The Walking Dead Recap: 18 Miles From Nowhere

Thump, thump, tha-thump. Thump, thump, tha-thump. Yes, this is the way this episode opens, with the tenor of a heartbeat. We see both Rick and Shane scrambling to get away from another horde of zombies, but this time that Randall kid is with them. They’re where? At another school? Another deserted waylaid outpost? The zombies are catching up to Shane and he takes shelter in an abandoned school bus.

The music is tense, it’s beating and clattering along in tune with the ragged breaths of the men trying to outrun the undead monsters at their feet — and then we realize this is a flash of things to come. Ho boy. Why are Shane and Rick running from walkers away from the rest of the group? The answer comes seconds later when the show truly begins.

Rick and Shane are in a car as they appraoch, oh, so, obviously a crossroads. They exit the car and Shane says that they’re not “18 miles” away alleging to an agreed upon distance to dump recently patched up Randall, to which Rick answers that they need to talk. Oh, yeah, it’s going to be that talk. You know the talk that’s been building since pretty much the first episode? Rick matter-of-factly tells Shane that he knows what happened to Otis. Shane says without much remorse, that it was either Otis or Carl, and he made a decision. Carl. Not so surprising, Rick agrees with Shane that it had to be done. He’s more incensed by the idea that Shane thought that if given the same decision he wouldn’t have made the right call. (Lauren nee’ Spirit says, “The reason why we all think this about you, Rick, will be evident at the midpoint of this episode.”)

Rick has another not-so-much bombshell moment and tells Shane that he knew about he and Lori from the start. Now, this causes Shane (acted superbly by Jon Bernthal) to become sheepish. He can’t meet Rick’s eyes. He emphatically states that he didn’t see Lori in that way prior to zombie D-day, and that he did what he could for Rick in the hospital. Sure, maybe we believe this, but it’s all a little convenient nevertheless, and he knows it. Rick doesn’t really care about Shane’s guilt he just wants to clarify, “That is my wife, my son, and my baby on the way, so back off, temporary boyfran.”

If you’re going to do the long-suffering dialogue this show is becoming known for, this is the way to do it. Make it be about something that could change the outcome or direction of the show, make the conflict worth something and mean more than just philosophizing about the meaning of hope and the intangibleness of happy co-existence with murderous monsters around every corner. Shane seems to get the point. Whether out of defeat, respect, or calculation, he refuses the challenge and seems to accept Rick’s statements. They get back into the hostage shuttle truck and continue on their way with Shane sitting dejected and staring blankly out the window at a lone walker crossing a field while Rick prattles on about preparing for the upcoming winter. Shane has little interest, and we’re not sure if it’s because he doesn’t believe he’ll be around during “Winter Is Coming” or if he’s just not that logistical and is more, “Tell me what to kill, Hoss” and that is all.

They finally arrive at a Waste Treatment Plant which is prophetic because of what lies within. Rick and Shane decide this as good a place as any to dump Randall, new foundling albatross. They come upon two walkers, which Rick and Shane take out with knives since these guys are slow and stupid so why waste bullets when you can get up and personal, STAB, STAB! (Zombie Kills: 2) Oh, and yeah, you’ve already found two walkers — this is the best place to leave irritating shoestring, Randall? Apparently, yes.

Back at the Hershel Farm of Molasses Making and Paint Drying, Maggie and Lori are doing The Walking Dead Woman Activities like making sandwiches and discussing Michelle Duggar’s guide to talking to the menfolk. We then get another appearance from Beth, Maggie’s sister, heretofore known as Random Hershel Offspring Suffering From Catatonic Fever. She’s now all better, but yet, not. Oh, boy. She’s suicidal, or bored, or whatever and she may want off Hershel’s Farm of Story Development Impediment permanently, but well, Lori (Queen B as proclaimed by P. Diddy), doesn’t think that’s a good idea. She tells Maggie of Beth’s plans. Meanwhile Andrea comes in from Gun Toting and Face Grimacing and she and Lori launch into INANE WOMAN CONVERSATION 1,015. It starts somewhere around, “Hey, look, shit is bad, but killing yourself is a cop out.” to which Andrea, the resident suicide counselor at the Hershel Respite Conservatory and Zombie Barn, says, “Oh, hey now, everyone should be able to decide when and if they want servitude in hell with the flesh eaters.” Both are points that make some modicum of sense after zombie D-day, true. But! We’ve covered this territory already! How about we let Hershel and his clan of various and interminable offspring figure out their own post-graduate zombie apocalypse studies?

To that point, there was no resolution here. What started as one of those existential things, became a referendum about the woman’s role during a zombie apocalypse (and in life maybe too, eh, Walking Dead writers? Patoo.) Lori, the First Lady, is holding strong to the “Hunter vs. Gatherer” sentiment by telling Andrea that the men handle the Walkers while the women suffer, since Andrea doesn’t contribute to the cooking, cleaning, and laundering, and instead chooses to “Sit up on that RV working on your tan with a shotgun in your lap.” Oh, burn! No. Blerggg. And in true cat-fight zeal, Andrea retorts that Lori isn’t the boss of her, and she doesn’t need to do any of the lady-specific things Lori has laid out as someone, “Playing house, acting like the queen bee, laying down rules for everybody but yourself.” Urgh. Sheesh. I’m sure they wanted this conversation to mirror the one Rick and Shane are having, but this thing just came off badly, and like something in a bad Lifetime for Ladies show, however, I’ll give Andrea a point for driving home that Lori has a lot in her life the other’s don’t including a spouse, a child, and two men who love her enough to practically kill one another. She’s a hoarder, right?

Back at the treatment plant, Rick and Shane dump Randall on the ground and leave him a knife. He, understanding the implication, starts shouting things from his life that will hopefully make the men change their mind about leaving, “I used to watch football and screw around on the Internet, I lived with my mom … I rode the bench on varsity baseball,” he says. Oh, okay. That’s kind of cute. “Oh, and I also went to school with Maggie.” Bwwwahhhh, whatttt? Stupid, stupid, Randall. Now Rick and Shane know that he can probably find his way back to the farm. There are only two choices here. 1) Kill him 2) Take him back to the farm. Killing him right at this point would keep everyone safe, and well, he also tried to kill a few of the Grimes group before Rick saved him. Now, I don’t believe that if he went back to the farm he’d suddenly break free and join back up with his original group. No, not if he’s got relative safety, food, and shelter, but he’s an outsider, another mouth to feed, and has proven himself to be untrustworthy, so if you’re not prepared for that, you really have no choice but to kill him, because he was willing to do that to you a few nights ago, right?

Rick says no to Shane and I.

Shane says that this is why he can’t keep anyone safe.

Rick takes this to mean that he should pummel Shane into the ground to prove that he can keep people safe. HA! What starts as a fight on the playground between two boys over their prized Transformers, turns into an all out Wrestlemania fest. There are combos, and an attempted dropping of a motorcycle on one’s head, and then, THEN, Shane hurls a wrench at Rick which goes through a window. For a second we’re given the reflection of Shane, bloodied from his fight with Rick, ragged, out of breath and hunched. We are supposed to again see Shane as no better than a zombie in that reflection…right…before an actual one materializes. The horde from the opening scene comes through that open window (bounding down the opening as if there were a ramp made just for such a thing, heh) and descends on Rick, Shane, and hog-tied Randall.

One lady-walker breaks off from the group and goes after Randall. Just when it looks like he’ll become chum, he’s able to free himself and uses the knife Rick left to grind her head into mush. (Zombie Kills: 3) Rick fends off the first of the horde with another stab between the eyes (Zombie Kills: 4) and hides under him while the others leap from the building. A group is now chasing after Shane and this is where he holes up in the school bus. In his scuffle with Shane, Rick remembers that he dropped his gun under an abandoned car, and just as he grabs it, a Walker drops down on him, BANG! Got him. (Zombie Kills: 5) That’s not it! Here comes another. He falls on top of the first with jaws snapping as he tries to get to Rick around his dead zombie buddy. BANG! Rick nails him too. (Zombie Kills: 6) And if that weren’t enough, hearing the commotion and smelling fresh Rick-bacon a third jumps on his friend, all of whom are sprawled, dead, on top of Rick. Zombie trilogy’s arms are flailing wildly because Rick is just out of his reach, and Rick doesn’t have a clear shot over the two dead dung-heaps covering his body, so what else do you do in this situation but stuff the gun in the mouth of the one closest and use it as a cannon to launch a couple bullets into the live one trying to tear his way to your throat. Seems simple enough. BANG, BANG! (Zombie Kills: 7)

This is what a zombie show should be.

Shane is now trapped in the bus with only a flimsy door between him and about ten walkers. He’s slowly picked off a couple with his knife (Zombie Kills: 9), and then he sees both Rick and Randall running away. He knows for certain he’s being left for dead. Otis probably smiled for a moment. On their way out, Rick and Randall come across the two dead zombies at the entrance, (whose bites they couldn’t find. Foreshadowing, maybe?) and grabs their guns. Time has definitely run out for Shane, but like the hero he’s portrayed as, Rick comes back, now driven in the car by Randall, and they take out a few more walkers cowboy style (Zombie Kills: 12) and Shane leaps out the back and they all escape unscathed.

Oh, sigh. Back at that dang farm, Maggie and Beth are fighting about living and dying. Beth wants Maggie to join her in a suicide pact, which seems so very likely to happen while everyone now knows you’re suicidal. Andrea comes in to give Maggie a break, and basically tells Beth to just “Do it already. Cripes, you’re annoying.” No, she doesn’t really say that. She just leaves her alone instead of watching her like Maggie wanted. Beth tries the whole suicide thing but can’t go through with it, and somehow this means that she wants to live or something. YAY! Whatever.

Rick and Shane are on their way back to the farm, after they deposited Randall back into the trunk, because helping to save Shane’s life really doesn’t buy you much. Rick says what we’ve known since near the beginning, that yeah, he’ll probably have to kill Randall. Head. Wall. So basically that whole thing with the walkers was another needless risk he put himself and Shane in for not actually taking Randall out about two hours and twelve zombies ago.

This episode did showcase more action, which is great, but it still got mired down in the existentialism, that hogwash about lady jobs vs. men jobs, and whether or not to continue protecting the farm. Seems Rick shot Dave and Tony (Philly Cream Cheese) without this much thought, acrimony, and hand-wringing. Rick, you don’t want Shane to be the cold-hearted decision maker, but boy, sometimes you just don’t give him much choice, do you? As both Rick and Shane sit in silence on the way back, Shane sees that same Walker walking slowly in the field. He’s still on the passenger side, so ostensibly he’s just walking in circles. Metaphor for Shane and Rick’s relationship or the inevitability of the Grimes group on the farm? Perhaps.

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