Politics

846 posts

Breaking: UN Declares Ban On News Until 2012

No more. No mas. We are full. Stay out news.The UN announced today that due to the massive news surplus in the first seven months of 2011, no more events will be permitted, anywhere in the world, for the rest of the year.

A spokesperson from the UN said today that the General Assembly have voted to ban all newsworthy happenings for the rest of the year; “After the horror of the Japanese tsunami, the roller-coaster ride of the Arab Spring and the global recession and debt crises, we were already emotionally shattered. Now after the shocking events in Norway and the spectre of famine hanging over the Horn of Africa we give up. 2011 is full; there will be no further events until 2012”.

This move was welcomed by journalists all over the globe; Continue reading →

Don’t Make Me Defend Michele Bachmann

Maybe making Crazy Face is a migraine trigger?

Yesterday, we learned at Michele Bachmann suffers from debilitating migraine headaches.  According to people who work for Mitt Romney unnamed sources, Bachmann’s headaches are so severe that she is unable to function during severe migraine attacks and occasionally requires trips to the emergency room.  The disclosure of Bachmann’s condition is a pretty obvious attempt to create concerns about her fitness to assume the presidency.  Can she run the country if she’s curled up in bed, crying into her pillow and clutching a giant bottle of Advil, her silent tears freezing on the three ice packs she has strategically placed on her head and neck?  What if the Soviet Union tries to move nuclear weapons to Cuba and the X-Men are nowhere to be found and President Bachmann is locked in a bomb shelter since it’s the only place she can find where the sun won’t bother her eyes during a particularly bad migraine?  What will happen then??? Continue reading →

The Debt Ceiling Crisis from a Conservative Perspective

Photo Courtesy of Star Tribune

I believe in limited government, more power to the states and more responsibility to the individual.  I’m not a heartless conservative who believes that all federal social programs are ridiculous and unnecessary.  We need that safety net, but I may argue that it is woefully inefficient and could use some tightening up.

I read a December 2009 USA article that really illustrates, to me, that our federal government is growing too large. It makes me concerned that our federal government is bloated and full of waste. Continue reading →

Hostage Crisis: An Update on the US Debt Ceiling Debate

By popular demand, I’m writing another article on the Debt Ceiling Crisis currently facing the United States as we head into the last few critical weeks before default. Please note the change in title from “Hostage Situation” to “Hostage Crisis”. My next entry, depending on the outcome of current negotiations, be “Tango Down: US Debt Ceiling Crisis Averted” or “Grab Your Ankles: US Defaults on National Debt”.

For those that didn’t read my previous article, here’s a quick summary of the situation. Continue reading →

Despite Best Efforts Palin Plays Coy Uselessly

Are we all naive enough to believe that Palin doesn’t think that she’ll be the Republican white night riding in at the last minute to save the day? I think we’re fairly certain that Sarah Palin believes that all these other jokers littering up the field are just there to be her opening act, and that once all the squabbling begins and the race just looks like a bunch of loons held together by Mittens Romneypants and Michele BachmannGooglyEyes (slavery endorser) the Zeus and Hera of all stupid things, this is when she’ll emerge like a Bumpit-haired buzzard dressed in a Starfleet jacket waiting to pick the bones of the GOP carcass. We do think this will happen despite her latest interview in Newsweek magazine don’t we?

Continue reading →

Ultra-Right Nationalist Groups Find Recruits in Serbia’s Frustrated Youth

A decade after the start of the Yugoslavian Civil War, Serbia is still grappling with extreme nationalist groups that advocate violence against their opponents both within Serbia and in neighboring countries. The groups also participate in violent activities and have battled with police during political protests.  This is especially troubling because these groups are not hold-outs from the war in the 1990s, but rather are are increasingly made up of young people who barely remember the conflict. Continue reading →

Michele Bachmann Will Take Your Pornos Away

Michele Bachmann, America’s Greatest President Ever, became the first Republican candidate to sign “The Marriage Vow,” some sort of insane blood-oath sponsored by a group of Iowa corn farming death cultists called FAMiLY Leader.

It seems that they stand for more than just nonsensical capitalization.

Many of the 14 points of the the Marriage Vow are typical inane hillbilly crap about not cheatin’ on yer wife and keepin them queers from marryin’. But a few of them are spectacularly batshit. Continue reading →

Republicans Will Now Pretend to Talk About Revenues

If you’re like me, you may have seen a headline in your news feed Wednesday evening that read something like “Republicans Agree to Revenue Increases.”

Of course, because I’m an optimist, or, maybe, a dummy, I assumed that to mean that the GOP had finally come to their senses and realized that a large majority of Americans support modest tax increases as part of the package to cut the deficit. Again, though, if you’re like me, and thought this might be the case, you’re clearly a sucker.

Continue reading →

Hostage Situation: A Primer on the US Debt Ceiling Crisis

There’s been a lot of talk in the news regarding the current Debt Ceiling negotiations going on, at least here in the United States. I understand that there are a number of people that don’t understand exactly what this is or what it means, so I thought I would explain it.

Like all entities, the United States Government needs money to work. It has to pay people and buy things. Unfortunately, the United States Government usually can’t afford to buy all the things it wants, so it usually must take on some amount of debt. Continue reading →