We’re so kidding. There’s no way anyone would cast Zac Efron as JFK, would they? Jimmy Kimmel wants to play Freddy to Leno’s Jason; X-Men be Damned! Bryan Singer to television; Just Jack gets Back in NBC’s Pack (Rhymes we gots them); Catfish to continue making people squirm in all their Pinocchio-ness; Ben Affleck backs out of K-Stew web.
Did you know there was going to be yet another JFK movie? Like one that probably has all the grassy knoll conspiracy theories, and we dunno, maybe there was an evil donkey in Texas that day and nobody knew? No? Well, how can you really be sure? We’ve experienced so many of these JFK movie type things it almost seems as if anything is possible. And to that point, Zac Efron, yes, the humming sweaty thighs of Zac Efron, as well as Marcia Gay Harden, will be joining Paul Giamatti, Billy Bob Thornton and Jacki Weaver in Parkland, this newest thing where people wring their hands over the whole JFK assassination in minute detail, but in this one we’re going to the hospital in Dallas! New venue! But everyone will probably still have that cool Don Draper pocket square thing happening. Now then, how much would it make you barf noodles if Efron is actually cast as JFK? Lots and lots, right? Okay. We’re pretty sure that’s not happening. Pretty sure. [Deadline]
Uh, oh. Jimmy Kimmel wants to take Jay Leno’s Hoveraround and throw it into the Grand Canyon. He joked that Jay Leno reminds him of Jason from the Friday the 13th horror movies. “Just when you think he’s dead, he comes back.” This all stems from rumors that Jimmy Fallon will be handed the gilded Conan Scepter of Potential Bait and Switcheroo and probably be named Leno’s successor at some point soon. Well, that’s what you guys think! Jay Leno has revitalizing undead regenerating youth tablets hidden in his chin so just when you think he’ll give up his late show gig he’ll pop one in his mouth and voila! fifteen more years of his yuk, yuk, nonstop train to Denny’s Grand Slam Breakfasts and Rockports! He’s never giving that gig up. So say whatever you want Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy Fallon, Jay Leno laughs in your direction as he peels the cover off a cup of pudding and wrenches up his man girdle. Just try and stop him. [Deadline]
X-Men director, Bryan Singer, is hoping to close a deal that would bring The Twilight Zone back to primetime to air over at the Tomb of NCIS and giggle shit-fest Two and a Half Men or as we like to call it, “The CBS Mayan Apocalypse” starring Jon Cryer. There’s no word on what this new iteration would be like. X-files in black and white? Tales From the Crypt with crazy SNL alum Victoria Jackson hosting? But whatever it is, we’re hoping it’s nothing like Singer’s latest venture, the shuttered series but then thrown on television around Halloween, NBC’s Munsters-themed Mockingbird Lane pilot which we fooking hated. It was like watching Eddie Izzard make small poops in a bathtub and then like a proud baby say, “Cake or Death?!” It was still Izzard, just a depressing Izzard. There’s no way to gauge expectations on this new Singer project, but he’ll be back for the upcoming X-Men: Days Of Future Past, where we’re sure he’ll kill Storm (Halle Berry) in a wind machine accident — please. [Deadline]
Urgh. Singer is also supremely happy that Hugh Jackman will be back as Wolverine. He took to Twitter to tell the world how excited he is about that. And we all rolled our eyes, just as we’re sure Jackman who’s probably readying a place on his mantle for an Oscar probably did. [Deadline]
Since that Three Stooges remake was probably one of the worst things we know to exist, Sean Hayes (Just Jack!) will be returning to the safe bosom of NBC for a new comedy project. He’ll play a single dad who has a tough boss and is raising a daughter. So he’ll be Dagwood Bumstead without Blondie maybe? Okay, sure. NBC is very much on the family show kick lately, which has been a boon for them. We can admit that. However it’s still NBC so don’t be surprised if some sort of wolf-bloodhound creatures make an appearance wearing firemen britches. [Deadline]
MTV, you know that channel full of millennials, is going to renew its “Bullshitters! Internet Edition” show, Catfish. So in the style of epic insane show, Cheaters, more people will be ambushed in their homes after lying to gullible internet users for months or years about who they are. So that’s a good thing, right? Every fantasy world participant needs an awkward guy coming to their home with a camera hoping to film an angry confrontation with the Catfishee of their lies. Good times! Awkward moments! Lots of defensiveness! Carry on, MTV. [THR]
Ben Affleck, who wound up in Washington, DC today talking to John Kerry about the African Congo to all kinds of internet tongue wagging about an is/isn’t he going to run for Senate bid, because Hollywood actors with no political experience would be a great thing for the Senate, has dropped out of Focus co-starring Kristen Stewart. Oh, K-Stew! What did you do now? Was it the constant shrugging? The penchant for married man-sleeping, or maybe Affleck is just too busy YOU KNOW THINKING ABOUT OSCARS, HIS COMEBACK, AND NOT BEING LINKED TO THE INFECTIOUS WANTON MAN-HUNTING AND SNOGGING WAYS OF K-STEW! No, seriously, the latter probably didn’t really happen. Or maybe, seriously, Jennifer Garner looked at Ben’s square jaw and remembered their getting together after Daredevil and his and J-Lo’s get together after Gigli, and said? “No.” Haha. We bet that didn’t happen. It was totally needing to spend time on his next directing project Live by Night. That is totally it. [Vulture]
