Here are my tips for you on how to have a successful “friends with benefits” relationship.
Remember, it’s really about the f***ing:
Try not to forget that. While some friends with benefits relationships have the potential (and do) turn into committed and/or long term relationships, first and foremost its about taking your pants off and getting it in. Try not to lose sight of the goal – your orgasm (and your partner’s, if you care) in a noncommittal, no strings attached manner. That being said, if you do start feeling “more than friends” emotions for your Friend With Benefits (FWB), keep reading to my next two points:
Be honest:
Before you venture into a FWB situation, try to set your boundaries with your friend. Granted, this isn’t the most practical advice, since we all know how most FWB relationships begin (with vodka). But if you can, try to discuss with your friend “what it means” for both of you before you start (or sometime post-coitus, but for god’s sake, don’t harsh your or your partner’s “I just got laid” buzz).
Be open:
If you start to catch a feeling, if you find yourself thinking about your friend just a little too often, time to speak up. Don’t writhe in agony when your FWB is dating other people, or stay silent if you start feeling hurt that he or she’s not paying attention to you. The whole point of a FWB is fun and no strings attached sex. If it’s anything less than fun for you, then you’re not doing it right. Why be hurt and upset in a FWB relationship when you could be feeling all those wonderful emotions in a “real” relationship?
Don’t forget he’s/she’s just a F* Buddy:
No, you guys cannot watch Love Actually or How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days while snuggling on the couch. No Taylor Swift or Dashboard Confessional playing while you screw. No, you cannot cuddle and engage in hours of pillow talk. The probability of not falling for someone while gazing into their eyes naked for hours is slim to NOT-F***ING-POSSIBLE. Yes, you can have meals together, but not every time. The only exception to this rule is a standing date to watch a television show together (and screw).
Limit Your Circumstances:
The best FWB relationships are heavy on the B, light on the F. It’s hard to navigate a friendship when there’s benefits involved – does being friends with benefits mean “benefits” whenever you want? Every time you see them? Only when you’re drunk? In the god-awful situation where your FWB is in your circle of friends, there’s always that dicey end-of-the-night decision where you both have to decide whether you’re going home alone, with each other, or with someone else. And if Party 1 has expectations of spending the night together and Party 2 doesn’t, Party 1 winds up sexually frustrated/alone and potentially with his or her feelings hurt. Nothing like being resentful towards a friend you see on a regular basis. If you’re going to enter a FWB, try to pick someone outside your social circle, someone who when you see, you know what’s going to happen. Get to the bidness.
Know that despite everything I just said, someone’s going to get hurt:
Inevitably, when two people are having sex with each other for an extended period of time, the chances of it working out calmly and with both parties walking away unscathed is pretty damn low. As my esteemed friend phrased it so eloquently, “that shit never works.” Out of all my FWB relationships, I can think of only one that worked “successfully” – i.e, both parties got what they wanted, no one got their feelings hurt, and when it was over, it wasn’t because one of us got angry or mad, we just “changed” into being regular friends. So know that if you and your friend decide to be “more than friends” but “less than” a relationship, you have a chance of losing your friend. Remember, be fussy who you let play with your.. ..never mind. Happy Valentine’s Day.
Image via MorgueFile.
