Last week, the Apprenti were tasked with creating a Trump-inspired cologne. I know, I’m pretty grossed out too. We were treated to a view of Trump’s Dali-meets-Versailles monstrosity of an apartment. Aubrey was her usual domineering self as PM, and her team won. Penn got fired. Boo.
Clay is ambivalent about Penn’s firing. Dayana feels she’ll need to watch her back with Clay and Lisa because they’re not happy she’s still around.
Aubrey presents her $50,000 check to GLSEN, the Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network. She praises the charity’s anti-bullying message and claims that she bullied at school. I can see that. Oh, irony, thy name is Aubrey. So that’s why she regularly bullies her team! What a classic example of becoming that which you hate.
The next task master/sponsor is Good Sam. Did you know they offer RV road products? I did not. The final six must produce a 90-second jingle for Good Sam and perform it before a live audience. They’ll be judged on the jingle, brand messaging, and performance. Arsenio and Dayana are PMs. I am dispensing with team names because it’s just silly at this point. Trump hints several times that Clay should sing in the jingle. There is a reference made to doing something with the Good Sam mascot as well.
Clay says he doesn’t necessarily have to sing. He hasn’t been paying attention to this show. At least Lisa and Dayana know better and say yes, he does. It’s the only thing on which they’ll agree for the whole episode. Dayana thinks jingles are related to Christmas. Both Clay and Dayana recognize that he is better suited for this task, which begs the obvious question – why didn’t they make him PM?
Aubrey wants cheerleading or tap dancing in the presentation. Arsenio wants to relate the product less to young women and more to moms. Teresa offers to contribute anything she can. Her work ethic on this show is pretty darned admirable. Arsenio shoots down those suggestions and marvels that Aubrey doesn’t get why he’d rather not tap dance. She whines that Arsenio dismissed all her ideas. In a bitchy talking head she says that Arsenio is the biggest girl on the show and hints that he dresses like a girl at home. She also manages to get in a dig about his age. Way to exemplify the anti-bullying message of your charity, Aubs. He and Aubrey go back and forth, and Teresa just wants to keep out of that whole shitshow.
At the recording studio, Aubrey and Arsenio continue interacting like oil and water. The sponsor executive tells them to be mindful of their audience – mothers, grandmas, kids – and to devise a good way to incorporate the company mascot. The brand is the most important thing. Honestly, the creepy mascot looks like someone who gets his lunch money stolen every day. I wonder if there are any unsolved disappearances in his neighborhood. Mascots are somehow similar to cheerleading, so they return to the cheerleading concept. Because moms and grandmothers love nothing more than a wannabe pop star’s fake tits bouncing around in a cheerleading outfit.
Clay and Lisa brainstorm, and Dayana feels left out. The executive tells Clay’s team to go “out there” with the jingle and not settle on safe. Good Sam’s purpose is protection, comfort, roadside assistance. Branding is most important.
The musicians arrive at the recording studio to meet Arsenio’s team. Aubrey looks annoyed that Arsenio dares to speak to them. She interrupts him to tell the musicians what sound they’re aiming for. After asking Aubrey to sing the jingle and write the hook, she takes over the creation of the jingle.
Clay’s goals are to develop the jingle’s style and to keep Dayana from being destructive. The musicians begin playing various genres. Dayana asks the musicians to play something with more pink or yellow in it, and they look understandably confused.
Teresa and Aubrey work with the graphic designer on branding. Not content with this menial task, Aubrey heads into the sound booth to jam with the background singers.
Dayana tries to convince Clay that “Sam” and “track” actually rhyme and should be placed in the jingle. Lisa is writing the jingle, and Dayana wants to work with her. Lisa explains she can’t really work together to brainstorm lyrics, so can’t she just write something and show Dayana when she’s done? Dayana sees their behavior as lacking respect. Look, obviously Clay knows some things about music, and Lisa seems to have good writing skillz. Perhaps she should allow them to create, then provide input?
Clay records the jingle and sounds amazing, of course. Lisa, as radio announcer, speaks about the benefits of Good Sam. Dayana tries making suggestions to Clay in the booth, which pisses Clay off.
When Don Jr. checks on Team Arsenio, Teresa and Arsenio are not around. I forget where they are. Since Aubrey has him all to herself (doesn’t she wish), she croons the jingle to him, and he likes it. I’m not sure whether it’s the jingle or the attention that he likes. In her distorted version of runteldat, she bitches extensively about Arsenio behind his back. Don is gobsmacked that Aubrey is complaining about the PM before the winner of the task is even revealed.
Clay says working with Dayana requires more patience than when he works with disabled kids. Dayana suggests sixties hippie outfits for the performance. Lisa thinks that’s a bad idea; Dayana thinks Lisa and Clay are evil little people. When Don stops by, Dayana praises Clay. Lisa says it was really her and Clay offering ideas. Don asks whether Dayana’s ideas are being heard over two strong team mates. She says not really and calls Lisa loud as usual. Lisa then goes from zero to Def Con 5. Dayana and Lisa argue loudly front of him. Lisa cries, has a full-on meltdown, and storms out.
When Lisa returns, Dayana is working with the graphic designer doing signage and brand messaging. Lisa repeatedly calls Dayana a little bitch and demands an apology, which she promptly rejects. Dayana mistakenly believes that one needs class and dignity to win Apprentice. I laughed at that, too!! Lisa cannot wait to bury Dayana in the board room.
Arsenio is rapping in the booth. On the way to the rehearsal studio, Aubrey bitches that he hasn’t told her and Teresa what they should do when they arrive. In the car, she calls Arsenio and has him detail what each person should be doing at the studio, and how the choreography should be executed. He sees this as Aubrey being a team player, whereas she sees it as her saving the day with her mad creative skilz. It’s like Rashomon. Why on earth would he leave her unsupervised at the rehearsal, knowing damn well Aubrey won’t execute any ideas except her own? What a shock when she come up with her own vision for the choreography should go and does the opposite of everything Arsenio tells her. Even Teresa is amazed at how Aubrey ignored Arsenio’s direction. Aubrey deludes herself into thinking that she’s saving the routine for him.
When Arsenio arrives, he discovers that the routine is completely different. He tries getting things back on track, and Teresa questions whether her idiot team mates can ever work together.
Team Clay gets to the rehearsal studio and begins working with his backup singers. He and Dayana waste no time and begin to argue. She’s trying to make a suggestion about staging. Clay throws a fit because she’s telling him, a performance artist, how and where to stand on stage.
Presentation day! Each team trots out their respective performances. Team Dayana’s fifties theme comes complete with retro outfits, and Clay sings with his doo wop backup singers. Lisa is the radio hostess. and Dayana remains backstage. She laments again about the lack of respect from her team. She comes onstage afterwards and, without utilizing the microphone, thanked everyone for coming. The executive liked the performance but thought it was conservative.
Team Arsenio is wearing Good Sam t-shirts. Teresa and Arsenio perform a skit about being lost on a dark road. Of course, Aubrey laments how awful the skit was and how exhausting it is when your team isn’t as good as you are. Aubrey jiggles – I mean, sings — the jingle in a cheerleading outfit. Arsenio raps and Aubrey jumps into the mascot’s arms. The executive saw energy in the performance, liked the jingle, and liked the incorporation of the mascot. He didn’t like the cheerleading outfit.
Both hot mess teams are in the board room as the baiting begins. Trump obviously thinks the potential for fireworks is greater on Dayana’s team, so he focuses on them. Who should be fired? Here we fucking go. Lisa says she and Clay carried the task. Why is over half an hour devoted to this BR?? The argument progresses into Lisa v. Dayana XII. Lisa mentions Dayana’s effort to incorporate lyrics that don’t rhyme. Don notes that Clay informed him that he and Lisa handled most of the task. Dayana complains that she’s never worked with someone as disrespectful as Lisa. Lisa correctly says that Dayana took on a task about which she knew nothing, then tried to boss around the person who knows the most (Clay).
Yawn. Neither Lisa nor Dayana respect one another. Lisa calls Dayana the female Lou Ferrigno. Is she 110% sure about that? Dayana complains that her team made decisions and then informed her afterwards. Ivanka questions whether this behavior, and being shooed away by her team, demonstrates a leadership failure. Aubrey pipes in to defend Lisa, and Dayana tells her to just stay on her team. Trump likes that Dayana is remaining calm while Lisa is going crazy. Dayana calls Lisa out for crying frequently. This cat fight has been going on for far too long and it’s becoming increasingly ugly. Regardless of who wins, we lose.
Clay agrees with the sentiment of what Lisa has said thus far. The executives liked Clay’s singing, the enthusiastic presentation, and the energetic jingle. But the branding was off, the fifties theme was too conservative, and Dayana did not appear in the performance till the end. Team Arsenio had a catchy jingle and made good use of mascot, and the executive praised Arsenio’s and Aubrey’s performance. However, the cheerleading outfit was too sexy and Teresa should have contributed more. So naturally, the winner is – Team Arsenio!!
The executive felt that, during the team meeting, Dayana has zero presence and he thought Clay and Lisa were the PM’s. Trump asks whether one needs to earn respect. Clay said that Dayana’s popularity as Miss Universe had no impact on the task, and finds it difficult to respect her because she micromanaged things she should not have.
Trump finally puts the audience out of its misery and fires Dayana. Both Clay and Lisa hug her on the way out. This must be the first time that he fired the person who was most deserving, instead of keeping that person around for drama. In another continuity glitch, Dayana’s hair is in a bun on the way to the waiting car, but down when she’s in the car. Her final words: contestants need to stop the drama, remember they’re working for their charity, and there’s no need to be so evil, dishonest and fake. Truthfully, her firing was long overdue.
image via bostonherald.com
