A dear friend of mine swears by a book of all-natural cleaners. I didn’t care for information on her Bible of Clean because I have an amazing cleaner. Bleach and water, or vinegar and water but mostly bleach.
I have a general rule that I won’t go in a home that doesn’t the Clorglorious because said house must be icky. Only icky people have icky homes ergo I can’t trust the bleachless. I love my Organic Girl but I say she’s the exception that proves the rule.
When I was a teenager, I worked for my grandfather. It was a sort of torture for us both. One year, he had to send out some catalogs and the manufacturers he worked with sent him some literature to include in the catalog. Some of the pages weren’t well made, so he decided that those little plastic reinforcements needed to be put on the little holes in the pages. This meant they needed to be put on all three holes on every single page in every single catalog. I am not sure how many of those little plastic reinforcements I had to put on, but I know that they ordered a case of those plastic rings of death and I used them all. It went on for more than a month. Continue reading
Fact: Some famous people act like fucktards. Let’s channel our regular bitching and turn it into malicious dishing! Why wait until someone’s name happens to come up in a conversation? You’ve seen or heard of a celebrity doing something that would help your fellow Crasstalkers wile away the hours until the “acceptable” drinking time is upon us. Spill it. No person is too insignificant to mention wherever they may fall on the ubiquitous “ABCD” list. And isn’t that what image search is for? You people have a gift for sniffing out the most absurd pictures and videos in existence. Do what you do best and let’s all join hands in prurient harmony! Continue reading
When you’re gone, you probably hope that people will remember your noble deeds or staggering accomplishments. However, smell is the sense that is most strongly tied to memory. In my case, that means most people will probably remember an onion-y cheese smell when they think of me. Continue reading
Dear Crasstonians, what sort of books amuse you?
Do you enjoy the insanity of Dave Barry and his essays, are you a fan of Roz Chast and her collections of comics she published in the New Yorker?
What about “Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them” by Senator Al Franken? Is that one of your self-amusement go-to’s?
Personally, I am a huge fan of Jill Browne and her Sweet Potato Queens series.
How about Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris? Continue reading
I’m sure I will get flamed for this but if one more person tells me how great “The Kite Runner” is, I will dedicate my life to reading Harlequin Romances. I’m not even sure I would hate it if everyone else didn’t love it so much. I’m just weary of hearing so much about it.
I also fall into the company of a passionate group of people who despise “The Fountainhead”. I also despise people who like “The Fountainhead.”
What books do you hate that others go on and on about? Like, “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”? Or perhaps “Three Cups of Tea”?
I know that everyone is just about bored with this meme, but I was thinking about stuff we say that no one else says. For example, after yesterday, I say “Never trust a ginger”. I thought this might be a fun game. What do we say that no one else says? Continue reading
Let’s say, just for funsies, that your favorite relative in the entire world, your old Auntie Eugenia, went to her favorite seven-come-eleven outlet and shelled out twenty smackeroos on a scratch-off ticket, then handed it to you in an envelope on Christmas Day. That’s your present.
“Thanks, Auntie,” you think to yourself, “I could have bought a Starbucks Grande Mocha Choka Latte Ya Ya drink with that cash and had money left over for a tip, or I could have shanked it on down to the bodega for a lil somethin’ from One Eyed Jimmy, if you know what I mean.” But, Auntie believes in state-sponsored gambling, and she’s not so good with the mobility these days, she’s not going to wander around the mall looking for something for you, now is she? She was there, the lottery man was so nice to her, and so this is what you’re handed. Continue reading