When my mom was in chemotherapy, I used to write little essays to keep her amused during treatments. Recently, I found some of them and I had forgotten all about what I’d written. Most of it was complete nonsense. However, some of it brought back some amusing memories.
I was still single and nearly 30. I was discussing some of the most nonsensical relationships I’d had and the ridiculous criticism I’d received during them. Most of the criticism factored heavily into the ultimate decision to break up. I’d blocked most of these out, but I thought I’d share a few and ask that you share some because they’re really very entertaining once they’re far enough in the past.
Here’s a sample:
- I’m too “MTV.”
- The colors in my condominium were too bright
- I put too much cream in my coffee.
- I don’t like my coffee strong enough.
- I read too many boring books including Jane Austen and Henry James
- I weight too much or am too thin.
- I don’t eat enough protein and eat too many carbs.
- My carpet-cleaner smells
- I’m not into craft beer
- I joined a sorority and he didn’t think I was that “type of person.”
- He took two hours to get ready for an event and I had the nerve to stop for gasoline on the way.
- He went to Harvard and managed to work it into every single conversation. I finally started steering the conversation into other directions and he got irritated because it stole his Harvard thunder.
- My hair was too short.
- My hair was too long.
- My all-time favorite: I listened to too much vagina music.
