Training camp has started and soon your favorite team for which you had high hopes will lose a key player in a meaningless preseason game and dash your hopes for the entire season. Let’s start off my preview of the coming season with a look at our current champions and their chances of repeating. While overall this division is weak, these teams love beating the hell out of each other, so at least if you are forced to watch an NFC East game, you can laugh as the woeful Redskins spoil the Cowboys’ playoff chances when Romo throws 4 picks in a game.
New York Giants – The Giants were probably one of the blandest teams in recent Super Bowl history. They barely squeaked into the playoffs because the Cowboys choked it away at the end of the season. The Giants lost a few key players to free agency or retirement (Eli probably wishes they had resigned Mario Manningham). Bonus! Their first round draft pick already has a broken foot, and he was one of the last rookies to sign a contract. Well, maybe he can learn the playbook on the PUP list. Eli Manning is a pretty good quarterback, but I don’t think he can carry this team to the playoffs. While they have a great defense all those 3 and outs because of a suspect running game will wear them down as the season progresses, even if they manage to make 9-7. They will not get into the playoffs because the NFC is loaded with talented teams this year. Theoretically they also have the hardest SoS (Strength of Schedule) of any team in the league, plus repeating in today’s parity-driven league is harder than ever. I give them less than a 5% chance to make it back to the Super Bowl. Enjoy your trophy while you can Giants fans, you’ll be handing it off next year to someone else.
Dallas Cowboys – Every year the talking heads on sports shows gush over how Tony Romo is ready to “have a breakout season! We promise!” And every year Romo has a horrible stretch of games and the Cowboys play themselves out of contention. Looking over their Offensive roster, none of their names jump out at me on offense other than Dez Bryant and Miles Austin. I’d bet my last penny that Jerry Jones quietly called Peyton Manning when he became a free agent, and when Manning said no he came out in strong support of his inconsistent QB. Can you imagine the mess that Dallas would be if that news got out? Let’s talk about Jones, one of the most buttinski owners in the NFL. I mean this guy comes down to the sidelines during close or bad games! Hey, you know what made me nervous?
When I managed a pizza restaurant, we started up a delivery service and the owner of the store INSISTED on being in the store, which made all my employees super nervous (they were a bunch of kids). He kept coming up front and rearranging the tickets on the line because he wanted deliveries going to the same area to be ready at the same time. Now keep in mind that I came from another pizza restaurant that already had delivery and already knew how this shit was supposed to work. So they made our delivery area too large which killed our delivery times and wasn’t even worth the tip money. Instead of drawing on my wealth of knowledge, the owner ignored me and guess what? My employees were always fucking things up and drivers were bitching about poor tips and driving too far and quitting. Eventually, I put a piece of tape on the floor and took a stand! I told him when he came in that night (Friday, busiest of the week) that he was not allowed to cross the line of tape and leave the back (Even for a drink, I assigned an employee to get him a drink if he wanted one). At first he was a little pissed about the size of my balls, but I couldn’t manage that atmosphere, so he told me if there were any mistakes that night I would be fired. Not one single mistake or complaint the entire night. My employees were relaxed and happy and totally on the ball. My point? Jerry Jones needs to get his ass back into the owner’s box and learn to trust the people he hired to do what needs to be done properly. With his constant interference, this team will be lucky to make the playoffs, let alone a Super Bowl. Chance of making the Super Bowl? Snowball in Hell.
Philadelphia Eagles – Instead of scooping up a bunch of high-priced free agents the Eagles did the smart thing and stood pat, picked up a couple needs in free agency but mainly spent the money on in-house talent. They came on strong at the end of last year and on offense have probably one of the fastest teams in the NFL. If Vick can stay healthy this year and with players like Jackson getting big contracts (so maybe he won’t end the season sulking) I predict the Eagles will win the division. The real questions about this team are the rush defense (they are sticking with the Wide-9 which is great against the pass but sucks against the rush). The other question would be Andy Reid, I think he is merely an average coach as opposed to a good or great one. Reid is one of the worst clock managers in the game and is prone to make dumb challenges. Donovan McNabb and a good defense carried that team in previous years which made him look good. I could see them making the conference final then flaming out when they waste a time out making a bad challenge and the game coming down to the last two minutes which is when Reid does his best Art Shell Thousand Yard Stare impersonation. I give them a 10% chance to make the Super Bowl.
Washington Redskins – Well at least you have something to be excited about, RGIII. Other than that, you’re basically boned if you root for the ‘Skins. Shanahan is totally overrated as a coach and this is coming from a guy who rooted for the team he won two Super Bowls with. Without a good QB, Shanahan is a glorified offensive coordinator who has no idea how to run a defense (Denver’s defense really went downhill after he came on board). The only reason he didn’t screw up the draft this year is because he only had one option. The other thing that is a kick to your balls is your owner Dan “Chainsaw” Snyder who is actually worse than Jerry Jones when it comes to owners. He always chases high-priced washed-up free agents and fires people at the drop of a hat. Hell, I’m surprised Shanahan has survived so long! Maybe he has backed off a bit. The Redskins are throwing a rookie QB to the wolves in a division that loves beating the snot out of each other. They’ll be lucky to get 4 wins but they are starting to move in the right direction. Chance of making a Super Bowl? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hold on, I hurt myself laughing when I said that aloud.
Next week : The NFC “Norris” Division (North)
