Beyonce

5 posts

Blue Ivy Probably The Least Happy About Kate and Will’s Happy News

(William brushing the dirt off? Lulz) Oh, sure she is. There’s got to be some way to inject some Americanism into the news that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting a little monarch, right? There’s probably no better way than to submit that America’s little bundles of baby pseudo-monarchy are probably giving this whole Royal Baby nonsense the empirical side eye that it rightly deserves, yes? Yes. Continue reading

Obvious Things You Shouldn’t Do If You’re a Celebrity

On Saturday night the world was gifted a precious soul. One chosen to possibly lead the world out of rampant darkness. It is she who will make us mere mortals stop and consider what the outcome of our lives would and could be, for without her ethereal light, the continued downward spiral of man will not lapse. She will be the bringer of peace and joy, and become the protector of legions of humans on this wasteoid piece of rock we call Earth — or she’ll just be a celebrity’s kid and we’ll all watch while the paparazzi covers her wardrobe, birthday parties, and days out with mom that include the tagline “Beyoncé and Blue! They’re Just Like Us!” Seriously, it will be either world domination or photo ops at Build-A-Bear. Continue reading