Charlie Sheen’s Violent Torpedo of Truth/Bipolar Disaster Dickhead show opened Saturday night in Detroit, and in an absolutely shocking turn of events, it completely sucked. Over at Entertainment Weekly, they live blogged the whole fiasco. Before the show, the reporter questioned some fans outside the theater, asking if they were worried about Charlie’s mental health. Answer? Hell no, they just thought he was funny. Yea, funny until the guy holds a knife to your throat, shoots you, or beats the shit out of you. But whatever.
The show started ten minutes late, which isn’t really terrible as far as shows goes. The opening act, a comedian that I can’t even find the name of, got booed off the stage with the crowd chanting for Charlie. In fact, it got so bad that Sheen came out, begging the crowd to give the dude a chance. No such luck, and the poor comedian was off the stage in 20 minutes.
After a confusing part where the lights came back on, Charlie’s set started with a video montage of his own movie clips. How narcissistic can one asshole be? The answer seems to be “limitlessly so” as Charlie came on stage and began rambling about trolls and warlocks, going into his typical (old, boring, dumb) routine, talking about napalm and “sweat eating whores,” which basically morphed into a typical whining screed about how everybody is so mean to poor Charlie.
After the crowd became restless, with many walking out and booing Sheen, he taunted the crowd by boasting “I already got your money, dude!” Charlie then made the wonderfully sensitive remark about how he should share some stories about crack, since Detroit seems like “good place to tell some crack stories.” Wonderful. Then there’s this great live blog update from EW:
9:23 — We are watching video of Charlie Sheen playing Call of Duty.
Sheen continued to berate the crowd, basically making fun of them for wasting their money. Apparently, Snoop Dogg was supposed to show up (and Sheen and Snoop recorded a song together? WTF?). Snoop was a no show, and people continued to leave in droves as Charlie continued to offend everyone. The show ends with a video montage/music video, Charlie doesn’t bother to come back out, and the show is literally over by 10:20.
RadarOnline has some video of this catastrophe, if you have the stomach to bear this. It’s mostly him rambling about inane crap. I don’t think we’re (read: I know we’re not) really surprised by this utter shit show, and we shouldn’t per se feel sorry for the dumb schmucks that shelled out actual cash for this crap, but one could wonder about all the shows in the future. As previously reported, these shows aren’t really sold out, and rather, ticket scalpers/re-sellers bought mass amounts hoping to make a profit. Maybe Charlie Sheen will cancel future shows, refund everyone’s money (not likely), and go sit in the corner? April Fools!
This March, Top Chef: Just Desserts‘ Erika Davis led a dessert demonstration for those interested in making the perfect mousse. Today, Erika is the Executive Pastry Chef at the Ponte Vedra Inn and Club and the Ambassador for Callebaut Chocolate. In addition to teaching us how to make a trio of chocolate desserts, she was kind enough to answer questions from the audience about her background, her experience on the Bravo show, and her advice for Season 2 contestants.
Cookie Dough and Kosher Cooking
Erika has been baking since she was knee-high and began decorating cakes when she was 12. She was, of course, a big fan of the Easy Bake Oven – multiple Easy Bake Ovens. “I would blow that joker up just so I could get a new one every Christmas,” she says. She even sold cookies and cakes to her teachers in elementary school. Her chocolate chip walnut cookie, one of the cookies she used to hock to her teachers, was part of the winning team during the bake sale competition on Top Chef: Just Desserts. (Remember Team Pep Squad vs. Team Glee Club?) You can buy the cookie dough that helped crush the glee club like a chocolatey delicious Sue Sylvester at The Ultimate Cooke Dough Company.
After graduating community college for culinary school, Erika got her professional start at several kosher bakeries and restaurants in the Detroit area. Her tip for making a moist parve (non-dairy) cake? Soak it in simple syrup (water and sugar).
Pre-Heat the Oven: The Top Chef Interview Process
When producers called Erika to ask her to apply to the show, she asked if she was being punked. After recomposing herself, Erika gave them her contact information so they could send her the 28-page application. She also had to send them a video demo of her doing something in the kitchen. Next, she was flown to LA for a two-day lock-in in a hotel where participants were only allowed to leave if a show rep came to get them. They were given psych evaluations (a question I’m sure many people have had after watching some Bravo shows). In fact, they met with 3-4 different therapists. According to Erika, the therapists would say “this is who you are and this is your personality” – and totally nail it. Finally, the potential contestants would meet with a couple producers who would decide who moved on to the show.
The Top Chef Challenge
The contestants stayed in LA for 32 days – whether or not they were eliminated early on. When they arrived, they were put in a hotel room and all recipes and personal items were taken and put in a Ziploc bag. Erika thought, “I’ve just been stripped naked!’ because everything that is personal to you is gone.” As a pastry chef, cooking without recipes would also be a major challenge.
The show took care of the contestants the entire time they were there. Erika notes that the downtown LA loft they were put in was not glamorous like the facilities seen on regular Top Chef. Because it was the first season of Just Desserts, they did not have a major sponsor like Whole Foods since no one knew how the show would turn out. Surprisingly, the cooking show contestants weren’t fed the most delectable of culinary cuisine – Erika soon grew sick of grilled chicken and Caesar salad. The schedule was grueling. It isn’t movie magic – The first quickfire really did take place their first day there. The episode where they were challenged to create a chocolate outfit was a 20-hour day. They started around 10:00 pm, worked into the morning, went to bed around 7:00 am, and woke up for the main event at 11:00 am. Once a contestant was eliminated, he didn’t get to go home; he was put up someplace else for the remaining time and worked on voiceovers.
Simmer Down Now
Unsurprisingly, competing on the reality show came with a certain level of stress.
Says Erika:
There was no break [in the competitions], and they do that to see what you can take on stress and see if you’re worthy. . . You gotta be tough. After a while, it’s like, ‘do I wanna be here?’ You start second guessing yourself. Is it worth it? But it was completely worth it because it just showed how strong you were. And it couldn’t have been harder than us just busting our tail in the kitchen at work, but it was constant without proper sleep. You don’t get to sleep in your own bed, you don’t get to see your family. They take everything away from you that’s your comfort, no bible, no books for reading, no computer, no nothing. All you have is yourself and the people you have in the house.
Her way of dealing with the drama? “I stood back and let everybody clown.”
Advice for Season 2
Bravo recently announced that Season 2 of Top Chef: Just Desserts is being cast now.
Erika’s advice for the next batch of contestants?
Be true to yourself. Believe in yourself with your flavors and your talent, and [say] a nice prayer with your family before you go, and know that you have a support group. For me, I was going against myself; I wasn’t going against Seth or Danielle or Morgan. . . I had my own little war, and if you watch the show, you will see everyone had their own little war, but that’s what made the show, that’s what made each character their own personality. Be yourself and know that you are worthy of being on there or else they wouldn’t have put you on there.
Meet Fabrice Fabrice (the name’s so nice, you can say it… AGAIN). Fabrice Fabrice is the creation of Nick Kroll, a comedian who’s currently on the show “The League.” (Ask your boyfriend about it. He probably knows it well….)
So Kroll, who looks like a typical, married Accord-driving suburban dork from the accounting department, has created one of the most outrageous alter-egos I’ve ever seen. Here he is on John Oliver’s recent Comedy Central special:
Fabrice Fabrice isn’t actually a performer. He’s the craft services coordinator. Here he is explaining his work on the set of “That’s So Ravyn.” (I also love the way Fabrice Fabrice holds the microphone.)
Last week we got a gander at the plastic monstrosity that was the new Wonder Woman costume. We were furious! We were confused! Mostly we just thought spending $19.95 for a Party City Halloween Shit-Suit was silly! Well, there have been new developments.
Apparently, NBC has heard all of our copious concerns about the epic tragedy that was a blue car tarp stretched out over a lady’s body. You see, they must have gone back to the drawing board and decided that the total effort wasn’t flawed. Why, no. What the costume from Hefty really needed was a color change, and maybe pants that were a bit less blue, but nonetheless still existent. (I favor the traditional get-up, and not these star-spangled hotpants.)
So here, behold what NBC has devised as a workable compromise. Is this any better? (Update is on left. Original look is on right.)
Holy Christmas Crapsack! I don’t think this is better. No, no I don’t. Is she a bag of lettuce in a grocery cart? What’s with all the ill-fitting rumpleness? Seriously. Why does it look like nothing about this fits? It’s like a prom dress with an out-of-shape bodice that the debutante has to keep pulling up lest her ta-tas fall out during the awkward Glamour Shots photo. She needs more support, spaghetti straps, less silicone….something, anything.
We collectively saw no need for the high-heeled boots. They were totally non-functional for a crime fighter, so the addition of flats here is a good choice, and the traditional red is an improvement…but they still just look so cheap. Like they just painted a pair of the blue ones and removed the heel. Is that what they did? It looks like it. Urgh. While getting rid of the shiny pants is better, replacing them with blue thermal underwear, and affixing a few gold stars, just seems like a quick fix. Everything about this still says, “We don’t know what we’re doing.”
I guess David E. Kelley probably likes this immensely, because I don’t believe the television law provocateur really understands superhero fiction. So I imagine he’s comfortable with his new action star looking like she stepped out of a lady wrestling episode from the late 1980’s.
Here she is doing some action type things…er, robotically.
What do you guys think? Is this a fair improvement?
Elton John and Bernie Taupin created the songs that are the soundtracks to major motion pictures, Broadway musicals and generations of people the world over. So what would this week come down to? SONG CHOICE! With all the perfect, amazingly written and arranged songs the John/Taupin duo has gifted to the universe, of course it would come down to song choice, wouldn’t it? Because America voted off Casey last week, and the judges shot him from a cannon right back into the competition the coveted one-time-only Judges Save, we had eleven contestants to serenade us. Eleven will enter; nine will return. Oh the drama! Let’s go to the tape.
**Author’s Note: I wonder when American Idol’s interns will realize that the video link to the performances on the American Idol page says “What the performances again” (yes, I typed that correctly).
Wheat:
Hey. Where’s your boyfriend? He’s gone isn’t he? Yeah, mine too. That little tart Hailey slinked on the piano, dismounted the thing with the grace of a baby bird leaving the nest for the first time, and then finished her delivery of a sassy, jazzy version of…Benny and the Jets? Yep. The love child of Joan Osborne and Natasha Bedingfield found her sweet spot and created “a moment” for herself. Good for her. Goooooood fooooor her.
Do you hear that sound? That’s the sound of Randy back-peddling faster than Seacretin after announcing that his boyfriend’s name is Julian. He means Julianne! Julianne Hough, the female country singer/Dancing with the Stars champion! What were you thinking? The back-peddling is because Pia gave Randy the big middle finger and went with “Don’t Think I’m Not Gonna Sing Whatever The Hell I Want Let The Sun Go Down On Me.” It was another ballad, not something up-tempto, and she sang it so well that she made The Old Lady cry inside. Not the gentle cry of a few tears, but the howling ugly cry, contorted face and all. Oh, that’s how she normally looks? I see…
Our disembodied, back from the dead, gingerbread head got a beard trim. Nope. Still not talking about Ryan’s girlfriend – sheesh! Casey actually trimmed his unruly firebush upon the recommendation from one of the producers that he cut it off so that America can see his face. He didn’t go all the way, but we finally could see that there was something attaching his cranium to his corpus. Fact of the matter is, he picked THE SONG, “Your Song,” and he sang it well. It wasn’t Ewan McGregor in the elephant but it was sweet and heart-felt and that’s exactly how that song should be sung.
Little Lauren ain’t worried about a hot dang thing. She’s so solid in this. I would not be surprised if she Carrie Underwood-ed this entire season. Just you watch. On a related note, this may be our first all female final since season 3.
Chaff
Presented without comment:
What’s that you say, Country Crooner? You picked the only Elton song that had the word “country” in it? You don’t say. Lack of creativity? Check. Safe bet? Not so fast. But our little Crooner add-libbed a “Love you, grandma!” right into the middle of his song the hearts of the elderly ladies across this fine country of ours just melted. Puke. Truth is, every song he sings sounds like every other song he sings which sounds like every song you’ve heard on country radio. So, what happens to him on Idol hardly even matters. He’ll head to Nashville and get a recording contract.
African Earth Mother just booked her job at The Sandals resort in Montego Bay for a season. Good thing, Naima, because America is done with you. Well, except that many will see you on their honeymoon and at some point during your performance of the reggae version of “Sweet Caroline,” Kathy will turn to her new husband Bo, and ask him if he remembers where she’s seen this woman before. He will take a sip of his piña colada, slap his hand against his thigh, turn to Kathy and say “I don’t know, babe.” Kathy will continue to wonder about this as Diana DeGarmo joins Naima on the stage for a rousing rendition of “When You Believe.”
What’s a male diva called? A divo? Well, folks. Our resident over-singer Jacob went full-on D-I-V-O last night. He was just standing there in the middle of the stage singing “Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word” as the building crashed down around him, people fled the theater, stars exploded in the sky as our divo manned the stage like the captain of the Titanic.
Remember Michigan J. Frog? Okay, Stefano is my Michigan J. Frog. I carry him around in a shoe box and when it’s just me and him, he comes out with gleaming smile, his top hat and cane and just puts on a show! And then I put him back in his shoe box and take him to The Old Lady, Venus from the Block and the Dawg, and he just sits there. I even try to take him to a bar and show the locals what he can do so maybe I can get some free drinks and still, nothing. He’s infuriatingly inconsistent! I fear Stefano will always be Almost Famous.
Where does one find a rose-covered suit, an Elvis-impersonator’s garage sale? He’s like a magician with his bright white Julia Roberts smile, and his fake tan and his perfectly placed hair: look over here so you don’t see what’s going on over here which is the slow murder of your ears. Again, I just can’t with this guy.
TOE-TOUCH! I have been momentarily rendered speechless.
How do you solve a problem like Megia? She is a woman-child. Poor thing thinks she has to prove herself by singing songs that are much, much older than she is. I get it, I guess. She’s a bebe but doesn’t want to seem like the goofy, awkward girl who can’t walk in heels (she can’t) in a world of hardened performers who have been dropping CD’s at studios for years and performing in Coffee Plantations all over Los Angeles. Doesn’t work. Never has. Is Randy Jackson married? I noticed a ring. Anyhoo…
As the house boy band returned to the mansion, all but one sharing a knowing look before retreating to their respective rooms, Casey sat alone in the quiet and darkened kitchen. He knows. He knows they are all plotting against him. He knows that for the rest of this competition, he has a target on his back. But he also knows that tonight, he did it. He did it. He picks himself up from the table, gives props to the Taylor Hicks in the sky, and retires to his room to sing another day.
Bottom Three: Thia Megia, Stefano, Naima
UPDATE/SPOILER ALERT: Well that wasn’t a surprise. Our bird of paradise, Naima, and baby bird, Thia Megia, flew away tonight. Remember, if you love something, VOTE FOR IT ON AMERICAN IDOL or it will die a slow death of a reality TV star.
This is the true story of five All-Stars, picked to cook on an island, work together, and have their lives taped. To find out what happens when people stop being polite and start being total culinary douchebags… you should probably keep reading.
It’s been such a long journey to the finale that we could just mise en plotz! But before we do, it’s time to crown Top Chef’s first ever “Best Chef of All the Chefs Who Proved Not to Be the Best in Other Seasons,” and before we do that, we need a little background on the season that was.
The season started with 18 chefs, but the combination of too much salt and too much crazy quickly whittled the contenders down to the five (it was supposed to be four, but apparently, no one sucked enough to get booted, which was super convenient considering how many episodes were left in the season!) who’d be going on to the finals in the Bahamas:
In this corner, we have the itch you can’t scratch, the rash that refuses to go away, the houseguest that won’t leave, Tiffany “I’m From Beaumont, Bitches” Derry!
In this corner, weighing in at five-foot-awesome with three ounces of pot, we have Antonia Lofaso, Purveyor of Perfect Food, Champion (well, 4th place) of Chi-Town, Tigress of the Toque! (And the toke, too!)
In this corner, hailing all the way from Fraggle Rock, the Selcouth of the South, the Chicken Pot Pie Perfecter, the Spectacle in Spectacles, Carla “Hootie Hoo” Hall!
And in this corner, weighing 145 pounds…more than he did last season, the Robber of Recipes, the Beast from the East, Mike “I’m with stunad” Isabella!
And, in the center of it all, stands the Lord of Liquid Nitrogen, Atlanta’s own Jimmy Neutron, the super-flammable Richard Blais!
From L to R: Tiffany, Richard, Mike, Antonia, and Carla
Of course, only two would remain standing for the finale, and after cooking for Bohemian royalty, rocking out with their conchs out, and cooking last suppers for some lusty chefs, MikeyNeck “Jersey Douche” Isabella and Richard “When did he become such a dick?” Blais emerged victorious. Let the games begin!
Gratuitous Padma Shot
The big challenge is essentially a mini-variation on Restaurant Wars: Cook the four-course meal of your life and put it on the menu of a pretend restaurant with a pretend name even though you’re serving it at a real restaurant with a real name. The two cheftestants immediately get to discussing which of the previously ousted chefs they would take on as sous chefs and writing slanderous comments about them in their Burn Book. After a few games of MASH and doing each other’s hair, they discuss their super secret strategies for the competition, because nothing screams “brilliant competitors” like discussing your plan with your opponent. (Although, to be fair, if they didn’t, Mike would’ve just stolen Blais’s from his notebook anyway.) Mike immediately declares that he would bang choose Jenn Carroll, because despite her crazy blowouts and monumental exit, she’s still hot a great chef. As it turns out, Blais too wants Jenn C, though not necessarily in a sexual way, as well as Angelo, also not necessarily in a sexual way.
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter who they think is awesome, because they’re forced to choose blind: each previously ousted chef’s amuse bouche is laid out before them, and they are to choose their teammates based on whose bouche amuses them the most. Mike is pretty blatant about simply attempting to pick out which one is Jenn’s (and which one isn’t Marcel’s) but the static generated by Blais’s hair interrupts their BFF connection and Mike ends up with three non-Jenn ladies, in the forms of Tiffani, Jamie, and Carla. (H/T to Psshwhatever for her brilliant and oh-so-telling tweet: “Funny that Mike always denigrates the female chefs and then just picked 3 of them, blind, based only on their food to help him.”) Blais gets a little closer to his original wishlist, successfully selecting Angelo in addition to Spike and Antonia. As Marcel leaves, everyone breathes a collective sigh of relief and toasts his departure with champagne and an impromptu dance party.
Now comes the important part: naming their restaurants. Blais, ever-the-whimsical (as he’ll be the first to tell you in a super serious voice as he comes close to tears and is clearly on the verge of vomiting), selects “Tongue & Cheek” as his restaurant’s name, which is both cute and kinda gross. Mike, in tribute to his youth, names his “Restaurant Iz,” after what we can only assume is his pre-op moniker.
Source: Videogum. Obviously.
On to the menus! Over on Team Iz, Mikey’s Angels’ suggestions are being roundly ignored by Captain Douche, who knows exactly what he wants: chocolate vinaigrette, plus some other stuff. Team Blais, on the other hand, is “ultra-collaborative” from the minute that tank of liquid nitrogen is opened. Blais’s plan is a protein explosion of sorts, to be capped off with a delicious Cap’n Crunch ice cream–wait, what’s that? I’m sorry, we’ve just gotten word from the godawful-decisions portion of Blais’s brain that he’ll be replacing Cap’n Crunch ice cream with foie gras ice cream instead. Fantastic. No chance that’ll turn out disgusting and lead all the judges to vomit on camera. None at all.
Enter Tom, who informs Mike that no one saw him getting into the finale. Like, nobody. His own mother is surprised that he has any skill. Shockingly, he has no such words for Blais, who’s pretty much been the favorite since before the cast was even announced. Now exit Tom, because it’s time for judging!
The cheftestants are set up at two different restaurants, each one with its own panel of judges. (Don’t worry—they’ll switch when they’re done!) Padma is captain of the blue team, which consists of legendary chefs Lydia Bastianich and Hubert Keller plus another guy who just so happens to be the man behind all the ridiculously unsubtle wine product placement. They begin at Tongue & Cheek and are treated to Blais’s “surf ‘n turf” menu which consists of:
Raw oyster with crème fraiche pearls
Raw hamachi with fried veal sweetbreads, garlic mayonnaise, and pickled celery
Pork belly, black cod cutlet, bone marrow, beets, Brussels sprouts, and kumquat
Beef short ribs with mushrooms, red cabbage marmalade, and celery root horseradish puree
Foie gras ice cream with cornbread and whipped mango
The dining went well, and we saw the judges thoroughly enjoying the food. You know who else saw them enjoying the food? Top Chef’s own Spike “Mata Hari” Mendelssohn, aka Spy-ke, who eavesdropped on the judges comments with all the subtlety of Ke$ha while rocking one of his trademark Carmen Sandiego fedoras. However, his skills as a dick secret agent proved to be extremely useful, as he convinced Richard to fix up his revamped dessert to make it look a little more fit for a fancy feast instead of just looking like Fancy Feast.
At the same time, Tom and his crew—Gail Simmons, Art Smith, and host of the upcoming Top Chef Masters and all-around hot guy Curtis Stone are being served Mike’s Italian-influenced menu (did you know Mike was Italian? In other shocking news, Tiffany’s from Beaumont) of:
Spiced beets with mozzarella truffle and chocolate vinaigrette
Halibut with kumquat marmalade, cauliflower puree, and pancetta crumbs
Glazed pork shoulder with pepperoni sauce(!), roasted cabbage, and turnips
Rosemary caramel custard and pine nuts with citrus, celery, and apple
After catching their breath from multiple foodgasms, the judges took their place at the judgement table that totally hides the fact that they are wearing pajama pants. The judges had high praise for nearly all the food, which is especially meaningful for Mike because it is the first time he has actually pleased a woman. Gail admits to bathing in Mike’s pepperoni sauce because it makes her skin glow and rack huge. Tom can barely contain himself, exclaiming to Richard, “Hachi machi! That was some great hamachi!”
It’s time for the big announcement and friends and family gather around for the results. Noticeably absent was Richard’s wife who was only moments away from giving birth to a fauxhawk. Fortunately, Mike’s wife, who is 69 times more attractive than he should be able to get, could make it because she refuses to spawn with Mike as giving birth to a child who inherits his neck-size is not a risk she is willing to take. Channeling her inner-Seacrest, Padma pauses dramatically before revealing who will win the 200,000 Buitoni raviolis. The winner is… RICHARD BLAIS! Mikey rolls his eyes, Richard tears up, Antonia smiles with a blunt between her lips, Padma and Gail make out, Tom and Tre rub each others bald heads, and Carla runs around in a circle screaming “Beeeeeeeeef Tongue.”
And so, another season of Top Chef comes to an end. Blais can finally emerge from the padded cell where he’s spent the past two-and-a-half years in his rocking chair, contemplating his loss, and Mike and his wife can finally consummate their marriage, much to her chagrin. But, since only Blais leaves the show with a prize, we think it only fair that Mike at least get a musical sendoff, and so, from one New Jersey-ite to another… goodbye, JD. You truly did go down in a blais of glory.
DahlELama and The_Obvious both wanted Richard to win, but, more importantly, wanted Mike to lose. They hope that Carla will one day get her own show, preferably a variety hour featuring humorous skits, whimsical songs, and animal guests. They wish Antonia many happy snacks and choose never to think about Tiffany again.
What’s worse than hearing that one of your favorite shows is delayed for a year because of money squabbles between the “suits” that run the studio, the show creator, and the network? Well, how about the mind-boggling reasons behind the squabbles. It’s one thing to think the cause is some amorphous, “We think the show is great, now we want to figure out who gets what cut of the profit” reason. We expect this kind of behind-the-scenes dealings. And we’re willing to put up with it, since we know Hollywood is a grubby little greed-field full of hungry muskrats. But when the reasons bleed into the integrity of the show…well, that’s a whole other bag of bad.
Reports reveal that the continuing standoff between show creator Matt Weiner, AMC, and Lionsgate Television, is centered on a few main points. AMC/Lionsgate is asking for: integrating more product placement into the series, cutting 2 minutes from each episode’s running time in favor of more commercials and eliminating/reducing two regular cast members to save money. To which Weiner has basically said, “That’s some crazy shit that I’ll never agree to.” Considering what’s on the table if the deal goes through, this is an interesting position to take. He stands to make $30 million over two years and become the highest-paid showrunner on basic cable. Is he really this altruistic? Is he really putting the integrity of the show above his own desires for economic success? Well, for now it would seem that way.
And it’s not any wonder. We can tell that the show is a labor of love for Weiner. Granted the series is expensive to produce and the ratings still wouldn’t classify the show as a bonafide hit in the sense that Two and a Half Men is a bonafide hit (And I say this to make a point. Watch Mad Men folks). Invariably, the show struggles every season. But, the reason why it’s critically acclaimed and an award-winning program is the authenticity, the keen attention to detail, and the well-crafted artistic vision and workmanship Weiner has strived for. He knows that he has something worth its salt, and selling it out for cheap…well, that’s not in the cards for him at this moment. But it does make one wonder what AMC is thinking about their flagship series.
“This is their storied franchise, and they want it shorter and cheaper, with fewer actors and more product integration,” an insider said. “The negotiations are about to collapse as a result.”
Reps claim the negotiations are still underway, and Tuesday, in a bold move, AMC announced that the fifth season is slated to premiere in March of 2012 despite not having a deal with Weiner. This would be a clear deviation from the approach taken two years ago when similar negotiations occurred. AMC wanted 2 minutes of extra commercial load for the show. The two sides were able to reach a compromise and agreed to let the episodes run into the 11 PM hour so ad time could be added without having to shorten the scripts, but it looks bleak that a similar situation will unfold without some flexibility from the networks. This new deal would basically rescind the former arrangement, but would still leave Mad Men‘s running time 90% longer than most other basic cable shows. Which begs the question if basic cable is really the right place for a show like Mad Men, a show that has a sweeping storyline and relies heavily on the subtle evolving of its characters and their environment.
Personally, as a fan, I’d take two more minutes of commercials instead of haggling over more product placement, since in my opinion products can be worked into the show more seamlessly, so why negotiate? The whole fooking show is about advertising! The idea that the studio wants more advertising on a show about advertising when they do nothing but product placement in most every episode is just too meta for comprehension. What do they think stories that center around ads for Samsonite, London Fog, Honda, or Utz are? But the idea of cutting out beloved characters sounds ludicrous and empirically asinine. Who would they get rid of? Well, obviously Betty can go for a long walk off a short pier, but other than scowl-face, who else would we be willing to lose for the sake of saving a few bucks and making this show into a shilling pile of jokes between just Don and Roger like some sort of Martin and Lewis routine, eh? Yeah, I’m thinking what you’ll lose is the entire viewing audience.
Reports as of last night indicate that AMC may be walking back some of those original statements about cutting characters.
“They’re not asking Matt Weiner to change the show’s DNA, and they are not asking him to fire or cut two actors. That was part of a list of suggestions that they gave to him or to his people to monitor the budget on the show.”
Addressing the question of product integration, the source said, “[Product] integrations have been happening from season one. It’s not additional product placement, it’s basically being able to talk about the product placement in the show, it’s an issue of transparency about the product placement that has gone on since season one, so their partners can talk about it.”
However, Weiner’s camp maintains that AMC has indeed put cutting talent on the table.
Matthew Weiner told The Huffington Post that the issues of actor cuts, episode time cut and product integration were not merely suggestions, as indicated by a previous source, but instead were definite AMC demands.
“The casting is a hard and fast thing,” the source said. “They’re not making a suggestion, that’s not how these things work, that you cut your budget after you cut your deal. They said cut $1.5 million in cash expenses per year, which is the equivalent of two actors. They give you a number they want you to hit, and you have to hit it.”
The source added that the budget cut each year would require cutting two actors every year for three years, and not bit players. “Series regulars,” was how the source described the type of role that would have to be cut.
Apparently life is imitating art. Can’t you just see Campbell, Cosgrove, and Harry Crane, looking furtively at Don’s closed door hoping they don’t get called in? And since AMC has utilized their option with Lionsgate they’ve intimated that they can move forward with season 5 with or without Weiner…and that would be horrible. What would Mad Men then become? [Insert awful NBC show here.]
I just don’t know. Who do you believe? Hey, Weiner, maybe you better start answering some email from HBO!
Last weekend we here at Crasstalk waged a mighty battle to find the worst that modern music has to offer. Unfortunately, we also discovered that many of us are big fans of these horrible songs, even if we will only admit it on the internet. I will not name the person who likes the Little River Band, but it was really that bad. So, after some discussion, it was decided that Crasstalk needed a regular column to celebrate bad taste. So I bring you Guilty Pleasures, a series for you to confess the darkest secrets of your cultural soul. This week we will discuss the very worst in television. There is plenty of bad TV to choose from, but don’t be bashful. Show us the absolute worst stuff you watch when you have the house to yourself. I’ll show mine first, just to make it fair.
A special thanks to LoremIpsumDolor, Mean_Ol_Liberal, and Daisy_Sage for coming up with this idea.
This is Jericho. Yes, I know it is terrible, but The Grand Inquisitor pretty much likes any show that starts with a nuclear war in the first episode.
On sort of a similar note, I am the only person in the entire country who liked this show.
Back off, nerds. I’m not gonna argue about it.
All right, I have bared my soul. Now it’s your turn.
With the unwanted departure of Splendorina (come back!), there has been a void in Top Chef foofaraw. I am here to assure you everything will be ok. The sous-vide machine is plugged in, the GE Monogram appliances are fully stocked, and Padma and Gails’ breasts have been hand-inspected by yours truly. It’s time for the finale of Top Chef! After such a strong start to the season Top Chef has been dragging its feet for the past few weeks, though it would have been hard to match the epic first elimination challenge (cook the dish that got you booted off the first time around). Maybe it’s because I don’t find myself rooting for either of the finalists but considering how epic the first five episodes were it’s kind of been a letdown. But after the waste of time of the D.C. season it’s still a step up, and it would be criminal to not have a quality breakdown of the final two contestants.
You fancy, huh?
The somewhat surprising flame-outs of Angelo and Dale (and most shocking of all Jennifer’s Ep. 2 freakout) seemed to pave the way for a Richard Blais redemption. All season long the edits kept hammering home the point that Blais “choked” in his finale, and that everyone else saw him as their biggest competition. If the talking heads didn’t remind us that Richard was extremely neurotic and self-critical, it also painted him as an unlikely villain, talking down Carla’s simple food or acting like there weren’t any chefs of his caliber in the Top Chef house. I didn’t expect to find myself hating Blais, but thanks to the magic of Bravo editing I want him to fail miserably and succumb to all the stressors in life. You’re a fucking grown man, get a real hair cut and take some goddamn pride in your work, you’re fucking weak. But while I would like to see him fail, I don’t want to necessarily see him lose. And that is because of…
His name is Head. Dick Head.
Jersey Mike! Oh, what a perfectly despicable reality show character Mike Isabella has become. Barely memorable in the Las Vegas season thanks to the greatest final four the show has ever seen, Isabella added twenty pounds and a whole lot of attitude for the All-Star season. From the first episode his talking heads have consisted of nothing but disparaging others for their so-called “simple” cuisine. As for his own cooking, I don’t recall him making anything particularly memorable or garnering a ton of praise from the judges. There was the whole “controversy” of Mike stealing Blais’ dish but as much as I dislike him that seems rather extraneous. He could be a fantastic chef and an overall quality human being, but there is just something so eminently hatable about Jersey Mike. His terrible wardrobe consisting of Ed Hardy/Affliction t-shirts, copious use of hair gel, oh did I mention the misogyny? Because it’s pretty obvious after two seasons that Jersey Mike does not have much respect for women in the kitchen. Throw in the constant “Eyy I’m Italiano!” references and it’s enough to make you under-cook your Buitoni ravioli. I want Mike to lose and I want him to lose badly. I want Richard to dump a tank of liquid nitrogen on his greasy hair and shatter it with a hammer.
Who do you think is going to take home the title? Also, to further discussion, what were your favorite moments of the season? Aside from the awesome season opener, I thought Restaurant Wars was pretty incredible. The way Marcel’s team kind of just threw him under the bus before things even started was a bit sad but equally hilarious. Tre’s awkward laugh destroyed any notions of going gay, Antonia became a hero to high school stoners everywhere and Carla continued her reign as greatest Top Chef contestant ever. Hootie Hoo!
In this episode of Sister Wives, we travel deep into the Utah jungle to observe the habits of polygamists. TLC viewers have been fascinated with the history of these primates and the camera crew took pains to document their day-to-day life. From shopping, to camping, to bickering about money, we heard all the details.
For some reason I will never understand, I am fascinated by the logistics of large families. Perhaps it is because I have plenty of trouble managing the logistics of my small family. I am awed by the management and coordination that goes into managing a mega-family. Janelle and Christine talked about how they team up to manage the food costs in the household. I would’ve liked to hear more about that. I assume they do a ton of menu-planning and spend lots of time telling the children “No”.
Christine went shopping then loaded huge bags of flour and sugar into the family bunker. I was trying to figure out what all the tins in the pantry are for. Do you think it’s those survivalist food supplies that they sell at Costco? I’ve always wondered who buys those. I can’t imagine dealing with all that flour. They must have to constantly sift it for weevils. Ugh. That’s way too prairie for me.
The family seems to have lots of concerns about finances like almost every family on earth. Janelle seems to know how to run a budget like a champ. I could really use a sister wife like that. My husband and I both loathe dealing with the numbers. I did find out, through a bit of research, that Kody and Meri filed for bankruptcy back in 2005. Janelle mentioned that Kody is an impulsive spender. I wonder if she’s decided to take the reins financially to prevent another money crisis. So far, Janelle is my pick for sister wife if I had to choose among the four. I might consider Christine if she agrees to do all the shopping.
There was lots of noise about Robyn not working. It’s my understanding that she relocated to marry into the family and that’s why she doesn’t currently have a job. She’s looking but I can’t imagine that publicity from the show is going to help much. I feel bad for Robyn because she used to have a job and manage her own money. Now she’s dependent on a family that has not yet deemed her worthy.
Since this episode aired, the family has moved to Nevada. Does that mean Janelle had to give up her job? You have to wonder. Janelle doesn’t seem like the type to leave a job without some type of guarantee of financial stability. Kody is currently managing the Kody Brown Family Entertainment which probably coordinates all their interviews and appearances, but I’d like to think they actually moonlight as traveling minstrels.
Janelle and Kody went camping to celebrate their 17th anniversary. I’m “meh” on camping but I’ve heard there are people who actually enjoy pooping in the woods. Kody said the trip was relaxing and I’m sure that it was because Janelle, as usual, appeared to be doing all of the work. Janelle has perfectly arranged her place in this family. She is as useful as they come. I’d be willing to share a house with anyone who works that hard.
By the way, there has been a rumor floating around the internet that Aspyn, Kody and Christine’s daughter is pregnant. She’s not. Evidently, people started speculating based on what they perceive as a “baby bump”. Nope, it’s just the rapidly changing figure of the average adolescent. Next week, it looks like there is a little smidge of conflict between Christine and Robyn and, as usual, one of the wives is in tears. It sounds like there’s going to be more financial bickering since Meri loses her job. Whee.
Personally, as a fan, I’d take two more minutes of commercials instead of haggling over more product placement, since in my opinion products can be worked into the show more seamlessly, so why negotiate? The whole fooking show is about advertising! The idea that the studio wants more advertising on a show about advertising when they do nothing but product placement in most every episode is just too meta for comprehension. What do they think stories that center around ads for Samsonite, London Fog, Honda, or Utz are? But the idea of cutting out beloved characters sounds ludicrous and empirically asinine. Who would they get rid of? Well, obviously Betty can go for a long walk off a short pier, but other than scowl-face, who else would we be willing to lose for the sake of saving a few bucks and making this show into a shilling pile of jokes between just Don and Roger like some sort of Martin and Lewis routine, eh? Yeah, I’m thinking what you’ll lose is the entire viewing audience.
