Ever wonder just what the hell you would do if the Apocalypse came? And we’re not talking about some little natural disaster, oh, no, we’re talking about seas boiling, clouds of tear gas, dogs and cats plotting their revenge, and all other manner of indescribable horror, or just your run of the mill zombie outbreak. What would you need to survive? Or better yet, what would you need to survive that could all fit into one pack?
Uncrate.com, the digital magazine for guys who love stuff, has the answer. In their bug-out bag, which is so aptly named, you’ll find the many items that could keep you from becoming zombie chum, or barring all else, will at least make you go out like a real “Ash” Williams. So that’s something to be thankful for, maybe?
And really if the world has gone completely to shit you really had better have a firefighter axe, a machete, a Pump-Action Shotgun, climbing rope, and a titanium spork. Well, what else will you use to eat both beans AND canned ham when you’re in a wilderness camp on alert for zombies, werewolves, rage virus affected humans, cannibals, demons, and/or genetically mutated piranha with wings? Who has time for more than one dining utensil? Spork. Machete. That is all.
Here’s the entire list which is all available on Amazon.com. Well, for now. Who’s to say what will happen once the aliens start concealing their appearance and using subliminal messages in mass media to rule the world. Amazon will probably not really be up and running then.
- Okuma Voyager Spinning Travel Kit ($40).
- Ontario SP16 SPAX Firefighter Axe ($60).
- Steripen Adventurer Opti UV Water Purifier with Solar Charging Case($120).
- Leatherman New Wave Multi-Tool ($60).
- MSR MiniWorks Microfilter ($90).
- Survival Seed Vault ($38).
- Adventure Medical Fundamentals Kit ($110).
- MSR Packtowl UltraLite ($10 – $30).
- Snow Peak Titanium Spork ($9).
- Paisley Cotton Bandanas ($6).
- Mountain House 72-Hour Emergency Meal Kit ($49).
- McNett Gear Aid Tenacious Tape ($1 – $15).
- PROKNOT Outdoor Knots($5).
- DMM ALPHA Quickdraw ($28).
- Suunto Global Compass ($63).
- MSR Titan Pot($112).
- Sierra Designs Tent Stakes ($10).
- Guyot Designs Bowl and Cup Set ($13 – $20).
- Petzl Tikka Headlamp ($53).
- Swedish Firesteel Scout Model ($6 – $20).
- COGHLANS Emergency Tinder Kit ($5).
- American Silver Eagle Coin in Air-Tite Capsule ($39).
- Cold Kukri Machete ($30).
- BIC Disposable Classic Lighter ($7).
- UTG Elite Tactical Leg Holster ($11).
- Smith Abrasives Diamond Combination Thumb Guard Micro Tool ($29).
- Type III Paracord ($12).
- Gregory Mountain Products Tarne Backpack ($140).
- Mammut Supernova Climbing Rope ($150).
- iOSAT Potassium Iodide Tablets ($8).
- Gregory Accessories Raincover ($30).
- Etón SCORPION Solar Powered Weather Radio ($50).
- Mossberg 500 Pump-Action Shotgun ($500).
- Hennessy Explorer Deluxe A-Symmetrical Hammock ($177).
- MTM Survivor Dry Box ($15).
- Mountain Hardwear Phantom Sleeping Bag ($290 – $365).
- Sea to Summit Reactor Extreme Thermolite Liner ($59).
- HK P2000 Pistol($941).
- Hydrocodone ($TBD).
- Ciprofloxacin($TBD).
- Atovaquone ($TBD).
- Shotgun Shells ($TBD).
- 9mm Bullets ($TBD).
Wowsa! Did they forget anything? What about the bathtub in which to hide in? Now that you know what you’ll have in your bags, tell us all the creative scenarios you’ll need for that microfilter and those outdoor knots. We’re thinking in some weird Parkour meets Waterworld dystopian future?
Also, fifty points to anyone who can illustrate an event where potassium iodide tablets are needed. Yikes! We’ve read “reduces harmful radioactive iodine” and that sounds like some scary shit!
Hat-tip to commenter Madfall.