The "GB" behind him looks terrifyingly radioactive.

Glenn Beck, jar of pee connoisseur, jeans shillsman, and all around tear-filled manatee of ridiculous bullshit, tried to buy Current TV, and this is a real thing that happened.

We learned late yesterday that Al-Jazeera — the well-respected if not controversial — news organization purchased Current TV for a whopping $500 million. Current TV, the floundering news channel founded by former Vice President, Al Gore, has seen its share of shake-ups since its launch, and has struggled to find an audience. Maniacal shouting head Keith Olbermann was brought in to be lead anchor on the channel which resulted in an embarrassing bit of bad press once the arrangement went sour, much of the fallout heaped onto Olbermann for his “diva-like” attitude and ensuing very public tantrums.

The network tried to rally with a new spate of programming that featured former Michigan Governor, Jennifer Granholm; political commenter, Cenk Uygur; and ousted former New York governor, Eliot Spitzer. The gamble didn’t pay off and Current TV suffered in ratings. Now with the news of Current’s sale to Al-Jazeera, Granholm has announced that she’ll be leaving the channel, which plans to transform the network into Al-Jazeera America, with hopes of adding more U.S. bureaus and journalists.

For his part, reportedly Glenn Beck’s The Blaze was looking into the purchase but was rejected, not surprisingly. We can’t understand how Beck thought he would be taken seriously. But interestingly, it seems that The Blaze has a larger viewership than Current TV, so why on earth would he want to take over the very liberal network? We’re sure in Beck’s warped little brain it was some master plan to try and indoctrinate all the liberals out there with his noxious brand of theatrics using his chalk board demonstrations of doom, his penchant for illustrating “6 Degrees of Separation” from Kenyan Muslim World Domination, and all the other ripe for ignoramus fodder he could hurl at a stunned viewing audience.


What the Wall Street Journal was told is: “Glenn Beck’s The Blaze approached Current about buying the channel last year, but was told that ‘the legacy of who the network goes to is important to us and we are sensitive to networks not aligned with our point of view,’ according to a person familiar with the negotiations.”

In short that means, “No, we’re not going to sell this network to an insane billy goat hopped up on conspiracy theories and ramshackle plots about how NBC in Rockefeller Center has an underground bunker filled with cannons aimed at Newscorp and the world or whatever other inane notions you’ve devised using your stupid-person abacus or heard through the tin foil hat on your head.”

There’s also no word if Beck even had the money to put down for the purchase. We’re pretty sure “Tea Party Bizarro Bucks” wouldn’t be accepted and “Salty Man-Tears Triggered by a Flaming Constitution” also would be rejected. So we guess for Beck it’s back to just being satisfied with running that lunatic flea circus he calls The Blaze.