Haha! That’s just crazy. Those two are delusional criminals. This whole case is showing us so much about George Zimmerman isn’t it?
You may recall, George Zimmerman’s bond was revoked due to false statements he and his wife made to the court regarding the amount of funds at their disposal prior to his bond hearing. Those funds you’ll also remember were raised from a website Zimmerman created to solicit money for his legal defense, because he is the kind of contemptuous asshole who’d look to profit from killing a kid.
The emergence of the lie came after the brain-addled Laurel and Hardy team of George and Shellie Zimmerman (THAT’S NOT HOW YOU SPELL SHELLY, SHELLIE!) were recorded in prison speaking to each other in spectacular “Ovaltine Number Code” about the sum of money to be moved from one account to another while Zimmerman remained in jail awaiting the hearing.
Shellie then swore to the judge that she and George were indigent in an attempt to keep the bond low so she and George could pay the bond and still have enough money left over to, we dunno, buy all the chicken pot pies and sweatpants they could ever desire at the Seminole County Wal-Mart? This. was. a. genius. plan.
Well, it was a genius plan, right? It was totally the smartest, bestest plan evah, fist bump, in a circle, upside down, guitar solo perrrfect! Until investigators were tipped off by those suspicious phone recordings which we imagine sounded like this, “Hey Shellie?” “Yeah, George.” “Move all the stuff under my trucker hat in the closet to the trucker hat in the garage.” “Okay, George.” “Hey, George? Should I move it all today?” “Yes, Shellie. Today.” “Okay, George.” “But wait, George?” “Yes.” “What if the cops know we’re talking about money and not really trucker hats?” “Shit.”
The investigators then checked their financial records and found that Shellie Zimmerman transferred more than $74,000 from George’s (bullshit murder account) into hers. D’oh!
Before they could both say, “Perjury and FUBAR’d Court Case!” Zimmerman’s bond was revoked and he was hauled back to jail, because he’s a stupid, stupid man and a killer, and a loser, and a liar, and a horrible, horrible human being. For now, jail is where he’ll remain until June 29th when there will reportedly be a new bond hearing, since this is the way the court system works we suppose. Sigh. But oh, wait, duh-duh-duhhhh! In a bit of foreshadowing, Zimmerman’s lawyer, Mark O’Mara, claimed back on June 6th that George was worried about his wife’s possible legal issues for not telling the truth during the first bond hearing. It’s like he’s possessed with the uncanny ability to know only when his own shit is about to hit the fan.
And lo and behold, as reported today at 3:30pm Shellie Hardy Zimmerman was arrested and booked on one count of perjury. Well, of course she was. Who saw that coming? Everyone. Well, everyone, except George and Shellie Zimmerman who, prior to getting caught, apparently lived in some alternate universe where they believed the law didn’t apply to them. A place where they were smarter than everyone else in the whole wide world! This sounds like Xanadu or Florida, which is just a fancy way to say hell or the inside of a volcano.
Have fun searching for another way to convey “I’m credible” to the judge, Zimmerman. We’re betting the Men’s Warehouse doesn’t have a suit that says, “Trust me even though I’m a lying sack of crap!” But there’s one place where you can probably find the right suit for the foreseeable future…
