Sorry this took so long, before I could finish it I got deathly ill and then when I started to feel better my computer had a hard crash I am just now getting back online from.
Politicians
Mitch McConnell – Thumped Ajit Pai, Mitch looks like a strong overall candidate to take the entire thing. The way he smiles makes me think he would cut out your liver to sell with that look still on his face.
Paul Ryan – An easy first round match-up slides Ryan into the second round. He should be forced to walk around with a copy of that horrid tax bill hanging around his neck. Suddenly someone cares about deficits again!
Steve Bannon – Fun guy, the book that came out is gonna be an interesting talking point for awhile making everyone a lot of money. I think Steve Bannon was voted “Most likely to look like a zombie” when he hit middle age.
White Trump Supporters -Thanks for giving us the worst (and possibly last) President ever you assholes.
Media
Sarah Huckabee Sanders – Squeaked out a win over Tucker Carlson in a bit of a shocker. Let’s enjoy at least another week of her squirming her way from questions about the book.
Sean Hannity – A strong candidate who swept Spicer. Goebbels easily moves on and I am seeing a lot of Nazi themes.
Alex Jones – His chest thumping caveman shtick is all the more funny because he looks like he is about 10 seconds away from a heart attack. I am pretty sure that if someone punched him in real life he would cry.
James O’Keefe – I thought for sure Tomi was gonna win this one. Liberals are going to be dealing with this asshole and his badly edited lies for the next 30 years.
Celebrity
Steven Seagal – Beat Barris with a thin margin, I am pretty sure Seagal is just a walking ego stapled to a tub of muffins. While Barris only caused one death Seagal easily topped this by KILLING IT at the movies.
Martin Shkreli – So punch-able and douchey. How does this guy even have friends? Profiteering when people are ill is pretty fucking despicable.
Harvey Weinstein – Terrible guy all around sex assaulter, is probably going to try to be back in power in Hollywood within a year like nothing happened.
Caitlynn Jenner – Next time you don’t like the candidates then actually vote for the initial entries.
Foreign Affairs
Bashar Al Assad – Actually killing people has been deemed more disgusting then denying that a lot of Jews died in the Holocaust. He has been gassing his people though…
Vladmir Putin – Trumps handler, probably has his fingers in the nuclear pie happening in NK. A nuclear war would hurt the US and China and probably Japan.
Kim Jong Un – The other guy who might just be crazy enough to bring about the apocalypse. North Korea is so poor they cannot afford round things. Instead of a bowl cut Kim Jong Un has a box cut. Say what you will about North Korea but their hair cutting technology is very precise.
Rodrigo Duterte – How many leaders do we have around the world that are batshit crazy? The Age of Insanity is upon us! Random fact; There is a large segment of Christians who voted for Trump because they think he is going to bring the Apocalypse.
I am tired of trying to explain how voting is supposed to work so do whatever you want you keyboard monkeys.
