Welcome to the latest installment of the Blerg and Biz Blove Blog. If you think we talked about the friend zone last week, get ready for it to be the sole topic in this week’s post.
Biz: Time to talk about the Friend Zone.
- The Friend Zone is real.
- The Friend Zone is awful.
I will go so far as to say that it’s better to not be friends with someone that you failed to date (i.e. dated but didn’t become a relationship) than it is to try and force a friendship. It’s never worked and usually ended badly for me.
Blerg: I hope we’re not talking about your lady friend you mentioned in your last email.
Biz: We are.
Blerg: Ugh… How can you friend zone someone you’ve already made out with? I don’t know that I’ve ever Friend Zoned someone on purpose (i.e. they were interested, but I was not). But I have been Friend Zoned and yes, it is awful.
Did she just outright tell you that she only wants to be friends or has she back off of the romantic stuff?
Biz: As it turns out, it’s pretty easy. You say “I don’t feel any chemistry here.” and “Lets just be friends.”
Here’s the deal: it doesn’t work. When you start out dating, then try and pivot to friends, someone’s feelings are going to get hurt. It’s never mutual, and there’s always bitterness and resentment to some degree.
Blerg: That’s a chicken shit way to end things.
Biz: Agreed, which is why the Friend Zone sucks. You agree to it halfheartedly, because you think there’s an off chance they change their mind, but they don’t. Once you’re in the Friend Zone, you never escape.
Blerg: It’s definitely a rare, only happens in romantic comedies type of thing.
Biz: I’m not even sure I’ve seen it happen in RomComs. I can’t think of a single movie where the protagonist escapes from the Friend Zone. It’s so unrealistic, even Hollywood won’t do it!
Blerg: I’m sorry, Biz.
Biz: It’s not my first rodeo. So what about you? Ever Friend zoned someone? Ever been Friend zoned yourself?
Biz: Also, if you’re wondering what being Friendzoned feels like, this gif is pretty close.
http://i.imgur.com/YEym2fy.gif
Blerg: Probably more times than I care to admit. One happened earlier this year. One of the coaches at my gym was trying to set me up with another member (I was sort of unaware at the time), but I did develop some feelings for him. It all came to head at our Christmas party. He was very handsy and kissed me several times. Oh, but guess what, he was very drunk and didn’t really mean it and doesn’t want to date anyone at the gym and can we still be friends? Fine. Of course then he fell off the face of the earth. I saw him a while back and just told him we can’t still be friends because I never hear from him. Which is fine because I’m dealing with all these Tinder dudes now.
The other big time I remember was when I developed feelings for my roommate. It was terrible. I finally broke down and told him how I felt (after we were no longer roommates) and he said, “I think we’re better as just friends.” And he was right. I will say it helped that we had this conversation right before Katrina and then I didn’t see him for a few months and had other stresses in my life, so I could ignore my broken heart until it went away.
Like I said earlier, I don’t think I’ve ever purposely put someone in the Friend Zone. If anything, I’m dumb and can’t recognize when a dude is hitting on me, so I just think we’re friends. This is the type of shit I blame on going to an all-girls high school. It made me a little socially retarded.
Biz: I think the way you handled your friendzoning is as well as can be expected. You had a clean break and eventually came back together.
When you get friendzoned, that space is essential. If you go right from dating to friends, there’s a lot of loose ends that fray the whole new relationship dynamic.
That’s not to say that it’s all bad. I do have female friends that I have rich and rewarding platonic relationships with, but it’s not easy.
When you get friend-zoned, there’s a natural tendency to look at the people your friend dates and go “How is this person a better match for them than I am?”, which leads to hurt feelings.
What about you guys? Care to share about any time you were put in the friend zone or had to put someone there? Did you ever get out or did the relationship just fade away?
