Jersey Shore

14 posts

Jersey Shore Recap: The Ballad of Vinny Guadagnino

We’ve known from the very beginning that the Jersey Shore was just too much. Too much drama and silliness contorted by the inebriated and raucous ramblings of the eight people stuffed into a shore house in the buttcrack of New Jersey’s Wendigo realm called Seaside Heights. It has all been too much; the braying at the top of their lungs, the fights, the smushes, the showing of kookas, the living in a mini-hoarders wet dream, the sometimes psychotic repetition of the same people doing the same things, expecting different results, but ultimately pooping out shoulder-shrugs and continuing on their merry way toward lunacy and an enlarged liver.

These are all things we know. What we didn’t anticipate was the eventual toll this would take on one of the participants. Continue reading

Jersey Shore Recap: The Shameful HookUp That Just Wouldn’t Die

It seems like it’s been mere moments since we last heard the delicate as a baboon in distress wails of a beleaguered Snooki, or calculated the Situation’s Draconian birthdate to be in the 7th century BC; or watched Deena trip over her own underwear, witnessed Sammi and RAHN make the smush beast with two backs, enjoyed Vinny and Pauly’s Aykroyd and Belushi skit, or finally convinced ourselves that someone could in fact inject a “Castle Jump-Jump” into their sternum and tie string around it like a Christmas pork roast before calling it a “club outfit” as JWOWWW tends to do. The last time any of this happened the Guidos were in Italy stomping around their homeland, and mashing the pebbles in the Florence piazza like a zit that landed on Italy’s face. Continue reading

Jersey Shore Live Blog

‘Sup, guidos and guidettes?  Now I know you’ve been asking yourself, how can I celebrate all things tacky, gauche and wholly inappropriate?  Or bring out my inner slore?  Why, by joining the Jersey Shore live blog, that’s how!

Let’s get fresh to death, down some Limoncello shots, and do some good old fashioned fist-pumping.  No changing shirts till t-shirt time!  You remember the safe word, right?  You know, the one you yell out when you’ve had enough of Sitch cockblocking his one true love Pauly D?  Or when you’re DONE watching Deena make out with a girl in a desperate ploy for attention (which for Deena is Tuesday)?   You don’t?  Well, it sucks to be you. Continue reading

Jersey Shore Liveblog: “We’re in Italy B*tches!”

Buon giorno! Ciao! And all other manner of Italian salutations! Yes, that’s right all our wonderful guido friends have now taken their tanned, poof-haired, staggering, falling, fighting, screaming selves to their homeland with the sole goal of smushing all over famous Italian sites. We fully expect the Polizia to come and arrest everyone, just everyone in the Jersey Shore in Italy house. Can it still be The Jersey Shore when you’re in Italy? Obviously MTV thinks so. Do we fully expect Snooki to fall off a Vespa? Yes. Will Pauly and Vinnie wear something sparkly with gargoyles and rhinestone swirls? Yes! Will J-WoWWW fall off a cliff and into her own cleavage? Yes! Will The Situation become the Continuing Annoying Faction? Definitely! What’s a Deena? We still don’t know! Will Sammy and Ron become great friends and never fight? Oh, hello. You must be new here…of course they’ll fight! It’s the Jersey Shore way!

Get your sausage, peppers and your Ron-Ron juice because yes, we’re in Italy Bitches! Continue reading