Karl Rove Breaks Irony, The Mittstorm Cometh 2: Wrath of Rahm, Gaze Into Steve Schmidt’s Mystical Shiny Head, Cory Booker Is OK, Please Mess With Texas, and States Rights(!)(?)
First up, we have Human Piece of Shit Karl Rove saying that Obama’s attacks on Mitt Romney’s record at Bain Capital are “gutter politics of the worst Chicago sort” and advised him to stop calling Mitt Romney a felon because Mitt Romney either falsified election documentation to the SEC or is lying to the American people. Mittstorm Rating: Level 2 – Fuck Me
For those of you that have forgotten, Karl Rove was famously nicknamed “Turd Blossom” by former President George W. Bush, for his inexplicable ability to make something good out of a pile of shit. This includes racially motivated attacks on John McCain in South Carolina in 2000, swift-boating John Kerry in 2004, a coordinated spike in amendments banning gay marriage in 2004 as well, and pretty much every other dirty, underhanded, terrible, awful, no-good thing that any one human being can do to get anyone else elected.
So, when Karl Rove starts pontificating about President Obama engaging in “Chicago-style” “gutter politics”, I can only reach the conclusion that irony is now broken. Please adjust your lifestyles accordingly.
Karl Rove should probably talk to all the conservative politicians and commenters like Bill Kristol, George (Effing) Will, Matt Dowd, Mississippi Governor Haley “Professional Boss Hogg Impersonator” Barbour, Former RNC Chairman Michael Steele, and Alabama Governor Robert Bentley that are now saying that Romney should release his tax records. Mittstorm Rating: Level 3 – Fuck Me Sideways
Along the same lines, we have this quote from Chicago Mayor/Dictator* Rahm Emmanuel: “[Mitt Romney]’s give us one year, but he gave John McCain 23 years of tax returns in 2008. And after they saw those, McCain’s people went with Sarah Palin.”
And boom goes the dynamite. Mittstorm Rating: Level 4 – Fucked In The Back Of A Volkswagen
*Having lived in Chicago for two years, I maintain that Chicago is not, in fact, a democracy, but rather a Metropolitan Benevolent Dictatorship.
On that note, we have Former McCain Campaign Chair Steve Schmidt, who noted on MSNBC in January:
I think that [Mitt Romney]`s the front-runner in the race. I think he`s the most likely person to be the nominee of the party. And I would never advise him to disadvantage himself with issues like his taxes, against what is precedent for campaigns.
I think that he will probably do what presidents and vice presidents typically have done with regard to the release of their taxes. But if it was good enough for John Kerry, it ought to be good enough for Mitt Romney. He shouldn`t release information that disadvantages himself and opens up a lot of attacks.
As TPM’s Brian Beutler notes, Schmidt saw 20+ years of Mitt Romney’s tax returns. The fact that Romney is taking it from Obama on the chin and not releasing them says that whatever’s in them is A LOT worse than just the speculation and optics over what’s in them. Mittstorm Rating: Level 5 – Holy Fuck
Of course, venerable scribe Charles P. Pierce has other ideas. Mittstorm Rating: Level 1 – Fucked
And that concludes today’s edition of The Mittstorm Cometh.
Next up, we have Newark Mayor Cory Booker redeeming himself after his bullshit pandering to the bridge and tunnel crowd a few months ago by saying what anyone not in politics with more than a handful of functioning braincells already knows: “All the War on Drugs has done is create more crime, and made hard drugs cheaper, more potent, and more prevalent.”
This comment comes from a larger “Ask Me Anything” interview on Reddit, available here. It’s a very good read.
In other news, the Texas Board of Education is back in the news after member George Clayton, who is noted as a moderate conservative, slammed the two remaining GOP candidates for his seat after finishing third. Why did George Clayton finish third? Because he’s gay and believes in evolution.
If someone would like to go mess with Texas, please feel free to do so.
You may be asking yourself, “What does this have to do with States Rights(!)?”.
Well, Iowa Governor Terry Branstad (R) called it “absolutely a terrible step in the wrong direction”. Florida Governor Rick Scott (R) said “We don’t want people to stay on welfare, we want them to get back to work.”. House Speaker John Boehner (R) said “This move by the Obama Administration is a partisan disgrace.”.
Perhaps I’m confused, but haven’t we spent the last three years arguing over the states’ abilities to govern themselves without interference from the federal government, vis a vis the Affordable Care Act? So which is it, guys? Jimminy Christmas, I know teenage girls that are more decisive than the GOP.
