Let’s face it, it’s been bad between us for a long time. I’m a bit long in the tooth now, and I know how you feel about that. I’m no longer snowed by your tales of MPDGs; with you smitten and me wondering how I could eliminate my need for gainful employment just so I could be worthy of your adoration. I cringed through your seemingly endless stream of Blow-‘Em-Up violent fantasies; fantasies that you’re still cranking out despite the fact that these same action stars are in their mid-60s. I was always amused by the suspension of disbelief required to watch downtown Los Angeles transformed into a war zone by a single rogue cop, while you were still opining that a female buddy comedy “wouldn’t be realistic”.
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Alternative Views presents, Throwback Thursday. These reviews will feature a favorite film, suitable for multiple viewings through the years. Today’s recommendation is:
Smoke Signals (1998) Adam Beach, Evan Adams, Irene Beddard Continue reading
Reveal that it’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever witnessed.
When you think about how your Congressperson’s office is decorated, if you think about it at all, don’t you kind of think there would be a lot of brass and flag centering, perhaps a few busts of the American Eagle or Ronald Reagan? Perhaps a candy dish with the Constitution emblazoned on it, or a letter opener made of steel and fired from George Washington’s very own musket metal? How about Downton Abbey? Do you think there should be inspiration from Downton Abbey? And by inspiration we mean down to the color of the walls and a chandelier? Well, Illinois Congressman Aaron Schock has done exactly that, but he doesn’t want you to know about it. Continue reading
Welcome to Alternative Views. In keeping with my semi-resolution to watch scripted content only if the story was about women, LBGT persons and/or persons of color, I began with this little critically-savaged gem.
How savaged was it? Rex Reed called this “a hapless load of bunk” whose creators could “only be described as delusional.” Since “they think they have made an actual movie, when nothing in it qualifies.” Reed sounds bitchier than usual, but that tone was actually matched by several other critics.
Don’t believe them. This film is FUN as hell. Continue reading
The 2016 presidential race has claimed it’s first casualty (if you don’t count Paul Ryan, which, of course, I’m not). Willard Jackassticus Lannister Romney, Lord of the Robo-men and professional collector of electoral defeats, erstwhile Lord Protector of the Olympics and governor of a state he will not name, has decided not to compete for Nixon Crown of Double Nomination and seek the 2016 GOP nomination.
On Friday, Romney emerged from the Hall of Audiences in Castle Romney, his mountain fastness hewn from the very living rock high in the Utah Alps. Surrounded by House Romney retainers, with a light snow dusting their aluminum battle armor, Romney addressed a small surprised crowd of freshman journalism majors from Utah Alps Community College who were there filming a documentary no one would watch for a class they all bitterly regretted taking. He mounted the rostrum where the father of his organic components, George Romney, had once announced that he would challenge thrice-damned dark mage Richard Nixon for the 1968 GOP nomination. “My friends!” he shouted, though truthfully, no one there was his friend. “I shall not be your president!” he cried, as though everyone had not already known this for several years. Continue reading
Sure, the corpses of the fallen in the 2014 election are scarce cold in their political graves, but hey, the Iowa caucuses are a mere 53 weeks away. 2016 is coming! On the Democratic side, it’s still not clear which obscure weirdo Hillary Clinton will blow her prohibitive lead to, but the Republican side is shaping up to be quite the busy clown orgy. Let’s gaze in dismay at this gabbling horror of potential GOP 2016 candidates! Continue reading
SNOW!!!!!!! Continue reading
President Obama gives his second-to-last State of the Union at 9PM EST tonight.
Expedia, everyone’s favorite booking hospice for the travel disabled, has decided that you people are annoying travelers. Well, not all of you people, just some of you who were obviously raised in a barn, or were treated like super special cronuts of light and joy. Yes, you led Expedia to commission research to find out which of you is the worst kind of flier out there. Find out if you’re on the list. Continue reading
Cop blanche
/käp blänSH/
noun
1. Complete freedom of police officers to do as they wish against the people, even committing crimes or violating their constitutional and legal rights, without repercussion.
The last two weeks have seen a pair of high profile grand juries fail to return indictments on police officers that utilized lethal force on unarmed suspects. In the 1987 novel Bonfire Of The Vanities, author Tom Wolfe quotes New York State chief judge Sol Wachtler, saying “a grand jury would indict a ham sandwich, if that’s what you wanted.” Continue reading