Twilight set the pace, now The Hunger Games is hoping to Eclipse it in movie sales; Sacha Baron Cohen, the unfunniest human, ever, wants to prank the Oscars; Ryan Phillippe would like to work from home; Community will continue to get awesomer; and “The Rock” has dibs on being “The Suck.”
Remember when you just couldn’t wait to see Twilight: Pulsating Uteri last year so you bought your tickets like two months in advance and just hoped and prayed to sparkle-chested vampire gods everywhere that it would be just as you imagined, a crap-filled phantasm of suck? No. You don’t remember that? Okay, whatever. Some bajillion people did exactly that and crashed the Fandango website. Now, Lionsgate is getting in on the action for The Hunger Games: Jennifer Lawrence Pouts Beatifically With That Hemsworth Boy. Yesterday they began advance ticket sales and hundreds of Hunger showtimes are already sold out for the March 23 opening. OH NOES! They’ve broken records formerly held by Twilight Palsy: Bella’s Face Twitches and Body Jerks which apparently is something movies strive to do! So, basically, if you’re hoping to see the movie opening day you better log on to find an available showtime, or maybe you could show up at the theater and explode into a Monsoon of glitter dust. I’m sure that’ll work too. Not. [Deadline]
Yesterday it was reported that, Sacha Baron Cohen, who’s still doing that make believe thing he does where he dresses up as other people and parades around until someone attempts to punch him in the face, wouldn’t be allowed at this year’s Oscars ceremony. Why? Seriously, you want to know why? Well, because the Oscars are a serious thing only to be taken seriously! Cohen, of course, wanted to walk the red carpet decked out in full The Dictator regalia as depicted in his latest movie of the same title. The Academy basically said, “Bollocks on that, you wanker!” and rejected the actor’s proposal despite his appearance in the Oscar nominated film Hugo. Well, that’s just too bad. Weren’t we all so looking forward to the always funny antics of Sacha Baron Cohen? I mean, what would an award show be without Sacha Baron Cohen rushing the stage and attempting to give Billy Crystal an enema in real time, because I just imagine this is what Sacha Baron Cohen does while he runs around in real life dressed as fictional people. However, he may be victorious in his plight to out-annoy everyone on the red carpet! Today, there are reports that the Academy may be wavering. There’s no definitive word yet on whether he’ll be able to attend dressed as the fake Middle Eastern dictator, but don’t be surprised if he appears in costume. Run, Billy! Run! [Deadline]
Hey, smug, punch-face guy Ryan Phillippe, who we reported on last week, has decided to pull out of the upcoming CBS scripted drama formerly titled Golden Boy which he was recently committed to star in. Reports say he reneged on the deal because “working in television is hard!” Whine, whine, sniffle, sniffle. Oh, yes, Ry-Ry! You would have to get up early everyday, report to set, find your mark, and concentrate really hard on not forgetting your lines, all the while making minimally thousands of dollars per episode. THE WORK! OH, IT BURNS! and oh. my. god. what if the show is picked up for two seasons? That’s like a whole lot more work, right? Right?! GULP! I dunno, Ry-Ry. Maybe a life sitting by the pool and eating nachos out of a gold plated bedpan or whatever other stupid thing Reese paid for, is all the rigor your hairless, translucent, Hanna-Barbera Herculoid body can take. [Deadline]
Commune-o-hards! or Community-O’s (is this a breakfast cereal?) or #TeamCommunityBreezy! Yeah, you guys. Well, NBC realized the error of their ways, because they’re a bunch of weirdo, television parody robots, and decided that it was insane to keep Community off the air. So it’ll be back March 15, at 8pm, just where everyone left it, but that’s just part of the good news! Rob Corddry of Children’s Hospital will be back to guest-star in the season 3 finale. He and Jeff Winger (Joel McHale) will square off in Greendale Summer Fun Court, which sounds like a place that will have an ice cream sundae bar and cavity searches if we’re talking about Community, amirite? John Goodman will also return as Dean of the Air Conditioning Repair Annex, which should be fun and scary! Let’s all sigh together about the return of Community. All together now…SIGGHHHHHH! See, we’re all okay now. We’ll have Mad Men and Community in our blanket forts. [EW]
Total trash movie maker, Brett Ratner, is apparently doing some sure to be shit-nirvana movie about Hercules, because that needs to happen. It was like predestined. Seriously. What the hell else is Brett Ratner doing if he’s not thinking of a way to make poop circles on the big screen? And since Kevin Sorbo would even turn this thing down because it’s being made by scurrilous cheddar-ass, Brett Ratner, he’s casting Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson since his movie career can be summed up in three words, “See My Biceps?” Anyway, there’s that. Make sure you don’t see this movie. [Vulture]
