The first season of Showtime’s reality series Polyamory is nearing its end and many people are wondering what effect the show will have on the public’s perception of the polyamorous lifestyle (for those who don’t know, polyamory is the term for people who maintain loving relationships with multiple partners).
Polyamory may well have a positive effect, in that it gets people talking about a way of life that’s not familiar to many people. However there are some problems with the show that also may limit the positive effect that it could have on building awareness of the polyamorous lifestyle.
Casting
The casting of the show may limit the program’s ability to reach a wider audience. I’ve mentioned my concerns about Kamala and Michael, the polyamory ambassadors. There are issues with the other cast members as well. Should these people be representing the community?
• Kamala has a very clear business interest that is intertwined with the lifestyle. Her husband appears to be helping with this business. Although they are activists for the community, they are clearly profiting from it as well.
• Kamala’s pod of lovers are part of an onstage Tantric theatre in southern California. Many polyamorous people could not be part of such a conspicuous venture without harming their families or professional lives.
• The “Anthony, Lindsey, Vanessa” triad consists of a convicted felon who served three years for armed robbery, an aspiring musician and a bikini dancer.
• The cast in general is unrealistically good-looking and everyone is white and very well-educated (possibly over-educated in some cases). Aren’t most polyamorous people regular humans with normal jobs and issues? No one seems to worry about money, housing, custody issues, parenting issues or anything other than negotiating jealousy and sex. I’m sure that polyamorous people do more than have sex and talk about sex, but those seem to be their sole concerns on the show.
• Did they film around the unattractive people in the community? You might get the impression that polyamory is only an option for attractive people with great abs. The sex scenes would probably be a great deal less appealing if the cast were more realistic but it does seem like a flat stomach and a great rear are entry requirements into the community.
• Some of the relationships don’t seem emotionally healthy. It may be the result of editing, but it often seems like Jen is being steamrolled by the other three people in her pod.
Bi- and Homosexuality
The bisexuality is all female. There has been no man-on-man action whatsoever. Why aren’t bisexual men represented at all? The only kind of same sex interaction is the long-standing fantasy of bisexual women making out in front of men.
It’s Soft-Core Porn
The network is using the movement to make soft-core pornography. It’s got all the makings of good soft porn: attractive people, girl-on-girl sex, group sex and lots of sexy talk and lingerie. Soft porn, however, is not often an agent of social change. We all know why we watch soft porn and it’s not so we can better understand the complexities of the relationships on camera.
The sex scenes aren’t going to help the movement get support. This is not a show with a normal format. Each episode contains at least three nude sex scenes. Most are group scenes. People who are comfortable with the concept are likely not offended by these scenes. But what about the rest of the viewers? Is this the best way to help people understand the polyamorous movement? Most poly sites and activisists make it clear that polyamory is about more than sex. The show presents a very different attitude. It seems to be almost exclusively about sex.
The Polyamory Community
There are probably lots of issues that concern polyamorous people and these do not take center stage. Polyamorous people face discrimination, have housing issues, deal with complex parenting relationships and probably have a lot of other serious concerns that are not discussed in the show. Hopefully, the season finale will address some of these concerns.
The differences between swinging and polyamory are only touched upon and I’m not sure the distinction is clear to the average person. Maybe the differences aren’t huge or maybe they are only important to some members of the community, but it is a little confusing.
Hopefully, the show will at least make polyamory easier to discuss. Did you know that it comes up as a spelling error in most computer programs? At the very least, maybe that will change.
If you want to know more about polyamory from people in the community, check out modernpoly.com. This site has information about the lifestyle, resources for people interested in learning more and perspectives from members of the community.
