“Channing Tatum Looks Like a Thumb Compared to Ryan Gosling!” Screams RyGos Fans

Hmmm. Ryan Gosling fans are mad and they’re not going to take it anymore. Apparently for two years in a row Ryan Gosling has been snubbed. He hasn’t been named People magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive,” an honor once held by Nick Nolte. And this infraction just isn’t sitting well with TeamRyan. Somewhere though, Nick Nolte chuckles as he covers himself in gin and Dinty Moore Beef Stew.

This year Channing Tatum, the steak abiest man in modern day, got the superior award. To which he said some mouth-garble earlier about washing his dogs when he heard the news and then he back-flipped into a vat of baby oil and pelvic-thrusted his way across town.  Ryan Gosling we assume said nothing as he saved a baby from a well and stopped a jewel thief from robbing Cartier.

Can we just say that we really don’t get the notion that Ryan Gosling cares one flying iota about winning People magazine’s PR-based national pony-prancing dress up show? We think Gosling goes about his day drinking protein shakes and doing Filipino stick fighting or whatever it is he does, and doesn’t give the magazine much thought. Yet, we’re sure if he had a movie to promote or something in the next couple days, every giggly entertainment reporter would ask what he thinks of the hoopla, to which he’ll say something charming about not caring, but loving and appreciating his fans. And really, that’s all anyone really wants an A-list celebrity to do, right? Not shit on their fans, and maybe do some humanitarian stuff like Matt Damon, George Clooney, or Brad Pitt – all People magazine winners, natch. Asked the same question while making the talk-show circuit, we’re sure Tatum will blush modestly and then un-cage his excitement of being recognized by the nation as being sexy thereby validated by Hollywood and not just compared to Mark Whalberg from an early 1990’s Calvin Klein ad. All of which means absolutely nothing. Sorry, Channing. Stop grinding on Sherri Shepherd.

So, really and truly, RyanGos fans, and RyanGos “Hey Girl” meme makers, can we give the campaign for Ryan to win silly awards based on nothing but pectorals and movie ticket sales a rest? Tatum, despite the whole thumb thing, had quite a few movies in 2012. And that surely helped with the decision making. People magazine could really care a whit about what the rest of the common masses want. This is what supposedly makes it so “special.” The fact that it’s based on little to no criteria. You can even reasonably predict what could happen next year. Gosling has three movies on tap, so maybe next year could be the one, or perhaps not. Watch out for Jeremy Renner. “OH NOES!” said every Ryan Gosling fan. Everywhere.

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