Another slowly sinking NBC ship throws out a lifeline to a new EP; Veteran smashes newbies’ hopes of getting the Emmy; Keanu flick to bow next winter…now in 3D; ScarJo gets the boot, but wants new home for her Black Widow; the Nicholas Sparks formula finds new lead; Seth Meyers’ Mitt Romney pitch probably needs work, but we love it.
So Smash kinda tuned up its piano, put on its dancing shoes, and then took a flying leap off a cliff and into the land of “strange happenings,” “inexplicable Bollywood,” and “Ellis’ eyeballs that refuse to exit stage right.” Yes, well, that’s a shame. The show had promise, really it did. Now it’s more like, “Are you freaking kidding me with this Uma Thurman?!” It would almost seem that never before has a show taken such a sudden and almost comical turn for the worse. It’s like taking an LSD trip to the bowels of NBC’s basement of crap where The Cape lives amongst old shoes worn by characters on Heroes and scuba gear used on that other former show about stupid sea monsters, Surface. That place is a dungeon of poop. Luckily Josh Safran, former executive producer for Gossip Girl, the show about headbands, has been hired to come on board next season to hopefully pull the suck gristle out of this once jaunty show about Broadway and make the damn thing sizzle again, or die trying. Yes, I’m of the notion that all attempts to save NBC shows should have the caveat — or die trying, attached. [Deadline]
If that weren’t enough about the almost comedy that is now Smash, the reps for both Katharine McPhee (Karen) and breakout star Megan Hilty (Ivy) have taken them out of lead actress contention for an Emmy. Only Debra Messing will remain. Oh, boy. That sounds a bit like some folks don’t have a lot of faith that the two “stars” of the show could actually pull down an Emmy for all that singing and dancing on a show about singing and dancing. So instead they’re going to rely on veteran Emmy Queen Darling Diva Lighthouse Rocketship Messing to bring home the award — who also does no singing and dancing. After all, she was Grace from Will & Grace, y’all. And if anybody in that cast knows how to take a goofball role where the actress spends episode after episode making “shocked, zany, zap dingbats” face and little else to take it all the way to the bank and awards — it’s Debra Messing. Fall back, newbies. [THR}
Trouble for the new Keanu Reeves movie, 47 Ronin? Universal Pictures has announced that the film will move from its prime heavy-hitting fall 2012 season premiere to the lighter fare, early 2013, date of February 8. Rumors are swirling that the movie is also going through re-shoots which in industry speak means, “The Movie May Be Dog Crap, So Let’s Try and Shoot More Scenes to Try and Trick the Audience Into Thinking It’s Good.” Sure, yeah, okay. And of course if that doesn’t work, there’s always effects. The studio denies the re-shoot rumors and says they need more time to perfect the 3D effects. HA! So, basically, “The Movie Is Most Definitely Dog Crap, But In Order to Further Distract The Audience…Here’s Some 3D Crap Nuggets to Shit-it-Up Further! You’re Welcome! Welcome to the age of technology. Making 3D dog crap since Michael Bay’s 3D Transformers burned a hole in your retina. [Deadline]
Scarlett Johansson with her little lady-guns won’t be back for Iron Man 3. The news broke just one day after it was announced that Jessica Chastain will be on board for the next installment. In addition, Gwyneth “Goop Miracles” Paltrow is still on tap to reprise her role as Pepper Potts. So there’s no room for a third set of boobs in this Robert Downey Jr. club sandwich, apparently. Somehow we think she just didn’t get enough votes, or her acting in the upcoming Avengers where she poses with her astounding pea shooters didn’t get the desired response. Or I could be wrong on all fronts, and there’s just no way they could pay for Johansson when you have an award winner and an “It Girl” already on tap. No one asked Mrs. Roper to come along and move in with Jack, Janet, and Chrissy, right? So what does Johansson hope to do now? More things like Ghost World or Lost in Translation? Nope. She wants her own Bourne-like Black Widow spinoff. Good. That’s sounds like an awesome idea. Just call up Ryan Reynolds, the ex-hubby, and maybe you guys can plan the Black Widow Lantern movie about CGI wetsuits/cat suits and purple monster-men. Women still need good roles in Hollywood, yes? Yes. Indie movies are saying, “Come back to us, Scarlett. [Vulture]
Okay, I’m just going to go ahead and say it, Nicholas Sparks is the other side of Tyler Perry’s coin. Yup. This is probably one hundred percent true. Just think about it. If you’re a fledgling actor, but maybe you’re a bit hunky — even if not overly talented — you just have to wait around a bit for the next Nicholas Sparks book to turn into a movie and voila! there you go like an instant weepy drama-filled perfected movie soufflé. Who cares if it’s any good! If you can look haunted, but also passionate, but yet still conflicted, especially with an exposed chest, you’re 98% there. This is a tried and true formula. Next up, Josh Duhamel. He’ll star in the next one of these things called Madea Goes to Safe Haven. HA! No, it’s just called Safe Haven. But Madea shows up. Seriously. No. Yes. NO! (yes.) [Variety]
Today in Seth Meyers Musings: When asked how he’d pitch a SNL hosting gig to Mitt Romney, the head writer and Weekend Update anchor said, “I could tell him, ‘Look, Giuliani did it, Palin did it, McCain did it, and they were all President,'” Meyers deadpanned. I wouldn’t lead with that, Seth, but I’d definitely tell him in the dressing room, and then wait for the horror to set in. Think Robo-Mitt 2600 is superstitious? [Vulture]
