Today’s sausage is all chuckle. Continue reading
michele bachmann
13 posts
We’ve learned today that Michele Bachmann, our favorite Admiral in the fight for America’s freedom, hopefully wrestled away from the dirty Kenyan while using the Ronald Reagan sword of mercy and defiance, will be ending her campaign for the Republican presidential nomination. A crushing defeat in Iowa last night sealed her fate, and really made it rather ridiculous to continue, but the biggest loser here is us, those of us who will miss her contribution to the world of politics — and by extension comedy. Continue reading
With Michele Bachmann’s animated corpse of a campaign in dire trouble, the couple have been spotted at local places of worship attempting to get the attention of their Higher Power, or practice telekinesis or photosynthesis. I dunno. You tell me what’s going on in this picture.
“Are you there Gaaaahd? It’s me Michele.” She begins quietly.
“Elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist…” Marcus practices, as if waving from a motorcade.
You know the rules: There’s only one rule in Open Caption: Be Funny. Continue reading
I’ve been terribly busy this week but after this Thursday the 22nd I should be able to package up something fresh, antibiotic free and humanely raised in the way of CT articles. Until then I’ll leave you with this image of Presidential Hopeful Michele Bachmann congressing with constituents from within the cooler. I will say it’s very clear that Marcus didn’t choose this outfit for her.
You know the rules for Open Caption, don’t you? There aren’t any! I like my Open Caption like a GOP Candidate: verbose, ridiculous and crazy. Comment.
Which is really a relief since we were all taking her so super seriously. That is, until her latest comments regarding the recent natural disasters, one of which has a death toll of 24.
“I don’t know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We’ve had an earthquake; we’ve had a hurricane. He said, ‘Are you going to start listening to me here?’ [Politico]
This latest comment would seem to suggest Michele Bachmann is living on the Fred Phelps side of town. Most astoundingly she seems to believe in a God which has no better means to communicate with creation than to directly cause pain and suffering. It certainly paints a clear picture of the old school, ‘God is Angry’ message at the core of her beliefs.
The Chicago Tribune reports that Michele Bachmann, she who has the completely hetero husband, is guaranteeing TWO DOLLARS A GALLON GASOLINEif she is elected.
Just so you can see the lunacy, here’s the direct quote: “Under President Bachmann you will see gasoline come down below $2 a gallon again,” Bachmann told a crowd Tuesday in South Carolina. “That will happen.”
When reached for comment, Suze Orman quipped, “honey, I will be a patient in her husband’s clinic before gas goes down to two dollars a gallon again.” No, Suze didn’t really say that. But she should.
Seriously, her idea is to remove any restrictions on drilling and roll back federal regulations on the shale gas industry. OK, while she delivers the killing blow to the environment, what she doesn’t understand is that her actions would have little impact on gas and oil prices. Continue reading
Michele Bachman is scary. Behold her terrible gaze! Already the Eye of Moron has used her eldritch power to drive Little Timmy Pawlenty weeping from the GOP race. Tremble, America!
What makes Bachmann scary? First, she’s, well, sort of crazy. She believes some pretty wacky things. Perhaps “crazy” is too harsh. Let’s just say she’s not a big fan of the fact based environment. Bachmann got her start in politics doing things like trying to get Disney’s Aladdin banned because of it’s pro-occult stance. The Lion King is dangerous because of all the gay music by gay Elton John, which might make your children gay. In the Minnesota Senate, she would go over to the desk of Scott Dibble, an openly gay senator from Minneapolis, and pray the gay out of the Senate chamber. Apparently, in the Bachmannverse, gay is some sort of virus that can be spread through children’s DVDs and office furniture, and Elton John is Patient Zero. The Eye of Moron sees all, Elton John! Continue reading
Our top story this morning is your beloved Newsbunny’s left eye being swollen shut after the Stray Cat Attack. Little Furry Bastard. You realize, of course, this means war.
There are other things going on. Continue reading
I don’t know about you, but if you’re often photographed, or filmed, or witnessed looking like a complete loon in most every visual sense represented by modern technology…how can you really blame anyone for your lack of focus, your stunned appearance, or what looks to be a pained effort to read the words inside your head? Apparently, Conservatives believe that the liberal media wants to make Michelle Bachmann look crazy, and it’s not, uh, you know, Michele Bachmann just looking insane, because that’s kind of her thing.
Let’s see what the conservative brain trust thinks. Continue reading
Those riots in London are still being milked for front page stuff today, according to the BBC. What were they even rioting about? Okay, it seems as though the police have killed someone and a protest over said death got out of hand, that’s why. But I also think that rioting has become sort of mainstream, it’s kind of just acceptable to riot sometimes now. Everyone’s doing it! It’s an internet sensation like planking except it has horrendously destructive and violent consequences in real life, which is pretty uncool so if you’re going to go crazy and burn something let it be the sweet Mary Jane brothers and sisters, amen. Gather round and get your headlines inside. Continue reading