NotSoDeepSouth

59 posts
NotSoDeepSouth resides in the jewel encrusted buckle of the Bible Belt, which is Dallas, Texas. He's often wrong but seldom uncertain about anything. Find him at twitter, gmail and google+

Open Caption: Dinner For Schmucks Edition

Mittens Talking Over People

So it’s really easy to find photos of these people. They have a ton of them over at Politico.com. Honestly I’m just there for the pictures. I read the articles about as much as anyone ever reads them in Maxim or some other quality publication. So let’s talk turkey: What do you think is going on in the picture above? Is Mittens explaining his interpretation of Joseph Smith’s “Word of Wisdom” where he exhorts the faithful from partaking in “Hot Drinks”, which the LDS church interprets to mean “No Coffee and No Tea?” (Note the carafe in the picture, sitting there – mocking him in silence). Continue reading →

Adorable Gay Couple in Dallas Wants Your Baby

Random alleged gay couple photo

No, I’m not lurking around Toys R US waiting for someone to leave their child unattended. I am, however, starting to pick up speed as I careen down the hill into my mid-to-late-thirties.  My age isn’t worrying me as much as my Father’s age and his health.  He’s fairly obese and over 70 so I’m starting to think if I’m going to have a child and if that child will ever know my father, I better get on with finding a child.

There’s a lot to consider. First of all does my partner really want a child? He said he did when we started dating. This topic was one of my qualifiers for dating. “I want kids,” I’d say and then scrutinize his face for that “something you said just farted” look. We agreed, tentatively, that this sounded like a good goal to push into the five years down the road plan. Now it’s three years later and my clock feels like it’s ticking. How do I pass the time? As anyone would pass the time: A) reading B) scheming, which I’ll refer to as “planning.”  Continue reading →

Michele Bachmann Shut Down by Eight Year Old

A nation weary of trying to talk any sense into GOP Candidate Michele Bachmann has sent instead an eight year old boy to carry the message. It is hoped that dealing with her on terms and at a level she can understand will be more successful. Previous attempts to reason with Mrs. Bachmann have met with what appears to be a solid wall of ignorance and intolerance when it comes to issues involving gay people other than her husband. Continue reading →

How Your Crummy Childhood Can Work Out Okay

Reflecting on the pieces I’ve written here thus far, one might get the impression that NotSoDeepSouth is a trembling pile of human wreckage. Nothing could be further from the truth. I hardly tremble at all. But seriously, here’s a sample of stories I’ve contributed:

My analyst likes to tell me that any one of these events would be enough to keep us talking for a good while but all of them together makes it seem like a minor miracle that I’m still alive. I recall staring at her blankly when she said this. What does one say to that? Continue reading →

In The Wake of Sexual Abuse

As a survivor of child molestation it’s strange to listen to others try to digest the recent unpalatable situations unfolding in the news. Judgement and scorn for the abuser. Pity and protective stances offered towards the victims. I listen in silence as my good ol’ boy coworkers discuss their anger at the alleged abuser. My own feelings have been obfuscated by years of denying the impact it had on me, until now. Continue reading →

Open Caption: Ebony and Ivory Edition

It’s been a while since we’ve poked fun at a GOP Presidential Candidate photo. This image is stuffed with possibility as tightly as Newt is packed into that suit. Tight like Mrs. Cain holding her fingers to her ears when you try to explain to her what “Running Game” and “Fronting” mean. You guys know the rules: There aren’t any rules, just don’t not be funny.

Life After Project Runway

Now that Project Runway Season Nine is safely put to bed, let’s take a look back towards last season. The judges decided, for some reason, that Mondo Guerra was not to win Season Eight, even though he was clearly in the lead and favored to win. Let’s catch up with Mondo and see what he’s been up to and answer the question: Is there life after Project Runway? Continue reading →

Researchers Say Zombies Are Bad For Your Health

Any Sci-fi fan or Systems Administrator will tell you: Zombies are bad for business. This holds true whether your managing a theme park, a mission critical webserver, or especially the ecology of the human body. Zombie processes on a webserver are ones that are supposed to terminate but instead they hang around eating up resources and wasting processor time. The same is true in the human body. “Zombie cells” are no longer able to divide like normal cells. Instead they hang around releasing toxins and presumably making one crave human flesh and to start talking with a lisp. I may have made up that last part. Continue reading →