Undecided Voters: Really, People??

I am fascinated by this creature known as the undecided voter, particularly with respect to the 2012 presidential election. Because I really don’t understand how anyone could possibly be on the fence in choosing between President Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. The media rather hilariously uses the euphemism “low-information voters” to describe this group. But what does this loaded euphemism mean?

Wikipedia tells us the following about such voters: “they vote, but are generally poorly informed about politics. They are less likely to vote, tend to be more moderate than high-information voters,” and “look for candidates whom they find “personally appealing.” They “tend to be swing voters” and “rely on cues about the candidates that are often of limited usefulness, and in the absence of real information make their decision based upon stereotypical beliefs about what traits such as physical attractiveness, race and gender can tell them about a candidate’s suitability for office.”  Well, then! I’m guessing this was the crowd that preferred Bush 43 to Kerry because he’s the kind of guy you’d want to have a beer with. A fine way to select a president.

Depending on who you listen to, these folks have the power to decide THE ENTIRE ELECTION. This is pretty frightening. Do you want the possible fate of Western civilization to rest on their heads?

Why exactly are voters undecided? Based upon how strikingly Obama’s views differ from Romney’s, this is an excellent question. Here are a few of Romney positions – well, as best as I can articulate them, as they vary depending on the time of day and position of the moon. Romney:

  • was firmly pro-choice before he was against it (and even gave different explanations as to the catalyst that made him become pro-life. True fact);
  • was against government regulations before he began supporting them;
  • has an outline of a tax plan that will cut income tax by 20% for everyone, not raise middle-class taxes, not add to the deficit, and will somehow be revenue neutral. 
  • wants to give FEMA functions to states and eventually the private sector. Hmmm, maybe not so much anymore in light of Hurricane Sandy, but stay tuned. Election Day is not here yet and he can still change his mind;
  • thought bailing out the auto industry would be a mistake;
  • ridicules climate change;
  • has binders full of women; and
  • thinks 47% of the electorate is lazy, shiftless pond scum.

Obama positions include the following – he:

  • supports the Buffett rule, whereby persons making more than $1 million a year would be taxed at 30%;
  • believes the government has a role in making people’s lives better;
  • stands by the health care law he got passed;
  • believes women should have right to control what happens w/their bodies and have the right to choose; and
  • bailed out the auto industry.

I have a theory that these voters are not undecided at all, but that they rather enjoy the attention they’re getting. Or maybe they don’t want to reveal their true beliefs to pollsters and interviewers. I’d really like to believe this. But people like the ones interviewed by the New York Times do nothing to restore my faith in America. My favorite is the guy who’s voting for Romney but donated to the Obama campaign. Ok, at least he’s not wishy-washy and has made a decision, right? Not so fast. Asked why he donated to Obama, he explained that he had been “inundated with emails from the Obama campaign” requesting contributions and “feared consequences” if he did not give. Dayum, is it that easy to persuade these idiots to donate? Can I get his email address? I can use some cash money right about now. Just in time for the holidays!

So what say you, Crassers? Are undecided voters truly pondering both sides of every.single.issue? Are they holding their true beliefs close to the vest? Or are they really just fucking idiots?

Maybe we can tell these people the election is Nov 7th because 2012 is a leap year? Hey, 2012 really is a leap year, so it wouldn’t be a lie. I’d say we have a pretty good shot at convincing them.

Image source via justjoep.blogspot.com

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