contribute more to greenhouse gas emissions than all forms of transportation.

ZOMG where do you get your protein?
I figure we’ll just tackle this one right off the bat. First of all, you probably don’t need as much protein as you think you need. The average American consumes about double the protein his or her body actually needs. (Source) So let’s just relax about that. The general formula to determine how much protein you need per day is your body weight times 0.36. So a 140-pound person would need about 50 grams of protein per day. Obviously if you’re an athlete and/or a pregnant or breastfeeding woman you’ll need more. Veg*ns can get protein from legumes, grains like rice and quinoa (kee-nwah), tofu, nuts, and non-dairy milks. However, it is true that while all meats offer complete proteins (they have the 9 essential amino acids which cannot be produced by our bodies), most vegetarian sources do not. Quinoa is one of the only plants that is a complete protein.

Aside from eating quinoa all day (which wouldn’t be the worst thing), us veg*ns can use what are called complementary proteins- where one source is missing an amino acid or two, another one has it, and when eaten together or during the same day, they complement each other. We already form complementary proteins in many of the foods we commonly eat: rice and beans, falafel in a whole wheat pita, peanut butter on whole wheat bread, cornbread and beans. Basically legumes + grains is a good way to go.

What do vegan zombies eat? Graiiinnsss..... graaaaiinnss!!

Some Random Nutrition Notes
Hopefully I’ll get to do a later post on veg nutrition, but for now a few brief things. Being vegan does not necessarily mean eating healthier. A lot of junk food is vegan (and delicious). But that’s not really what veganism is all about, so in between bags of Tings, have a leaf or something.

Even if you’re not looking to go veg, a good guideline for healthier eating is to eat the food as close to how it naturally is as possible. This means eating corn on the cob, not corn nuts. Using rolled or steel-cut oats rather than the instant oatmeal. Basically, when you go food shopping, you should look for food that has five or fewer ingredients listed, or better yet, just one! This way you can better ensure that you’re getting the most nutrition and the least processing possible in your foods. Now, I can’t ignore the cost issues here- it’s fucked up that buying junk food is less expensive than buying broccoli or something, but if you can try to eat more whole foods without going broke, it’s absolutely worth it for your body. Former Jezebel readers beware, but legumes seriously are the shit in this regard. They are cheap and incredibly nutritious. This doesn’t mean eating lentils for every meal every day, but maybe buy a bag of beans instead of that chicken breast. The larger societal and governmental issues of our food system can’t really be addressed right here, but I’ll include some links for those of you who want to read more on this (Food Inc. also addresses this issue).

So that about wraps this up. Do you have a particular food/meal you’d like to share with the group? Good books, articles, films, etc.? Let us know in the comments!

But I want to know more!
Complementary proteins
Sources of protein
Wikipedia on Veganism
Physician’s Committee for Responsible Medicine protein info
Vegan Action
Vegans of Color
Racism & Speciesism
Mark Bittman, Food Matters (lots of good information)
Compassionate Cooks
Carbon Footprint Calculator

Organized Hacking Contest: Pwn2Own

Hacking is usually an ‘underground’ sport, something nerdy Eastern Europeans do in their mother’s basements. The only time a hacker would come together to meet another hacker would be on an IRC channel. Not so anymore, with conventions like Defcon, Blackhat, and CanSecWest.

CanSecWest has an interesting contest. A hacking contest. The targets are the most common browsers: IE, Firefox, Chrome, and Safari. A new feature this year is the addition of smartphone hacking: Apple iOS, Windows Phone 7, Google Android, and BlackBerry OS. In total there is $125,000 in cash prizes. Another cool aspect of the competition: if you hack the computer running the target browser, you get to keep the laptop.

Like any good contest, there are the favorites. Charlie Miller, a software analyst from Baltimore has won the contest 3 times before. In 2009 Miller took down Safari running on an Apple in 10 seconds! He scored $10,000 and a laptop for his troubles. “Nils” (The contest allows anonymous entries) – a German computer science student, won last year, cracking Firefox, Safari, and Chrome in less than 10 minutes. In 2009, Nils broke the encryption for IE 8 the day before it was released, netting a new Sony laptop and $5k. George Hotz, the 21 year old who broke the Playstation 3’s copy protection (not to mention being the first person to ever jailbreak the iPhone) will be competing this year.

The biggest challenge this year is Google’s Chrome browser. Chrome runs in a ‘sandbox’ mode in Windows (basically insulating bugs in Chrome from affecting the underlying Windows system.) Google has put up $20,000 if someone can break Chrome’s sandbox mode in the first day.

Contests like this just aren’t cool in the computer security world. They provide vendors with information on how to improve the security of their products. When someone hacks a browser/device they also share technical information on how they did it with the contest organizers, TippingPoint. Details on the hacks aren’t released to the public until the vendor has time to fix the bug.

Pwn2Own runs during the CanSecWest conference, being held in Vancouver CA between March 9-11 2011.

Behave Yourself In an Animal Shelter

This is (hopefully) the first in a series of articles about animal welfare and animal care. More and more people, and it seems, a lot of Crasstalkers, are opting to rescue dogs or cats. This is fantastic. However, in every shelter I’ve worked in, I have seen some of the most ridiculous behavior ever…and not by the animals. Wanna adopt? Great. Here’s how to make sure you actually save a life instead of making a shelter worker’s miserable.

1) Come in with an open mind

Maybe you’re looking for a specific age/breed/color. A lot of shelters have online request forms you can fill out and be notified when an Afghan hound puppy is available for adoption (hint: you will be waiting a while in that case). Maybe you don’t know what you want, but then see a dog that is just adorable. Either way, keep in mind that the way an animal looks or behaves in its run or cage is in no way indicative of its behavior outside of it. Staff members often know these dogs and cats very well. They’ll try to help you find a good fit.

That said, be realistic about your lifestyle. If you want a dog that will sit on the couch while you comment on open threads all day and a volunteer tells you that young Meth Lab needs 2 hours of aerobic-level exercise a day, take them at their word. Otherwise you’re going to need a lot of Xanax. For you and the dog.

2) Do not complain about the adoption fees or the adoption process

Almost every shelter is either city-run or non-profit. No matter which type it is, the animals aren’t eating filet mignon and playing with solid gold Kongs. In one shelter I worked at, the adoption fees literally did not cover the cost of caring for the animal during its stay. If there isn’t a vet clinic on site, you may be asked to pay for the spay or neuter, typically at a reduced price.

I say this in the nicest way possible: Shut your mouth. You’d pay thousands of dollars at a pet store for a mentally and physically unsound dog. You’re paying two hundred dollars for a dog that’s likely been vetted and temperament tested. Plus, you’re giving a homeless dog a new start. That’s worth it.

And the adoption process? There’s probably a form to fill out. Less complex than a 1040EZ, but more complex than grabbing a kitten and leaving. There are a lot of reasons for this. Firstly, just like at your job, records are kept. Secondly, we want to make sure you’re not starting a dog-fighting ring. There may be an interview, or a home visit, or a vet check. Again, this may be annoying if little Jazzlyn wanted a kitten for Christmas and it’s Christmas Eve, but Jazzy will have that cat until she drops out of Bennington after that debacle with her professor. She can wait two days.

If you don’t have thirty cats, keep your pets’ vaccinations up-to-date, and have good intentions, you’ll be able to adopt. The procedures probably aren’t in place because of you, but we don’t know you. So humor us and be patient.

3) Ask questions, and don’t tolerate rudeness

Lots of shelter workers and volunteers are overworked, and the phrase “I hate people” is only heard more often in the back of a restaurant. They see things…terrible, terrible things. So they can sometimes be abrupt or rude. That is not a reason, however, to allow yourself to be bullied, condescended to, or rushed through an adoption process. A medium-sized dog’s life span is, on average, 10-12 years. A cat, 14-16 years. That’s a hell of a commitment. So if you have questions about temperament, habits, health, or anything else, don’t hesitate to ask.

Tell the staff what your deal-breakers are (scratching? Biting? Barking? Jumping the fence?). They may not always know an animal’s background, but then you can take into account just how many unknowns you’re comfortable with. Any issue that concerns you is an issue you should address before you find out the dog they said was “kinda housebroken” is actually not. The staff says the dog you’re looking at is destructive? Ask NOW what that means. If it means the dog is going to claw a 3′ x 2′ hole in your bathroom wall, decide how much spackle you’re willing to purchase.

If the person you’re working with is nasty, ask to talk to someone else. And if everyone is unhelpful, go to another shelter. If they don’t take the time to help you find the right match, another shelter will.

4) But do understand the staff does know quite a bit

“I’ve had dogs all my life.” “My cat didn’t have a urinary tract infection so of course I didn’t take it to the vet; it wasn’t using the litterbox because it was angry with me.” “Rubbing the dog’s face in its poop is the only way they’ll get housebroken.” Okay…no. Along with keeping an open mind about which animal you adopt, keep an open mind regarding any advice the staff has.

Some shelters are volunteer-only; volunteers may still be a valuable resource for information regarding animal behavior and medical care. If you like a dog that isn’t housebroken, but you have no idea how to house-train, they can tell you how to do it, and reputable shelters will still help you with questions and concerns even after the adoption.

Paid employees are trained to do this for a living, and while they make less than McDonald’s employees, they do know a whole lot more. If they suggest that adopting a three-month-old puppy is not a good idea because you are working eighty-hour weeks, listen. If you come in espousing corporal punishment for your dog (or cat-I have heard that one too), and you are completely adamant that there is absolutely no other way to teach an animal, you are not going home with one. Guaranteed.

5) Be honest

This last one is more of a moral issue, but lying results in the worst kind of experience for both staffers and potential adopters. If your dog hasn’t gotten a rabies vaccination in five years, tell us. We’ll find out when we call your vet. If you’re honest, and get them up-to-date, you’ll probably be able to adopt. If you have four cats but say you have two because you think you won’t be able to adopt another one, and then we find out you lied, you’re not getting that cat. If you’d been honest and your town allows five cats, you would have been able to adopt.

If your last five pets got hit by cars, or you gave them away, say so. I’m not going to lie (see? I’m so MORAL!): you probably won’t be able to adopt, but you also need to step back a bit and think about whether making a lifelong commitment to the health and welfare of a pet is something you’re able to do right now.

If you get caught in a big lie, and it’s been made clear that you won’t be able to adopt a pet, graciously see yourself out. Fervent begging will not help. Yelling obscenities or threatening anyone will result in the police showing up. For God’s sake, please don’t just head to the shelter down the street. Lots of shelters share their “Do Not Adopt” list with each other, so we’re on to you. Instead, go get a fish, and work your way up from there. When you are ready to accept the responsibility of pet ownership, be honest and explain how things are different. We really do want these guys to get adopted- even the nicest shelter isn’t a home.

Oh, and don’t come in drunk or high. We’ll mess with you and make fun of you the whole time.

Get to adopting!