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I can’t believe we still have to protest this crap

You thought I was done yammering about abortion laws? HA. You are so naïve.

Welcome to Part Two of Chipping Away At Roe, or I Can’t Believe We Still Have To Protest This Crap. Today we’re going to look at a (very) small sampling of state laws and bills relating to abortion and reproductive rights.

We’ll start with my home state, Iowa. According to the Guttmacher Institute, Iowa had 11 abortion providers in 2008 in 9% of Iowa counties. They also have like a million crisis pregnancy centers (CPCs). NOTE: Crisis pregnancy centers do not offer abortion, and in general will try their damnedest to keep you from getting one. A lot of them will also try to give you information that is either debatable or that they’ve just plain made up, like that abortion causes an increase in breast cancer (yes! no! yes! no!), or that Post-Abortion Syndrome exists and is common (Nope. It’s not recognized by the APA or American Psychiatric Association, though emotions after abortion vary widely), or that abortion providers will lie to you to get your money (highly illogical, Captain; they’d make more money off prenatal care). So don’t visit them unless you’re just looking to score some free baby clothes and cookies. If you want information, go to your doctor or Planned Parenthood. You can get free condoms for more baby-free sex, too!

Iowa requires parental/relative consent if a minor wants an abortion, except in a medical emergency or cases of abuse, incest and neglect. Some people may think that it’s only fair to let parents know what their child is up to, especially when it concerns something as serious as abortion. However, forcing children to notify their parents is harmful. It’s my firm belief that parents need to foster an environment where their kids will feel comfortable telling them they are pregnant and what they plan to do about it. If your daughter isn’t coming to you about this, she probably feels she has a good reason, whether she’s afraid you’ll be angry or disappointed or knows she might be kicked out of the house or even killed. Luckily, some states’ Planned Parenthoods offer volunteer attorneys to help with judicial bypass, which allows minors to get an abortion without telling their parents.

Here’s something cool about Iowa, though: we have the first telemedicine program for abortion. That’s right: abortion on demand (in a clinic with a nurse who does all the usual examinations, tests, counseling and ultrasound). This makes it much easier for those harlots to frivolously abort their precious pre-borns whenever they want, as they are wont to do. No, wait, sorry. It makes it easier for women hours away from the nearest abortion provider (quite common in Iowa; shocking, for a state that’s 86% farmland!) to get abortion pills, which induce abortions within the first nine weeks of pregnancy. This means they don’t have to take time off work, arrange transportation, find someone to take care of their kids, explain their absence, and deal with protestors outside the clinic. It’s also much less invasive than surgical abortion and allows women to exert more control over the prodecure. Go Hawks!

Oh, by the way: if you insist on calling fetuses pre-borns so they can have all the rights that born babies have, I’m going to go ahead and call myself a “pre-senior” so I can start getting all those sweet discounts.

OldLadywithCigar — I'm looking forward to it

Some current legislation that sucks:

HJR 3, or House Joint Resolution 3: Man, this right-to-life thing is a pain in the ass. Thanks a lot, Thomas Jefferson! This bill states that personhood begins from the moment of conception. They can’t even wait until the damn thing attaches to the uterine wall. Defining an embryo/fetus as a person is the beginning of giving them rights accorded to people, including the right to life.

But you know, I don’t really care about the whole is-a-fetus-a-human-life or is-a-fetus-a-person argument. Totally played out. Besides, two sets of rights can’t logically exist in one body. Eventually one set of rights will have to trump the other, as in the case of the previously mentioned Angela Carder. Even then, the woman’s rights will need to be prioritized over the fetus’. After all, she’s carrying the damn thing, and has all those pesky responsibilities to her family and career and school and whatnot. The fetus isn’t even autonomous, the lazy bastard. Look at it, just twiddling its little webby thumbs in the amniotic sac, mooching off Mom’s blood.

HF 153: Here’s where the trouble starts with that whole “personhood” thing. This would propose that life and personhood begin at conception, which means NO ABORTIONS, EVER. Well, it doesn’t really say that, in so many words. It says “life is valued and protected from the moment of conception and each life is accorded the same rights and protections guaranteed to all persons.” This is a bit sticky. Obviously, it would ban all abortions, something the state can’t legally do because of Roe v. Wade (though the purpose of the bill is probably to challenge Roe v. Wade anyways).

HORMONES OUTTA CONTROL — If someone takes my birth control pill from me, I will cut a bitch

However, some are concerned that it would also ban certain forms of birth control that prevent a fertilized egg from attaching to the uterine wall. This means contraception that contains progesterone, which prevents the endometrium from thickening enough to support an embryo, could be banned. This includes birth control pills, some IUDs, Implanon (implanted birth control), the patch, Depo-Provera….you get the picture. No hormonal birth control.

Moving on!

I know a lot of you are from New York, so next stop: Big Apple.

New York’s basically the best place to live if you need an abortion. The Guttmacher Institute says there were 249 abortion providers in 61% of counties in 2008. Remember kids: don’t go to crisis pregnancy centers! New York also doesn’t have any of the usual abortion restrictions like waiting periods, parental notification and required ultrasounds (the clinics do ultrasounds in the first place to discover how far along a pregnancy is, so this would be yet another cost added to the bill), and allows Medicaid to pay for abortions.

They have a few bills chilling out in the state assembly (largely pro-choice) right now. They don’t seem to be going anywhere, but here they are. I’m going to go ahead and apologize now for not having many details on the bills I mention here. It’s really f’ing hard to get information unless someone’s kicking up a fuss about them. A couple I found were A02128, which would require parental notice, and we’ve got A02244, or a right to know bill, which looks like it might require clinics to provide women with “full information and reflection time.” (24 hours)

Giving women alternatives to abortion, as well as full information on how the procedure works, what to expect, and how to take care of themselves afterward is important, and most clinics, especially Planned Parenthood, do a pretty good job with it on their own. Regulating abortion, making sure it’s safe, is also crucial. You’ll just have to understand that I’m a bit wary of bills like these when they come from anti-abortion legislators. The issue, then, is that they’re often biased against abortion, which increases the risk of false information being given and puts more pressure on women not to get abortions. Dudes. That decision is hard enough without making her feel like shit about it. And adoption is an alternative to parenthood, not pregnancy, and is therefore not always a valid argument.

The rest of the bills I found were all good stuff, like requiring CPCs to disclose they don’t perform abortions, aren’t medically licensed or a medical facility, and that pregnancy tests can be purchased over the counter and self-administered. Four for you, New York.

Let’s stop briefly in California, home of the courageous Rep. Jackie Speier (D-CA), who spoke of her own 2nd-trimester abortion during the debate on HR 217 to strip Planned Parenthood of funding. The Guttmacher Institute puts the number of abortion providers at 522 in 78% of counties in 2008. They, like New York, don’t have any of the usual restrictions, and 2nd-trimester abortions are legal. I couldn’t find any current bills pertaining to abortion, so we’ll move on.

island-of-the-dolls-5 — I imagine it's something like Mexico's Island of the Dolls, but less creepy

I hear a few of you are from Illinois, mostly hailing from The Only Part of Illinois That Matters. Illinois is also known as “an island of abortion in the Midwest.” Abortion Island has 37 abortion providers that practice in only 8% of Abortion Island counties, which seems a bit sparse, considering its nickname. It’s also got some anti-choice language in the state code that declares Illinois’ commitment to protecting the unborn and that, should Roe v. Wade be reversed, they will reinstate the abortion ban, with exceptions for the health of the woman. Illinois also doesn’t have most of the common restrictions, though the fight for parental notice has been going on since the Parental Notice of Abortion Act of 1995 was enacted, then put under permanent injunction, which is now being appealed. Whoof.

So, you’ve made it this far, have you? Good on you. The last state I’ll go into detail about is Arizona. Arizona legislature is pretty much completely anti-choice; the House, Senate and Governor Jan Brewer all support anti-abortion laws. In 2008, there were 19 abortion providers in 13% of Arizona counties. Restrictions include parental consent, not just notification, as well as counseling designed to discourage her from having an abortion, and a 24-hour wait. There are a couple of bills getting some press right now. HB 2443 (sorry about the blinding text color) would charge those who perform abortions knowing they are based on sex- or race-selection with a Class 3 felony. Oh, Arizona! It’s a little late to convince people you care about racism. There hasn’t really been any evidence that race-selection is the cause of some abortions, and most abortions happen before the sex is able to be most accurately determined, which is around the end of the first trimester. These bills aren’t about protecting disenfranchised fetuses, but creating more obstacles to abortion.

The other bill (it really needs to be easier to find bill names) would require that clinics that provide medication abortions be under the same state regulations regarding staffing and facilities of clinics that provide surgical abortions. This would also apply to satellite clinics that provide telemed abortions, which would be banned. Since only 13% of Arizona counties have abortion providers, this makes it much harder for women outside of those counties to get an abortion.

To wrap up, a quick word on trigger laws. Trigger laws are laws that, while currently unenforceable, would be automatically enforceable should other legislation change. Many states have trigger laws pertaining to abortion in case Roe v. Wade was someday overturned. Louisiana’s former governor Kathleen Babineaux Blanco signed a trigger law in 2006 permitting abortion only when a woman’s life was threatened by pregnancy, and Mississippi’s governor Haley Barbour signed a similar one in 2007.

I wish I could go into greater detail, but we’d be here all week. I’m linking to some helpful sites at the end of this post. The Guttmacher Institute is a great resource for information on state laws and abortion in general. I got a lot of my information from the Media Center and State Center on their website.

Guttmacher Institute

FindLaw State Abortion Laws

Planned Parenthood (in case you don’t like the Googles)

Back to the federal level: Here are the ten Democrats who sponsored HR 3, which codifies the Hyde Amendment. They are, uh, not favorable reviews.

I didn’t add this at the end of my last post, but I should have. Guys, the reason I’m writing about this stuff isn’t just to work up some righteous outrage on your end. There’s enough of that out there already. I’m writing about this as a call to action. Look up your state’s legislation. They should have bills listed on their website, as well as your representatives’ information. Find out what’s going on in your state, and start calling people. Email, if you can’t call. Organize protests. Do something to remind your representatives who they work for.

Sugar Glider Bee — If you do, there's a sugar glider bee in it for ya.

Life, Death and Violence: A Study of February 23

Today on Life, Death and Violence: Men! And the manliest man thing of all? Sports! Yes, little birds, today we’re covering sports history. Throw that baseball into the endzone and make sure you don’t go offsides so you can get that service ace! Touchdown! These are sports things, right? Our sports memory has been hazy ever since that time in the fourth grade when our father made us go to Little League practice and we told him we didn’t want to do it anymore, but we went and got hit in the eye. We had to get stitches and then perform as Young Cain in Children of Eden that very night. Sports! The glory of victory and the suffering of defeat or something like that. Come running with us and Joseph as we explore this mystical world.

LIFE! (Ten hut, hike, yooouuu’rrreee OUT!)

1970: Niecy Nash: Gold Medalist in the 2008 Olympic Sport of Cleaning and Negotiation (it wasn’t an aired event. NBC evidently didn’t think that it was worth their airtime), Niecy Nash knows how to werk it and get what she wants for the people she’s helping. She also looks fantastic with her signature flower. Unfortunately for the sport of Cleaning and Negotiations, Ms. Nash retired in 2010 and has since disappeared from the highly televised sport, except, of course, on Style Classic, which showcases her stunning feats and most amazing victories. Ms. Nash supplemented her income as a Cleaning and Negotiations champion by being a police officer in the city of Reno, Nevada from 2003-2009.
One possible theory for her tragic and early departure from Cleaning and Negotiations is that Ms. Nash became so emotionally shattered after only managing 5th place in the 2010 edition of Dancing With the Stars, a ballroom dancing competition and a sport that she so heavily wanted to succeed in. We eagerly await the return of Ms. Nash to our airwaves in the sport of her choosing, but until then, we can only watch her victories.

1983: Mirco Bergamasco: We guess he plays rugby and we’re not really sure how that’s played, but we eagerly look forward to learning if it’s solely played by guys like the Italian Bergamasco.

1994: Dakota Fanning: Ms. Fanning, seen just prior to her 2004 Gold Medal at the Athens Olympics in Adorability (another unaired sport), also scored a silver in the 2008 Beijing Olympics after a narrow, crushing defeat to a little Chinese girl.
Next year’s London Olympics are set to be her last as by the time 2016 rolls bye, she’ll be 22 and aged out of the event.
Dakota, on the side, films many movies and is considered a Respected Female Starlet, though many are eagerly waiting for when she finally Lohans, but we don’t think that’ll happen. Dakota seems like a nice girl even if we’ve never seen any of her work, including the seminal 2003 film, Uptown Girls which co-starred now-deceased actress Brittany Murphy whom we just loved in Clueless.

DEATH! (We almost died playing Muggle Quidditch once. No, really*)

1961: Davey Crockett: Davey played for the Detroit Tigers (put yo hands up for Detroit!) during their 1901 season and has his name carved into some stone at Comerica Park, but we haven’t seen it, mainly because we’re too busy looking at bronze sculptures of real players like Ty Cobb and Al Kaline. He did not wear a coonskin cap and that photo is not of him as we could not locate a photo of Davey Crockett the Baseball Player. Instead, we present to you, our dear readers, the above photo of former Pittsburgh Pirate Dale Long looking mighty fine while eating a sandwich.

2000: Sir Stanley Matthews: Sir Stanley ate no meat. Sir Stanley drank no booze. Sir Stanley was boring, but he did play soccer, or, as you European pansies call it, football, and is considered to be one of the best players that the English have ever produced.
He has a stupid nickname: “The Wizard of the Dribble.” That’s really stupid. Also, he played for Stoke City and Blackpool, whatever that means and was also an inaugural inductee into the English Footballers Hall of Fame in 2002. Too bad he died before the ceremony. We don’t really get soccer. It’s just a lot of passing and the field seems way to big. Give us hockey any day.
He retired when he was 70 and was able to play at the top level until he was 50, which we guess is pretty impressive given the average lifespan of a sports person’s career. Maybe it has something to do with all the not-drinking and the not-eating meat. We don’t believe that. Then again, we aren’t star ‘footballers.’

2008: Paul Frere: Italians drive fast and make lots of left turns like nobody else. VROOM! He also wrote about racing.

VIOLENCE! (War is a sport that some nations are good at and some nations are bad at, just like real sports)

1836: Shoot em up! BANG! BANG! ZOOM! The Battle of the Alamo began and, by the end, Davy Crockett ~~the Baseball Player~~ the Folk Hero would be dead.
1847: Yesterday’s Battle of Buena Vista continued!
1941: Glenn Seaborg creates and isolates plutonium paving the way for nuclear weapons.
1997: Fire on Mir! ABORT ABORT!

OTHER NEAT THINGS THAT HAPPENED TODAY (We’re good at bowling, but is bowling a sport?)

632: The Prophet Mohammed retires from the sport of Public Speaking.
1903: Cuba leased Guantanamo Bay to the Americans forever, one of the worst plays in the history of the sport of Foreign Affairs, at least from the Cuban perspective.
1954: The Sport of Hunting Diseases begins a major match as man starts to inject kids with anti-polio vaccines.
2005: The French pass a law requiring teacher’s to speak positively about colonialism. The law is repealed the next year. The Sport of Colonialism is dead! Long live Colonialism!

Now if you’ll excuse us, friends, we’re going to learn how to play rugby while practicing our favorite sport: Drinking.

*This did not happen.

Boom Bye Bye: Buju guilty!

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Boh! Buju Banton: Dancehall artist/Hip hop collaborator/Batty mon killer/cocaine trafficer was convicted in Florida (Babylon) for conspiracy to traffic cocaine. It kinda dispells the whole Rasta image to get convicted of trying to buy 11 pounds of coke. What? You’re going to tell me that he eats meat and sugar and doesn’t just eat bannanas and yams? Buju’s gawn have to man up in prison, lest the battys get to him.

Here’s some vids: I didn’t embed them because it slows crasstalk.com down like crazy. Hah, what am I kidding, no one reads the articles!

Boom Bye Bye

I don\’t know why – Wayne Wonder & Buju

Damian & Ziggy & Buju – I know you don\’t care

Donald Rumsfeld, World’s Greatest Boss

40 comments

Check out this actual 2003 memo from Donald Rumsfeld to Doug Feith:

I think my personal favorite line is about how Syria and Libya will “mess up” Iraq. Ha! We’ve got that covered! Fuck off, Al Assad and Qaddafi!

Anyway, here’s some other completely un-fixable shit Rumsfeld thought Feith should’ve been able to take care of sooner:

Can we please get a handle on these fucking iTunes updates?
When the hell is “Chinese Democracy” coming out?
We need to solve the “hos before bros” problem.
Magnets, how do they work?
The Gawker Redesign does not seem to be going well.

Feel fee to suggest your own.

Crasstalk Evening News Round Up

69 comments

This news post was compiled by AssembledWrong, ihatediamonds, BBQ CornNuts, KwisatzHaderach, and The Grand Inquisitor. Please give some love to the News Team.

It’s been a busy day, but here are a few of the top stories:

Powerful Earthquake Hits New Zealand

A 6.3 magnitude earthquake rocked New Zealand’s second largest city, Christchuch, yesterday with 65 people confirmed dead and at least a 100 still missing, possibly buried in the rubble. The earthquake is thought to be an aftershock from a 7.1 magnitude earthquake in the region that occurred in September. Residents, however, feel that yesterday’s quake was much more violent though it was shorter in duration and lower in magnitude than September’s.

People stood in awe as the city’s most iconic piece of architecture, the spire of the Christchurch Cathedral, crumbled. Speaking to the New York Times, one unnamed witness declared it “the most frightening thing of my entire life,” and after declaring a state of emergency, Mayor Bob Parker stated “I think we need to prepare ourselves in this city for a death toll that could be significant… It’s not going to be good news, and we need to steel ourselves to understand that.” Christchurch Airport is scheduled to reopen Wednesday morning for domestic flights only. Meanwhile, hundreds of displaced residents have moved into temporary shelters and the city has organized a number of makeshift triage centers in order to care for injured citizens.

Prime Minister John Key has already declared the earthquake “New Zealand’s darkest day” and “one of the worst natural disasters” on record for the island nation.

Violence Continues in Libya

Mummar Gaddafi continues to defy calls from the international community to step down. The country-wide rebellion continues to be met with violence from the Libyan security forces and mercenaries according to eyewitness refugees in Egypt. Gaddafi has stated, that the only way he is leaving office is in a body bag. “I am not going to leave this land, I will die here as a martyr.” said Gaddafi on Libyan State Television.

Human Rights Watch reported that an additional 62 people have died in Tripoli in the last two days bringing the total dead, in Tripoli alone, to 295 after Libyan security forces responded with tanks and war planes in a failed attempt to quell the protests. Reportedly, the protesters have seized control of the eastern region of the country. But with no end to the fighting in sight, many Libyans are fleeing to nearby slightly-less tumultuous Egypt to escape the violence.

The violence is beginning to have a noticeable effect on oil prices as companies like Shell are forced to suspend operations in the country. Italy also faces a gas shortfall; the supply from Libya is reportedly slowing or interrupted as the revolution drags on in the face of Gaddafi’s obstinacy. Today the U.N. Security Council is meeting in private to discuss the situation and the U.N. High Commissioner for Refugees is urging all nearby nations to accept Libyans displaced by the violence. While most of the world has demanded an end to the violence; perhaps the most succinct call came from Germany’s Foreign Minister Guido Westerwelle, “A ruling family, threatening its people with civil war, has reached the end of the line.”

Americans Killed by Somali Pirates

Four Americans onboard a hijacked yacht were killed this morning by Somali pirates. Jean and Scott Adam of Marina del Ray, California and Phyllis Macay and Robert Riggle, of Seattle were captured Friday on the yacht owned by the Adams’. Military personnel had been in hostage negotiations when pirates fired a rocket-propelled grenade at the USS Sterett. The grenade missed and shots were then heard on the yacht at about 1 am EST. Military personnel boarded the yacht and attempted to revive the victims.

There was a brief gun battle as US military took possession of the boat, leaving 2 pirates dead. The 13 remaining pirates were taken into custody. The remains of 2 additional pirates were found on board. Authorities believe the pirates were attempting to get the vessel and hostages to Somalia. The Adams, Macay and Riggle had been traveling with yachts participating in the Blue Water Rally since their departure from Phuket, Thailand. Rally organizers said the Quest elected to take a different route after leaving Mumbai, India on February 15th. Authorities believe the 19 pirates came aboard the Quest after traveling on a “mother ship” which has been a recent trend in hijackings. As of February 15, pirates were holding 33 vessels and 712 hostages, according to the International Maritime Bureau.

Protest Continue over Unions in Wisconsin

As Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker’s show down with public service unions ends its second week, the AFL-CIO has released a polls showing support for Wisconsin’s unions. The poll shows Walker’s popularity and job rating both have down-ticks one week after he announced his “Budget Repair Bill.” Additionally, approval ratings for Wisconsin State Democrats have gone up. However a Rasmussen poll shows support for the Governor’s bill. Walker still refuses to negotiate.

The bill also contains provisions that would create cuts in the state Medicare system. While the governor has said that these cuts are necessary as an emergency measure to offset state budget windfalls, Forbes is reporting that national money is coming in to support the bill via the Koch brothers. Protests have spread into Ohio and Indiana this week in what looks to be a national show down over collective bargaining rights bu public employees.

Notes from an angry teacher – Part II

110 comments

For those of you who read my last column, I apologize for any confusion. I don’t call my students whales and I’m not happy that they get deported. I was trying to come across bitter. Those of you who know my commenting style are aware that I have a twisted sense of humor. That sense of humor sometimes helps me get through the chaos I encounter at work. To be honest, the kid who was deported hurt because I worked with him for several weeks after our incident, trying to connect with him and had people from various culinary arts schools in the area come in and talk to him because he was interested in cooking.

I will try to write from now on with a little more of that honesty rather than the portrayal of a bitter teacher. I still pray for the future of this country based on my experiences. And I’m not a religious person. I teach high school English.

– Often teachers come across students who lie to them to get out of work. It happens frequently and usually I’m able to dismantle excuses. However, it’s hard to teach classes that include writing elements, when students can’t read cursive. I found this out last fall, when I handed out sample short answer essay examples to my students and they couldn’t read them. They were written examples of how to respond to question prompts from students who took our state accountability tests from previous years. As I was handing these out, students began to look at me in confusion, until one girl raised her hand and said, “I can’t read this. It’s in cursive. I have no clue what it says.” The cursive was very legible. My response to her and to 75% of my other students who similarly couldn’t read it: “It’s in English, try to guess, and I’ll help if you have any questions.” When students have any sort of excuse not to do work, they will do NOTHING and later complain to someone that the assignment was unfair.

I graded their assignment that day and talked to a number of other teachers who said I should’ve know better than to give those examples in cursive, because they don’t teach those skills anymore at the elementary level. I was later told by an assistant principal that all assignments and directions written on the board should be in general text and I had to remove the grades from my gradebook for the assignment. I understand that the students can’t read cursive and we’ve failed them as far as educating them in it, but to me, it’s not an excuse for not doing work or an alternative assignment. Of course, when parents complain to dickless administrators, the teachers get thrown under the bus. And the students win.

– The cursive thing shocked me, but something that has also been shocking is the number of students who can’t read or decipher clocks. We have old-fashioned clocks in our classrooms, with SECOND HANDS and everything, and a good chunk of my kids don’t understand how to tell time using them. Often, when students fill out bathroom or library passes and they have no idea what the clock is reading, so they have to ask me. It’s sad. I’d say about 1/3rd of my students have no idea how to use basic clocks.

– One of the fun things about being a teacher is professional development days, when you get to work with the other teachers and sit through workshops. It’s always fun because you get to talk with people you often don’t get to speak to. For the most part, the workshops are huge wastes of time and often there is an elephant in the room. The elephants are the administrators (superintendents, principals, assistant principals) who cannot control a room full of teachers to give their presentations and lectures. And it’s funny to the teachers, because we are always asked everyday and critiqued by these people based on how well we can control 35 teenagers for an hour.

A few weeks ago, during one of our meetings, an assistant principal started screaming at us for being too loud following her lecture. She actually stopped us and said “Okay, it looks like I won’t be giving out any more information because you guys aren’t mature enough to handle it.” It was awesome!!!!

I will try to write columns weekly as an outlet for some of the madness. I have so many student stories, some of them are very unsettling. I’m considering leaving teaching this year because of the stress and issues our state is facing with funding and the uncertainty that comes with it. Everyday I feel like I’m making a difference, but it’s a huge fight with students, parents, and administrators.

Lara Logan and the Media Ouroboros

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I like to imagine Nir Rosen as he typed those fateful tweets last week, smugly pleased at his cynical prediction of the media response to Lara Logan’s assault, yet completely oblivious to the response his own comments would draw – a response that was all too predictable to the chorus of Twitter followers who immediately snapped screenshots. Sophocles himself could not have written a better scene. Not only was Rosen brought down by his own hubris, but his remarks in fact served to catalyze the very attention he was railing against. For as we’ve learned repeatedly in recent years, if there’s one thing that gets more media focus than an awful event, it’s the controversial and insensitive statements that various media figures will inevitably make about it.

Consider the Arizona shooting. Certainly it made sense, in the wake of a bitter and divisive campaign season, to question whether violent rhetoric by politicians and commentators could inspire violent acts. Then, before we knew it, we were somehow talking about whether Sarah Palin had said something anti-Semitic and whether the ADL’s response to the inappropriate choice of words in her response to the liberal media’s response to the shooting should have been more strongly worded. It’s like if David Foster Wallace had been a writer for National Enquirer.

This cycle becomes particularly predictable in cases dealing with race, religion, gender, or sexual assault. Thus, when the Lara Logan story broke, all the stock characters came out of the woodwork. There were the political hacks who can never pass up an opportunity to complain about the attention received by white victims of assault, as if doing so somehow helps minority victims. There were, as always, the delightful internet commenters who were quick to blame Islam (a strange thing to say, considering nearly 20% of the Egyptian population is Christian) or to ‘compliment’ the victim’s appearance in less than ideal ways.

And there were the almost-as-delightful internet crusaders who jumped on comments like “CBS should have provided better security” with cries of “Victim-blamer!” In the near future, someone will create a script that will generate these entire conversations for us, leaving us all with more time to tend to our virtual crops. Until then, despite what some may say, we will continue to air our invaluable opinions. That empty comment box isn’t going to fill itself.

This brings us back to Mr. Rosen. What makes his meltdown somewhat novel is that he was neither remarking directly on what happened nor on what others had said about it but merely on what he thought they would say. The process is now so familiar that reporting on it before it happens is only the next logical step. But this phenomenon is not limited to talking heads. Take the mini-uproar over the choice of photo in a recent Gawker article, where commenters complained that the picture of Logan in a somewhat flattering dress inappropriately sexualized her and would invite comments to the effect that she deserved it. Whether or not such concern was warranted, expressing it did in fact steer the conversation towards a discussion of her sexuality. And just as some media outlets report every single thing Sarah Palin says and some people follow Jersey Shore under the reasoning that ‘this is what everyone else is going to be talking about’, justifying one’s own reaction or opinion by attributing it to hypothetical future others creates the very situation it claims to anticipate.

In The Precession of Simulacra, Jean Baudrillard described the four successive stages of the image as representation: reflecting a basic reality, perverting a basic reality, masking the absence of a basic reality, and finally bearing no relation to any reality, existing as its own simulacrum and representing nothing but itself. Our media culture has long passed the fourth stage (though it still engages in the second from time to time). But somewhere behind the map, one can still occasionally make out the territory – a real territory where people die, dictators fall, and female journalists face dangers that most of us are only now beginning to imagine.

lara logan

Scott Walker’s Draconian Labor Proposals are Wisconsin’s Newest Export

51 comments

College dropout and Race to the Bottom cheerleader Scotty Walker is soon to have a brother in arms. In Ohio, former Fox News host and former Lehman Brothers executive-turned-governor John Kasich and the GOP majority are on track to pass a distinctly similar bill to the one on the table in Wisconsin.

Much like Walker’s bill, the Ohio proposal would strip public employees in Ohio of the right to collectively bargain for pay and benefits. This would be on top of the concessions that have already been requested (and mostly agreed to), and further, limit the effects of binding arbitration.

And, much like Wisconsin, public sector employees in Ohio are filling buses and making their way to Columbus in volumes generally reserved for Ohio State-Michigan football games.

Within the state, the familiar battle lines are being drawn, while eyes focus on Wisconsin. The assumption is that if Wisconsin caves to the demands of Koch-driven politics, that Ohio will be the next domino to fall, right on the backs of what remains of the middle class.

It seems almost sure to happen, eventually, though. Kasich isn’t the type to let up. He has his mandate, (and no, I’m not talking about the glorious 49% of the vote he received last November) and seems determined to deliver it to us: You will fight for scraps, and be grateful for the opportunity to do so.

Sadly, there is support for this, which, if you listen to a lot of the folks online and in the papers, seems counterintuitive. The argument I witness most frequently is that if the private sector isn’t ‘able’ to give employees benefits like those currently enjoyed in segments of the public sector, then the public sector employees shouldn’t be entitled to the benefits that they’ve currently bargained for. This, I have a problem understanding. The fact that the private sector has slowly and steadily taken things away from the middle class means that we should screw what’s left of it over? Seems like we’re picking the wrong scapegoat.

So, we’ll likely see a repeat of what’s happening in Wisconsin here in Ohio. Thousands of public sector employees, with organizational help from the unions, will make their way to the state capitol to voice their discontent. Some Koch brothers’ funded group with a happy-sounding name will bus in a few hundred Medicare recipients (some from out of state, I’m sure) who are too stupid to realize that they’re spitting in the wind, and have them counter protest.

In the end, the Republicans will have the votes they need to pass these bills, and we can get to partying like it’s 1929.

Life, Death and Violence: A Study of February 22

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There was a murder last night at the Boddy Mansion and we’ve been hired to find out whodunit. Happy Tuesday, little birds! Let’s talk about things that are gruesome, gross and sticky. Now you, get your mind out of the gutter, we’re not talking about that bodily fluid, we’re talking about the other gooey one: Blood.

Today on Life, Death and Violence: Victims and Survivors. Sit down and relax. This is going to hurt us a lot more than it’s going to hurt you. Are you nervous? You shouldn’t be as long as you have nothing to hide.

LIFE! (LeZig in the Open Thread, with Mark Ruffalo’s Espresso Eyes?)

1440: Ladislaus the Posthumous: This man was murdered, by his enemies, with the poison, in Bohemia. Ladislaus was 17 when he died and became King of Hungary and Croatia shortly after he was born. He was crowned King of ~~Bushwick~~ Bohemia when he was thirteen and looks to us like a pretty weak-kneed individual, so it’s no surprise to us that he was offed, especially when one takes into account the incredible amount of regicide that occurred during that period in history. Oh, wait, upon further reading of our good friend Wikipedia, it seems that he died from leukemia, which wasn’t a known illness at the time. NERDS! We wanted him to be poisoned so bad so that it would fit into today’s theme. Instead, the murderer turned out to be God, in the bedroom, with the terminal illness. We were never all that great at Clue, but we always did have a bit of a crush on Professor Plum.
Anyways, at the risk of editorializing, we think his political policies in regards to the Turks were kind of dickish, but his wife? Total babe. What they say is true: Women ~~and attractive history columnists~~ love bad boys who treat them like crap.

1940: Robert Wadlow: Carol the Pilot, in the stratosphere, with the airplane, after initiating Sky Law.
1969: Clarence 13X: Colonel Mustard, in Harlem, with the Revolver. Clarence 13x was a member of the Nation of Islam, until, of course, he made the rookie mistake of criticizing the teachings of Dear Leader. He was named 13x because he was the 13th Clarence to join Temple Number 7 where yesterday’s death Malcolm X: Ray-Ban® Clubmaster™ Spokesman was a minister.
Anyways, after being excommunicated (we only thought the Catholics did that and are still confused as to why we haven’t received that letter yet from Benny and the Cardinals) he founded a new cult: Nations of God and Earth wherein the followers were required to refer to him as either Allah or Father. Ego much? Well, he did believe that anyone could become God by living a life of righteousness, but we’re still going to, again, at the risk of editorializing, claim that the man was indeed, an egomaniac. He was arrested in 65 for marijuana possession and assault amongst other charges and sent to Bellevue Hospital for psychiatric care where it was discovered that he believed white people were the devil incarnate (well, we are quite seductive with our curly red hair) and that he was schizophrenic. He was shot.

1975: Drew Barrymore: What’s this? A survivor! Gee, whiz! We (and by we, we mean all you old people over 40) watched her grow up, go to rehab, go to rehab again and become the stunning comic actress/director we all know and love today. You go, girl! Happy 36!

DEATH! (92BuickLeSabre, in Photo Phriday with the axe he stores in his trunk?)

The following people may or may not have been murderers, but we have reason to suspect that they were, at the very least, party to an untimely death. The suspects:

1680: La Voisin: J’accuse! La Voisin was a sorceress, a witch, a potion master, and a fortune teller who talked her way into high French society to become one of the Prominent French People who are considered The Most Important People in the World and how does she thank them? How does she thank them? By (allegedly) poisoning the king’s sister-in-law, the Duchess d’Orleans! J’accuse Voisin!
J’accuse! Her partner wasn’t even her husband, it was her lover, magician and practitioner of black arts, Lesage! J’accuse Voisin! Whore!
Thank god the French did, at the risk of editorializing, the right thing for once. Voisin was convicted of witchcraft and burned at the stake for all to see.
The Duchess actually died of gastroenteritis. La Voisin was probably innocent of any wrongdoing.

1987: Andrew Warhola: Prominent ad-man and homosexual, Andrew Warhola, better known by his stage name “Andy Warhol” was a murderer. His victim? Art. Oh, yeah, Edie Sedgwick, too. This ‘artist’ claimed that everyone in the future would get ‘fifteen minutes of fame’ but have we gotten that yet? No! (oh, wait, we’ve been in print and on television). WHATEVER ANDY. YOU SUCK. We actually love Andy because he’s kind of amazing, but, seriously, the man killed art* by making it ‘cool’ and ‘marketable’ kind of like that blue duck in that short-lived, but amazing (is there anything short-lived that isn’t amazing) animated version of the comic strip Dilbert.
Andy was also responsible for making a lot of people’s careers and dreams come true, notably The Velvet Underground, but everyone did drugs and had a lot of sex and so there was a decent amount of overdoses (Hi Edie!). Andy didn’t do a lot with all the sex since he didn’t like to be touched. Who doesn’t like to be touched? That’s, at the risk of editorializing, some major fucked up shit. He painted soup cans and had other people silkscreen images of Marilyn Monroe. Naturally, we shun any post ’68 work. Here he is eating a hamburger in has later years. Naturally, we shun this.

2002: Chuck Jones. His crime? Continued attempted murder upon a beloved hare under the guise of Elmer Fudd. J’ACCUSE!

VIOLENCE! (Your intrepid reporter, at the Jackie O. Reservoir, with the sleeping pills?)

1797: “Last Invasion of Britain:” You’re kidding, right?
1847: Battle of Buena Vista: 5,000 Disney Imagineers fought off 15,000 Mexican troops to win this key battle in the Mexican-American War led by General Zach Taylor who would later become President of These United States. Fuck yeah, America!
1943: Remember that group of anti-Nazi protesters whose members were arrested last week, The White Rose? Yeah, they were executed.

OTHER NEAT THINGS THAT HAPPENED TODAY (Wait, wait, the clues are finally coming together, we’ve almost figured it out)

1856: The Republican Party has its first meeting, surely to discuss how to, at the risk of editorializing, get away with war crimes and shaft the American people.
1862: Some hick named Jefferson Davis is inaugurated as the first President of the Confederate States of America. We bet he doesn’t last 40 months.
1872: Prohibition Party has its first meeting. Jesus, guys, Al Capone existed because of you people. That’s blood on your hands just because you don’t like loose ~~columnists~~ women drinking their Canadian Club.
1983: Moose Murders opens, closes on the same night, setting a standard for failure on Broadway.

That’s it, friends. We’ve examined the clues and unlocked the puzzle box. You’re all innocent. Mr. Boddy’s murderer was, in fact, without a doubt, Joseph Gordon Levitt, in the boudoir, with the blindfold. He strangled Mr. Boddy and then he strangled Claudia Schiffer. Still hot, though. Until next time!

*We don’t really believe this.

The Day in Demonstrations: Libyan War Machines

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The dawning of a new week sees Muammar el-Gaddafi double down on his commitment to murdering his own citizens.

Government buildings continued to burn Monday in the Libyan capital, Tripoli, following “major” riots overnight. Libya’s response has been to unleash their war machines as helicopters and warplanes besieged parts of the city and fired on protesters. Other witness reports are claiming bands of Miltiamen, many of whom sound like our African mercenariness we heard about yesterday, are tooling around the city in pickups shooting at groups of protesters. Tripoli seems to be in complete chaos right now; security forces have retreated to defensive positions inside government buildings, there are many fires burning in the street and there are shortages of bread and gas. Rebels ( I guess you graduate from protester to rebel after you seize control of a city) in Benghazi, the second-largest city, maintained their control over the area and have issued a list of demands calling for a secular interim government led by the army in cooperation with a council of Libyan tribes [NYT].

The rioting and clashing with security forces going on in Tripoli sprung up rather suddenly and seems to have been inspired by Gaddafi’s son’s television address last night. Here’s some video of the speech via Al-Jazeera:

He seems to take after his father when it comes to speeches; most people are agreeing that the speech was rambling, incoherent and offered little admission of guilt or compromise.

And where is Gaddafi Sr. amongst all this? Apparently he might be in Venezuela [Guardian].

The death toll may be as high as 400 now, according to statements made by Libyan rights groups. This is being decribed as the bloodiest crack-down in the history Gaddafi’s rule and his regime seems to be genuinely on the brink of collapse now; the demonstrators seem very determined now. However, with Libyan authorities framing the state violence as routing out “terrorist nests” it would seem that Gaddafi is prepared for a long and protracted armed conflict. Many people within the government are resigning with at least seven international ambassadors leaving their posts, including the ambassador to the US [Guardian].

Elsewhere, five people perished in a building that was set alight during riots in Morocco [VOA]; demonstrators continue to occupy Pearl Square, their numbers being bolstered by the thousands since Saturday. Some other Arab kingdoms convened talks with Bahraini rulers to pressure them to get a lid on this thing before it spreads to their own kingdoms [Canadian Press]; tens of thousands of anti-government protesters continue to march in Yemen, demanding the resignation of their president, whom has vowed to resist an ousting:

[MSNBC]