Fashion

109 posts

Even Big Girls Have Hosiery Needs

I can smell the hosiery in the air. You see, I am in Target. And I have a target.

If the Fat Ladies don’t pounce on their hosiery needs now, when summer is not yet officially over, there will be no tights. You Skinny Minnies don’t understand. You don’t understand why I am here, growling, in the second week of September, ready to drop 200 hard-earned bucks on tights and fight to the death for the the privilege of doing so. I seize a choice red cart, slightly faded from spending too much time in the sun outside at the OK Carridge Corral, and head in. Continue reading →

Project Runway Season 9: Malls To The Wall

Welcome, shoppers to the Mall of Project Runway. In the eighth episode of season nine, Heidi brings some menz out on the runway, and the designers cringe. Menswear? Oh noes! We cannot do menswear. Menz don’t have boobies and they have men’s business in their crotchal area, which makes the possibility of “crazy crotch” pants ever so much more likely.

Heidi has the sewtestants choose a mayun, and they take this serious. For reals, they think they’re designing for these men. Ohio Oliver is immediately turrified. He likes his models to be hangers, because they are flat chested, and they are not “fat”. Ohio Oliver… I am disappoint, son.

We move to the workroom and once errybody is all arranged, Tim relents and lets the sewtestants know they’re really designing for the menz’s wives, using input from the menz. Oh Tim, you’re such a trickster. it seems that we’re in the Project Runway Mall. Each designer is in a pretend atelier, designing for a real world client. How did they fare? Continue reading →

Project Runway Season 9: Therapy Not Included

Hi there. Are you centered? Are you grounded? Let’s do a few deep breaths, and get into our me-space.

This week on Project Runway, also known as Amateur Therapy Hour, we saw so many emotions, didn’t we? So many emotions, all mixed up in a big old stew of crazy. You need a tissue? Here, take the box. Looks like our remaining sewtestants were divided into two groups in some sort of daisy-chain selection method, where each person selected then turns around and selects the next team member. Very John Dewey, wouldn’t you say?

Now, before you click ahead to read more, remember your trigger words, because there’s spoilers under the link. Continue reading →

There Will Be Tears: Liveblogging Project Runway Episode 7!

So here we are. Week seven. Do you care about any of these goblins? Are you rooting for anyone? I’m not, and I don’t. This has been one of the weakest seasons of Project Runway to date, wouldn’t you say? Still, it’s pretty entertaining television, and the judges are a three ring circus unto themselves. Tonight the design goblins will be working in groups again, and that’s always a recipe for friendly cooperation and smiles.

No it’s not, but I don’t really need to explain that to you because you’ve seen it all before, and this season is shuffling along its predetermined path like an obedient automaton in a chiffon robe. The breakdowns are becoming more epic, the bitchery more spectacular. Continue reading →

Project Runway, Episode 6 Liveblog

Welcome back my friends, to another episode of Bunim/Murray Presents; The Real World, Running With Scissors!  So glad you could stop by!  Grab a drink, take a seat and hold on, because there’s really no need for seatbelts, and if you fall off your couch while watching tonight, you’re probably playing one of our classic Project Runway drinking games.  In which case, excellent job, my friend.  We all should aspire to be as committed to our craft.

Continue reading →

Project Runway Season 9: The Devil Wears Nina

So, how many souls have you consumed today?

This, this, this, this, this, this is the search for the next big fashion designer. At least, it’s the fourth episode of this season. Four episodes and we still have no explanation why the judges are in the show opener and not the contestants. As always, there’s spoilers inside, so click at your own risk! Continue reading →

Liveblogging Project Runway Episode Four!

Oh, hello there. It’s me again, your substitute liveblog slunt. Think back to high school when you had that same substitute teacher time after time. The one who had pretty much stopped trying. The one who smelled like vodka and breath mints. The one who basically let you kids do whatever the hell you wanted as long as you didn’t kill one another. Yeah, that’s me, and I’m flexible on the murder thing.

Can you believe we’ve already been watching this shit for a month? I still can’t remember most of the design goblins’ names, but at least we’ve done a pretty thorough job of creating nicknames for them. That makes me feel warm inside, but that could just be the vodka. Continue reading →