Culture and Arts

526 posts

Friday Night Lights Wasn’t a Hit, You Can Still Watch

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Last week, the 5th and final season of the critically acclaimed drama Friday Night Lights came to a beautiful conclusion. Many of the storylines were wrapped up, important characters got their send-offs. But the particulars are not important and considering how small the audience is it would be pointless to even talk about it. What I want to explore is how can a show that combines America’s number one obsession with well-done family drama fail so miserably to find an audience? Why did a show that preached family values more than any program on CBS miss with Middle America?

Friday Night Lights was always plagued with low ratings. It never garnered more than 8 million viewers in its first season and was constantly shuffled around by NBC before finally landing, ironically, in the Friday Night Death Slot.

This was not even a case of NBC messing shit up as they have been known to do. The show was aggressively promoted online, given a cushy timeslot and a full 22 episode run to no avail.

Somehow, a TV show with a ludicrous assortment of attractive people (seriously, just stare at Taylor Kitsch for 10 seconds and see if your special parts don’t tingle) about high school football had failed to connect with anyone that would seemingly love it. The people who loved football couldn’t buy into the ridiculous game sequences (after 5 seasons I’ve lost count as to how many times a game has ended on a 50 yard Hail Mary pass); the ones who stayed for emotional drama were bored by the football. Everyone wrote it off as either a soap opera or a sports show. People punished it for doing both.

For a country that is full of rabble-rousers who bemoan the lack of “Christian, family values” they sure as hell couldn’t find FNL on the TV. But that was because Friday Night Lights didn’t pretend to be a wholesome sitcom with a fat, lazy husband and way too attractive wife and two smart-aleck kids. It defined raw emotion.

The characters wore their hearts on their sleeves, you cried and cheered and did everything in between watching them. Perhaps the raw honesty was unsettling and turned off viewers. But it never made sense to me why millions of people watch emotionally manipulative porn like Extreme House Makeover but couldn’t get invested in FNL.

A lot of TV viewers will tell you that watching a show about a happily married couple is boring, but it’s a load of shit. You won’t find a more honest portrayal of marriage than the one between Eric and Tami Taylor. There are no crazy subplots, no attempts to add any “wow” factor, just eighty episodes of two characters that love each other unconditionally and provide support during the most tumultuous of times. I guess simple and earnest just doesn’t garner a lot of interest. But the show attacked a ton of issues and did so with earnestness. Racism, teen sex, abortion, public education, feminism. You’re not watching a show about football; it’s about Dillon, Texas and the people who live there.

I’m not going to pretend the show was perfect, that each storyline hit every emotional beat and every arc came to a satisfying conclusion. That’s not true, and the second season is one of the more uneven (crappy) things I’ve subjected myself to. But to those who have never seen an episode or might have given up, I say give it another try. If you can subject yourself to Gossip Girl or One Tree Hill then watch a show that does it right.

High School “Glamour Gals” Are Not Doing What You Expect

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On a so-called “Christian” blog, a commenter named Colleen commented that she was a teacher, and she thinks that teenage boys are “disgusting”.  If I was on the school board where she worked, I’d fire her bitchy ass so fast her dewlaps would flap.

Teenage girls are stereotyped as being screamy, vapid, obsessed with clothes and the attention of boys, which they don’t know what to do with when they get it.

In Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, the snooty maitre’d at Chez Quis regards young Ferris with disdain and says “I weep for the future.”

Negative stereotypes do apply to some teenagers.  But like any gross generalization, it’s false to a large degree.

Half Hollow Hills High School West is a public school on Long Island, located between the affluent towns of Huntington and Dix Hills, and serving the not-so-affluent South Huntington and Babylon areas.  Because it’s a large Long Island district, it’s ethnically and economically diverse.  It’s one of the top ranked public school districts in the US.

They have a club called “Glamour Gals*”.  What do they do?

Twice a week, these 15 girls go to Atria, an assisted living facility, and give manicures and spa treatments to the elderly residents.  Some boys don’t want to miss out on the fun, so they joined them on their most recent visit.  The boys and men discussed history, sports, and played trivia games.  “The people at Atria get to make new friends with us, and we get to hear their cool and interesting stories.”, said Ross Beloff.  Classmate Christina Napoi summed up the project by saying “People may say we’re doing community service, but it never feels that way.”  The name of the club is likely to change once more boys join. (*source – Newsday)

The next time someone goes all “Get off my lawn!” at a kid who isn’t doing anything wrong, Imma lay some smackdown on ’em.

I always talk to my beloved nieces as if they were adults, and their parents have observed “They never have an attitude when we come to visit you!”  Hmph.  Wonder why that is?

If you have a young’un in your life, raise your expectations and treat them with respect.  The results may surprise you.

Things to Consider for Next Year’s Grammys

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So Sunday night’s Grammys were excruciating! Did the quality of the show equal the length? No! Did the performances meet the overall expectation of mediocre and mostly unmemorable? Yes!  If I could describe the whole show in a sentence I’d probably say…”It was like watching Gwyneth Paltrow sing with Muppets while Cee Lo Green possibly laid a rainbow colored egg in a technicolor Hanna–Barbera turkey costume.” But that really happened!

What were some of the things that we’ve seen before that they should never do again, but probably will?

Get Your Hair Swoops Prepared

By next year Justin Bieber will no longer be a bubble gum sensation; all the purple hoodies and singing in a boyishly girlish falsetto will be dunzo. So who will be the next crooner with a swoop thing on their heads made of rubber cement and owl feathers?

I think it’s safe to say that given the current trajectory of Jaden and Willow Smith’s career of nepotism and genetic privilege…they’ll be the next celebrity spawn to launch a music career fully funded and endorsed by their parents…and the world. I imagine the whole Smith clan will take the stage at next year’s Grammys . Perhaps there will be a light show and a Scientology Colonic given to audience members as they perform. I mean what else could there be when Scientologistic alien people-pods start hypnotizing the world with their lulling lifeforce sounds?  Music?

Gaga Gone Madonna, Egads!

Personally, I’m done with this gimmick princess. Don’t many of us, when watching la Gags, believe it’s still 2009, so the eventual appearance of Gaga in a gilded cage full of human hearts and peanut brittle, makes you sigh just a little, especially when she comes trotting out of an egg incubator ready to shock you…and she sings Madonna’s Express Yourself? Yes, because that’s what Gaga fans need…more access to a time capsule. Fantastic. 2009 becomes 1989. Be prepared, Gagaophiles, because 2010 will be mostly shit, but you don’t know that yet! So yes, I predict more Madonna bastardization from Gaga, and I certainly look forward to the Madge backlash…or frontlash, or vadgelash. I dunno. Whatever the Gaga portends nowadays.

Perhaps Gaga’s next dance single will be called Vacation, because the British interpretation of the same event, uh, Holiday was already taken by, uh, someone.

Katy Perry and Her Boobs Sing-A-Long

Grammys 2012? Well, what to do if the Perry Boobs aren’t on full display? Listen to her music and watch her stomp on stage crashing and sputtering about like a big-eyed sugar-high baby on Gymboree apparatus that’s what! Boobs aside, there could be sparks flying from her torso, candy dripping down her face, or a trapeze with a parasailing Russell Brand who’ll land and tell ten minute jokes about how tight his and Mick Jagger’s pants are! The entire audience will explode into a pop orgasm of cheese and empty calories because that is exactly what hearing a Katy Perry song will do to you…make you bloated and full of obese particles from all of the trans fats that seep into your ear holes and attach themselves to your thighs at the sight and sound of this continuing spectacle.

Basically, I don’t think the Perry and her chest lumps are going anywhere anytime soon.

100% More Old People

Mick Jagger! You couldn’t wait to see him perform and do that duck-lipped chicken strut, or hear the creaking vocals of someone who still thinks they can hit the high notes and gyrate effectively without looking like they’re flinching rhythmically during a prostate exam. And if that wasn’t enough, I know you practically seized with joy while Bob Dylan had a rambling embolism on stage to the tune of various vagabonds playing their corn cob pipes and washboards with spoons.

But, are one, maybe two, walking, singing, and strutting hip replacements satisfactory…well, not if you’re the Grammys! Streisand and a full orchestra just appeared out of nowhere to the quickening of Lea Michele’s cold dead heart, and made us all fall asleep to the nasal inflections of the world’s most companionable lullaby artist. Not sure how they can top that in 2012. Maybe with Rick Springfield, Ozzy Osbourne, and Carol Channing’s stirring rendition of Hello Dolly?

I assume they’re already working this out and the wonderful dichotomy that is the pairing of young stars with octogenarians will be ratcheted up next year. So plan for a bit more Metamucil in your Four Loko.

Hollywood Sings for Your Amusement

Gwyneth Paltrow!  She’s Country Strong….well, if that country is Hollywood and being raised by a famous producer and his actress wife. That’s just like dustbowl Kansas, right? The sterile queen of white-walled living got down and funky Sunday night. Not because it’s the current thing she’s doing to stave off boredom and motherhood. No, not at all. Perhaps this isn’t just a fad. Perhaps getting an Oscar all those years ago just really makes life anticlimactic at this point. It’s not nearly enough to make shrimp tacos, get paid millions of dollars to make us believe that you enjoy country music…no, not at all.  We just really need to see you in stiletto Louboutins singing with Cee Lo and Muppets because there’s a current void in our lives.  Looking forward to Alyssa Milano’s new CD full of fist-pumping club hits to make the rounds at Seaside Heights’ Club Karma next summer.

So there you have it. All the upcoming awesomeness for next year. What do you think? Did I miss anything? What are your predictions?

Jonathan Solo nsfw

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In honor of the most obnoxious holiday ever created, I thought I would showcase an artist who’s work bends traditional gender roles. In the majority of art, no matter the medium, subjects are almost exclusively heteronormative. So when I see the work of an artist like Jonathan Solo my mind whirls. His goal is to make you uncomfortable, to make you think about his work, his subjects.  Adding in his own experiences with death, addiction, and personal struggles, his works are unique to his feelings at specific points in time. About his work in his own words…

“Strict polar gender identifications have been used to control and confine us, even persecute us, for millennia. We are at last breaking out into a fuller appreciation of the breadth and power of the multi-dimensionality of the gender spectrum.

My work explores the vast space between those rigid gender identities, through fine graphite renderings that are then cut and reapplied to birth a new identity. I am moved by the remarkable brave individuals I encounter who are exploring uncharted territories. They risk so much by just expressing their true selves, breaking free from the highly constrained paradigm of male vs. female. Lately I am fascinated by the existence of Intersex people and their unique histories and trajectories.

I blend elements of images from hyper-real sources like pornography and fashion with those of everyday people, juxtaposing female and male aspects. I then lens these with subtle distortions to generate an underlying visual tension in the overall image. After intricately rendering them in graphite on paper, I then excise each key element and reassemble them into the final layered composition. My goal is to evoke both a resonance and confrontation with viewers of my work.”

Tracking the Crazies – Prince William is the Antichrist

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I have a long-standing fascination with crazy people. I love them. Absolutely love them. Through Crasstalk, I have found an outlet for this hobby of mine. So, without further ado, here is the inaugural “Tracking the Crazies with BBQ” column.
Recently, I came across an important global issue while mindlessly trolling the internet. This proves that wasting time on the internet is never really a waste. I’ve been fairly wrapped up in my own menial concerns and have failed to keep tabs on the Antichrist. It’s one of my biggest flaws and it was actually my New Year’s resolution to keep a better eye out for the Antichrist. Up until now, I’d failed miserably, but I came across a YouTube video which lead to further research and I have an important revelation about Revelation:
Prince William is the Antichrist.
I know what you’re asking yourself. How the heck did I miss this? I felt stupid too. It’s easy to get mired down in your day to day life and I think most Americans are so overly patriotic that we assume that the antichrist will show up closer to home. I always thought he’d herald from Texas or California but that was just typical American arrogance.
If you Google “Prince William antichrist” you will get more hits than you ever imagined. There are lots of YouTube videos and some detailed reports. I got lost in the middle of some of them but I’ve never claimed to be any kind of biblical scholar. It’s actually taken me days to sort through the research to understand why and how Prince William came to be the Antichrist. I’ll outline them for you briefly.
• Remember when they cloned Dolly the lamb? Well, you were tricked into believing that the lamb was the first clone. Actually, Prince William was the first clone. He was actually cloned from the Shroud of Turin.
• Since Prince William was cloned from the Shroud of Turin, he will have the same DNA as Jesus, whose DNA is on the Shroud of Turin. So, he’ll be able to claim that he’s Jesus reborn because the DNA will be an exact match. But, he won’t be because any clone of Jesus would be an abomination, and would therefore be the Antichrist.
• His family shield has all the harbingers of doom aka signs of the beast a la Revelation. I can’t make head or tails of Revelation but evidently it points clearly to Prince William’s family crest and you can read it for yourself at http://www.cephasministry.com/prophecy_royals_and_the_antichrist.html. I got a screeching headache after about three minutes so consider yourself warned.
There are other miscellaneous details that are convincing evidence in and of themselves. They include:
• He was born right after a solar eclipse on a summer solstice when the sun is most high
• The Lion King was released the week of his 12th birthday. Some think the movie was made as a subtle and cunning tribute to him. His enemy Scar mocks Jesus, who has scars from the crucification. He was the same age when this movie came out as Jesus was when he preached in the temple.
• On March 6th, 1996, Prince William showed the world that he and his two sons William and Charles, had been the first people to be voluntarily implanted with microchips (RFID) in their right hands. This is very beast-y (devil-like) behavior.
• He posed with a lamb in a picture, which is intended to mock the famous picture of Jesus with the lamb.
I think you’ll agree that taken individually, these facts are troubling, but taken as a whole, they all point unmistakably to the fact that Prince William is clearly the Antichrist and we should all be on vigilant alert. He’ll be turning 30 in 2012, which is the year that Jesus began his ministry, so it’s likely that the Antichrist will have a similar schedule. According the Antichrist experts, he is really going to start acting up in 2015, so you will want to start planning accordingly.
Here’s the original video I found, in case you’re interested: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwJ0PZMbu-w

Grammys Not Completely Out Of Touch This Year

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I hate the Grammy Awards and usually ignore them, but I’m crashing at a friend’s place tonight and she hosted a little Grammys party so I had to sit through the whole thing…and it wasn’t bad! That’s not to say there weren’t plenty of boring and/or awkward moments to be had–and Katy Perry’s wedding-video montage was just the most mawkish thing–but they also got some things right this year, which was definitely a pleasant surprise. Here are some examples:

  • Arcade Fire’s The Suburbs wasn’t necessarily the best album of the year, but it was certainly better than the other nominees. And before you object, “But what about Gaga!” please remember that she was nominated for an 8-track EP, which was very enjoyable but hardly “long-playing.” Speaking of which…
  • …Lady Gaga’s red carpet entrance was phenomenally bizarre, but “Born This Way” is–at best–a mediocre dance-floor anthem and certainly not the stunning first single we were expecting from her new album. She’s a great singer and it shows in her live performances, but once hers was over the night was refreshingly non-Gaga-centric. For all the Gaga hype with which CBS surrounded the Grammys (i.e. the one-hour Anderson Cooper interview that aired before the show), she didn’t dominate the evening. Not to sound petty, but this was a relief. Girl’s talented, but backlash doesn’t discriminate.
  • About forty minutes into the show, there had been one award presented and four performances. This was pretty silly–it’s an awards show, after all–but frankly, I’d rather watch a string of engaging performances than a string of self-congratulatory acceptance speeches. Jagger was spry, Bruno Mars and company had me enjoying their music for the first time, and Usher’s dancing during “OMG” was top-notch. Like all awards shows, the Grammys started to drag by the final half hour, but this year’s ceremony wasn’t nearly as excruciating as in previous years.
  • Older artists didn’t seem totally irrelevant this year! I already mentioned Jagger, but two other performances from industry veterans are worth noting: Babs and Bob. Barbara Streisand doesn’t need a “reason” to perform at the Grammys, and when she got on stage, I imagine that gays and Long Island soccer moms alike paid attention. She started off a bit wobbly but really hit some of her notes beautifully through the majority of “Evergreen.” And while Bob Dylan’s pretty unintelligible these days, he seemed surprisingly charismatic during his performance and his mere presence was clearly a huge moment for all the younger musicians on stage.
  • I feel really bad for Aretha Franklin. Something tells me she didn’t stay home simply because she’s “getting better.” I obviously hope she can beat this pancreatic cancer, but it’s not an easy thing to do. The tribute was rockin’, though; each of the ladies on stage sounded great. And after her little national anthem bungle at the Super Bowl, it was nice to see Christina Aguilera remind everyone why she got famous in the first place–that voice!
  • Okay, it’s worth mentioning again. ARCADE FIRE WON ALBUM OF THE YEAR. My friend put it well: “When you first listened to <i>Funeral</i>, could you ever imagine them winning the top Grammy award?” While a band that sells out Madison Square Garden and appears on the cover of TIME is definitely not “underground,” Arcade Fire is still an indie band, and it was awesome to see the Grammys finally recognize the nebulous but notoriously overlooked category of “indie music.”

What did you all think? Who on earth is Esperanza Spalding, and why have I never heard of her? Could Justin Bieber have looked more ridiculous in his lil’ white tuxedo?

Lady Gaga Expected to Hatch Any Minute Now

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The Grammys are airing tonight—you’re not watching?—and Lady Gaga arrived in an egg being carried by members of the Haus of Gaga.

Two things:

1. This concept was a little soft-boiled, no? Did she poach the idea from someone else? She couldn’t have hatched a better plan? Etc. (Glasgow Rose, I’m looking at you).

2. Come the fuck on, Gaga. Look, I recognize that every unresolved phrase in pop music over the last decade sprang fully formed from your high forehead, but that doesn’t give you the right to…actually, no, it probably does give you the right to be carried aloft in a disturbingly translucent plastic egg.

Gaga warned the world of this shortly before her appearance on the Grammys red carpet. She tweeted thusly, on the Twitters: “This is Nicola, Haus of Gaga: Gaga is in incubation. Tonight’s performance is in collaboration with Hussein Chalayan and House of Mugler. X”

I don’t even know what that means.

Nepotism Can’t Buy You Love

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Two of Rupert Murdoch’s many problems are that nobody knows who will take over News Corp when he’s called down by the dark lord and that his daughter runs a media company that he doesn’t own.

In an attempt to solve both problems at one time, News Corp is in the final stages of talks to acquire Elisabeth Murdoch’s European television company Shine Group for somewhere around $700M.  Elisabeth is reported to have the kind of drive that the old man is looking for.  His other kids are getting passed over, though something tells me they can still live comfortably.

LA Times