The former Soviet Republics in Central Asia– Kazakhstan, Turkmenistan, Tajikistan, Uzbekistan, and Kyrgyzstan– are fascinating, oft-ignored, and mysterious. Getting visas to visit all of them, especially for a Yank, would be a monumental task. That’s why on a recent trip to Washington, DC, I opted for a far easier task– visiting every one of these countries’ embassies and asking for travel brochures.
Tajikistan
Address: 1105 New Hampshire NW
Known for: Backdrop for hilarious Aykroyd/Chase Cold War flick Spies Like Us
All five embassies are more or less within ten minutes walking distance from each other. While the richer or slightly richer Central Asian neighbors have embassies on posh Embassy Row, Tajikistan’s mission is situated in a more anonymous area near Foggy Bottom. It is, in fact, the odd man out. While the others speak a Turkic-based language, the Tajiks speak a Farsi-based language.
Because the Tajik embassy is open early at 8 am, I go there first.
As I approach the front, I notice two entrances. The basement entrance has a sign for visas. The main entrance has no sign so I assume this is where I might find the ambassador. I choose the latter. I open the unlocked door. The interior is simply but nicely decorated. A man in an office, dressed sharply with a European cut dress shirt and striking tie, greets me. He appears to be a very educated and capable diplomat. I tell him my interest in his country and he is confused and speechless. After some awkward exchanges, I deflate the tension by suggesting that I should just go on the web to look for tourist information. Relieved, my host agrees. Just as I turn around to leave, a young man who also works at the embassy is already opening the front door for me. I have been not-so-subtly been asked to scram.
Kazakhstan
Address: 1401 16th NW
Known for: Borat (erroneously), steppes, lots of oil and gas
I make my way for Kazakhstan. I am confronted by an odd statue of Saka the Golden Man. I enter a short hallway. Immediately to my right is a window for dropping off mail and packages. Behind the open window is a Russian looking man in his 50s sitting behind a desk. He wore what I suspect undercover Soviet cops wore. He was very distracted.
I walk past this window and into a waiting room full of comfortable couches, with a wall of empty visa service windows on one side. Within the circle of couches is a table with a smorgasbord of literature– brochures for freight companies and even a book about nuclear disarmament. I grab one of everything. As I walk past the security guard again, I ask him if it’s okay for me to take all this stuff. Without even looking up, he replies tersely: Yeah, yeah. I walk out with the loot.
Turkmenistan
Address: 2207 Massachusetts NW
Known for: Eccentric former leader Turkmenbashi, who re-named the month of April after his mother
Contrary to the Uzbek embassy website, it opens at 10, not 9. So I walk past Uzbekistan and get to Turkmenistan. I’m in the heart of Embassy Row. I see European missions with fleets of BMW 7 series with diplomatic plates. Lower level staff members are getting on their hands and knees at the Turkish embassy, weeding and edging their lawn. I come up to Turkmenistan, the most secretive nation in the world.
The door is locked. I ring the bell. Through the narrow window, I see a man in a suit down the hallway. He slowly and purposefully walks towards me. Before he unlocks the door with his left hand, he raises his right hand, palm towards me– the international sign for Stop. He opens the door slightly and wedges his body through the door. I take one step back. I am not allowed in. We chat outside in a serious whisper. The man never had an expression on his face. He does not have tourist information and he wants me gone. I read him loud and clear.
Kyrgyzstan
Address: 2360 Massachusetts NW
Known for: Manas airbase (a strategic American supply base for Afghanistan), kidnapped brides
Practically across the street from Turkmenistan is Kyrgyzstan. As I walk up to the front door, a diplomat with a briefcase walks next to me, in the same direction. It’s clear that he works there. On the front steps, he kindly and apologetically tells me that all of their travel brochures were given away during a recent Open House event. Bummer. Kyrgyzstan actually seems welcoming and dare I say, fun?
Uzbekistan
Address: 1746 Massachusetts NW
Known for: Samarkand, the Silk Road, Tamerlane
The Uzbek embassy looks the most imposing. The driveway is closed off with heavy black chains. When you walk up to the front door to ring the doorbell, it feels like a vacant haunted house. I walk through the side entrance and enter the visa section.
A Nice Lady behind the window is helping a middle aged couple with their paperwork. Seeing me enter, the Nice Lady puts everything on hold and offers to help me. She goes to the back room and spends several minutes looking for any type of literature to give to me. I smile at the couple and feel bad that I’m interrupting their much more pressing business. A girl with a stuffed animal, presumably the Nice Lady’s child, walks through the office. The Nice Lady is fruitless but I thank her profusely for her help.
If you want to learn more about the -Stans and read a hilarious and insightful graphic novel, Ted Rall’s Silk Road to Ruin
Images sources: Registan, Tajikistan, Kazakhstan, Turkmenistan, Kyrgyzstan, Uzbekistan.
