The Hollywood Caller: Will Smith Is Tired of Sequels, But Not Tired Enough Apparently

Will Smith wants off the sequel ride…kinda; we still hate Michael Bay and so apparently do The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; Strafe and roll with Splinter Cell; Ethan Hawke is truly a gossip; Matt Damon shaves his head and finds his tense face again; Django is still casting because that’s not at all scary.

Hey guys, I know it’s been like forever since we had a Caller, so here’s one to knock the dust off it.


Everyone’s favorite sequel guy, Will Smith, says that he doesn’t want to be typecast as “sequel guy” while he continues to make sequels. Okay, um, that sounds confusing. What is it that you do, Will? Haha! We won’t look at your Imdb.com page, because, yup, it’s full of sequels. There is never not a movie sequel on the list. Your name should really be, “Will Smith for the Second and Third Time,” because there’s so much of you already in movies that starred you. Regardless, he says that it’s unlikely he’ll reprise his role in the sequel to the substandard I Am Legend, which instead of being about really haunting end of the world stuff about vampires and the survival of the last man on earth, it was about CGI putty-monsters and dog strangling. So it’s great that Will’s said, “I don’t want to be the sequel guy. I figure I’ve got about six or seven more years where I can run and jump a little bit and then I’m going butt and gut for the rest of my career. Butt and gut.” So we look forward to seeing you in Bad Boys 3, Hancock 2, and I, Robot 2! Sure, fine, whatever! [ScreenRant]

Foiled again Michael Bay, you stupid cheddar ass. There are reports the big screen reboot of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has been shut down indefinitely. Purists, or Turtleists, were pretty pissed off that Bay planned to put an alien spin on the turtle’s origins. WHAT?! Legions of people born in 1985 probably had some sort of arrhythmia when they heard that. WHY IS EVERYTHING ABOUT RIDICULOUS ALIEN NONSENSE, MICHAEL BAY? This is really all for the best. There was no way this thing was going to be anything other than a farce slathered with bullshit and wrapped in robot vomit. So, no one is sad about this. Now then, we have no idea what Taylor Lautner will do with his abs and toddler-face. Perhaps turn into a Pekinese werewolf? At any rate, we hope The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles stays kaput as long as Bay is primed to set fire to this turd and throw it at America’s front door. [THR]

Well, if it’s not a movie based on a Comic Book or Action Figure, we might as well look to video games, eh? Now there’s a bidding war to develop a film version of the video game, Splinter Cell, because that should happen. Paramount is first in the running for the movie about people being alerted that someone is stealthing along a dark corridor, hence the need for night vision goggles, and then, KABLAMMO, the guy, Sam Fisher, gets the drop on baddie bad guy, chokes him out, and hides him in a storage locker. I think this is repeated and played out the entire game, but I could be wrong, or I’m mashing this with Metal Gear Solid, which is like almost the exact same thing! This is what happened in 2001. Paramount is happy because they’re still trying to reboot the Jack Ryan franchise Ben Affleck stunk up, with Chris Pine. So maybe this will happen. Oops, I’ve been spotted. Duck! [Deadline via Collider]

Don’t tell your secrets to Ethan Hawke. Apparently he can’t stop talking about a possible sequel to 1995’s Before Sunrise and 2004’s Before Sunset, which we hope will be called, “After Midnight, We’re Gonna Let it All Hang Out.” Because that would be awesome and musical. Hawke, however, despite a Hollywood rule that says, “Hey guy, don’t talk about stuff until everyone says you can,” has been going around town saying, “We’re also doing a follow-up to Before Sunrise and Before Sunset, so that will be fun. We’re going to shoot that this summer.” Facepalm. Maybe the studio should just write “Spoiler Alert” and then duct tape it to his mouth? No news on what gorgeous city the next chapter will be in, but Hawke is pretty sure the internet will be heavily involved. Like THE Internet? Stunning. Let’s hope they go to Rome or something and not like Philadelphia. Well, except if the whole movie is shot outside a cheesesteak joint. That I’d watch. [Film School Rejects]

Matt Damon’s Elysium gets a plot, finally. Hoo-boy. And from what it looks like, “I’m Matt Damon” is going to get his dystopian future on. And can we just say, “Thank You?” What the hell was he doing buying zoos and running around adjusting bureaus in jaunty Justin Timberlake hats anyway? Let’s get you something with some meat on it. Were you really going to let Ben Affleck win at this whole Hollywood thing? That guy is directing pretty good films! And what are you doing? Sitting around getting paunchy and letting your hair grow out like one of the Beatles? So here’s the thing:

In the year 2159, two classes of people exist: the very wealthy who live on a pristine man-made space station called Elysium, and the rest, who live on an overpopulated, ruined Earth. Secretary Rhodes (Jodie Foster), a hard line government official, will stop at nothing to enforce anti-immigration laws and preserve the luxurious lifestyle of the citizens of Elysium. That doesn’t stop the people of Earth from trying to get in, by any means they can. When unlucky Max (Matt Damon) is backed into a corner, he agrees to take on a daunting mission that, if successful, will not only save his life, but could bring equality to these polarized worlds.

Sounds good and it’s directed by filmmaker Neil Blomkamp of the breakout hit District 9. So that’s something pretty fantastic, yes? Well, yes, as long as he dials back the damnable shaky cam. Can’t stress that enough. I’d like to Elysium without needing to Barfesium. Thanks. [ScreenRant]

Django Unchained gets a Jonah. Jonah Hill who’s riding high on his Oscar nom is taking on more and more dramatic films. It’s been announced that he’ll take on a role in Tarantino’s much anticipated bounty-hunter slavery movie. Since seeing the trailer, we know there is a good tablespoon of camp in Tarantino’s offering, so we wonder if Hill joining the cast at this late date means there’ll be even more levity? Maybe. But more to the point, why is Tarantino still adding anyone to the movie at all? There’s a long-form trailer out, posters have been released, and they’ve even rolled out this tagline, “Django is Off The Chain.” Groan. Just, what? Jaime Foxx is nearly walking the red carpet at the premiere. But, okay, whatever you say, Tarantino. We trust you. Maybe. [Collider]

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