While sitting in a restaurant on “date night” I couldn’t help shaking my head at a young couple in their twenties as they sat nearly motionless for much of their meal, both with their heads bent over their phones texting like crazy. Neither seemed to think there was anything wrong with sitting in each other’s company and texting away as if the other wasn’t there.
Is this the only way we communicate?
Now, me? I thought it was a bit rude. Of course I could be alone in this assessment, but it just strikes me as odd to do that much texting while on a date. If there’s that much to say to someone who’s not in your presence, maybe the most prudent thing to do is to text, “Hey! Person texting me! I’m on a date right now!” or excuse yourself briefly and give the person a call instead of having a real-time visit via text message while out face to face with someone else.
And don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those people or an otherwise nonconformist who believes that cell phones should practically have a rotary dial and can only be used between the hours of 11:25am and 8:30pm like some wizened old grandpa. We need them. We use them. Texting makes things a hell of a lot more convenient. Especially when you need to speak in brief. Need a phone number or an address quickly — texting is the way to go. Need to let someone know that you’ve arrived at your favorite diner — send a text! “Hey, Hubby, I’ve got the movie tickets! Grab us some Skittles and a large Coke!” Yep, this is ripe for a text. Pertinent even.
Other times when texting is optimal:
- When you’re watching The Walking Dead and your mom needs to tell you something really important like you got some mail from your high school reunion committee. THIS IS WORTHY OF A TEXT! (no one needs a phone call about this.)
- When you’re at work, in class, or some other quiet place and Kobe Bryant just twisted his ankle. (no one needs a phone call about this)
- You need to know where that cute little place where you had that awesome hot cocoa two weeks ago was, but you can’t remember the name, but your best friend does because she works two blocks away.
- Returning a text message contact. (NO! NOT TO SAY “THANKS” OR “YOU BETCHA” OR “SMILEY FACE” OR “LOL.” This is a waste of time.) But something like, “Are we meeting after work?” “Yep.” Or “Hey, where are you?” “Standing in line at Auntie Anne’s Pretzels. Shut up. Don’t judge me.”
Basically when you want to send a quick one-off message, or maybe you saw something funny in brief that you want to share. You get the gist.
When it’s better to just call someone because sending a text makes you a goofball who’s too attached to your device
- When you have really bad news to deliver
- When you have really good news to deliver
- Basically when the response to either of the above will cause the other party to write more than two lines of text — this means you need to call.
- When you really should spend time suffering a phone conversation and not send 50 texts. DO NOT LIVETEXT A LIVE EVENT! Your phone going off every 25 seconds with each response will annoy the shit out of any and everyone in your direct vicinity.
- When you’re on a date. Oh, geez. Just put the phone away. Or text the bugaboo and tell them that you’re on a date (unless the texting is a nefarious plan to sabotage said date which is lame, but carry on) Or excuse yourself and call the person and communicate in one verbal exchange instead of twenty digital ones. Also, no one should have to tell you this.
- When you want to ask someone out on a date. DO NOT TEXT AN INVITE! “Hey, what r u doing sat? Wanna go to bklyn bowl? Awesome cheez fries!” Barf. Shotgun. Sigh. Only the most suave of those among us can handle the casual, but meaningful text. Trust that you’re probably not one of those people.
- Call your boss. Because you and your boss shouldn’t be text buddies. Boundaries. Set them.
- When your text speak is just abysmal or some sort of digital hieroglyphics. No seriously! If it’s so bad that people call you anyway to decipher what the hell, “OMG, I has a Bizzle, and LMMFAO, NALOPKT, BTW Anywho, LSS — I fell down HTF and I was like ADBB!” is then that likely means everyone you know would just like you to stop.
- When you text someone, “Call Me!!!” NO! Just call the person.
When it’s imperative you call because otherwise you’re just the worst kind of offspring, friend, or person in a relationship.
- When it comes to Mom and Dad. Know that at some point you’ll have to break down and speak to them in person. They can only take but so much of this texting bullshit. Think of it like this, texts to them are like billboards. Sure, they’ll get the gist of what you’re selling, and it doesn’t really matter how adamant you are with a big, fat text billboard neon sign that says, “No, really, I’m fine!” Sooner or later they’re going to want to pull over at South of the Border and experience the ceramic sombrero guacamole dip holder for themselves. Just call yourself an avocado and face facts, friend, you gotta speak to your parents eventually.
- You’ve been asked for your advice. This means you gotta call the person. You can’t give “Real Talk” in a text. Or you just shouldn’t. Unless the question is something easy like, “I’m drunk and bored. Should I call my ex-boyfriend, the stupid asshole who treated me like shit, but he was always kind of a riot when we went to Brooklyn Bowl…” Then of course you send a return text that says, “NO!” “HELL NO!” “YOU’RE OUT OF YOUR FRIGGIN MIND!” But then you follow it up with a stern phone call.
- The Angry (Argle-Bargle) text or the Sad (You make my life hell!) text. Which is basically the “Are we really going to do this via text?!” text. You’ve obviously got some stuff you need to get off your chest. Either call or arrange a meeting. (And yes, if it’s for Sunday coffee in a neutral place, someone is probably getting dumped. Or if it’s in the middle of your shared bedroom, you’re going to hear about underwear, socks, or dirty towels left on the floor. This just is. )
Have any others? Let’s talk about it in the comments.
Image: Flickr
