Remember when we said anyone who believes Mitt Romney gives a shit that you know he’s rich hasn’t been listening very closely? Yeah, well, not to be outdone, Rick Santorum has a message he’d like to share about his prescription for that little pesky thing called womanhood.
How about you ladeeezzz only do a few approved things like have babies (at all costs! Whenever and however I deem possible! No exceptions! Ever! Cue maniacal, crazy-man, insane gorilla laugh), maybe make a mean tuna sandwich, and never, ever do anything else like join the military, or you know, lift over 15 pounds, because your precious limp, glass-made, lady arms couldn’t take it, and oh, the crying! The horrible keening and blubbering you girls do! Gross! Silly! Men are so affected by it! You are pretty, pearly, trophy, Santorum receptacles! Nothing more!
Recently, as reported by ABC News, ecclesiastic, gumbo mash-mouth, open sore of a human being Rick Santorum said some stupid thing about how women shouldn’t be in combat because of the “types of emotions involved.” Like he cares one iota about the emotions of women. Don’t you get the feeling the teeny, tiny teardrops from a woman would probably make him blow chunks because she deigned to leak a fluid from her yucky lady-body, or wished to elevate her standing to that of an equal human being by doing so? So, after that comment, the ensuing backlash caused Puritan Pestilent Dick Oil, Santorum, to evolve his statement to say:
“I was talking about men’s emotional issues; not women,” Santorum told ABC News. “I mean, there’s a lot of issues. That’s just one of them.”
Oh, yes, because you’re so chivalrous. Thanks, Rick, you irritant ass boil. Oh, you were talking about some sort of human capability of sharing emotion equally between the sexes, because as homo sapiens we all have them? No, what he meant was that he thinks men would be so distracted by the emotional turmoil women cause that, like something out of a Harlequin Romance, they would put the protection of the women in their unit above the mission. Surely. “Hey, a woman is upset over here, all men on deck! Let’s get there as fast as possible so we can stand around, push the dirt around with our feet, give her a strong mug of whiskey, tell her she looks real purty today, give her a light punch on the chin that says, ‘Buck up, it’ll all be okay in the mornin, dollface'” All while the Germans take Normandy in a shocking turn of events.
“So my concern is being in combat in that situation instead of being focused on the mission, they may be more concerned with protecting someone who may be in a vulnerable position, a woman in a vulnerable position,” Santorum said.
Um-hmm, yes, of course. We wouldn’t want that would we, women being all vulnerable, you know, with their bodies made of warm butter, their arms, wilted and useless for all things other than diapering a baby, or cooking steak and home fries? The physical strength of a woman doesn’t rely in fighting for this country. Oh, ho! Of course not, that would be something of a misnomer. She should be home tending to the hearth with those weak limbs and delicate sensibilities and emotions.
“You throw on top of that just simply physical strength and capability and you may be out there on a mission where it’s you and a woman and if you’re injured, the ability to transport that person back. And you know, there’s just, there are physical limitations,” Santorum said.
It’s literally like he’s bringing the dinner table discussions he has in his home out for public consumption and scrutiny, either without fear, or because the belief is just so strong (and empirically inaccurate) that he can see nothing wrong with the statements. That by virtue of simply uttering these archaic notions we will all somehow be transported back before decades of strides in women’s rights, shifts in social norms, and the evolution of society from a place where women were akin to property to current day, despite what seems like the daily objective of Conservatives to jettison us back there like some supernatural plan made specifically for assholes. Again, the honesty of his statements are interesting and should be observed. Like Romney, he’s telling you exactly who he is. In his view, women don’t belong in the military period, even if myopically he recognizes that they are in fact there. However, that does little to change his core belief that women are just unfit for combat, as he shares in this little head pat here:
“Women have served and do serve and do wonderful things within the military and…they do have opportunities to serve in very dangerous positions,” Santorum said. “I mean they serve in very dangerous positions. And I certainly understand that and respect that and admire women for doing so, but I think on the front line of combat is not the best place and its’ not maximizing what they can bring to the table.”
Out of context with regard to the movie in which it was derived, this makes all the sense in the world in this instance. In the words of Col. Nathan R. Jessup to you, Ricky, “I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said “thank you” and went on your way.”
And as someone who has never served in the military, so has no idea first hand of the emotions of doing so, and how they’re handled when they arise, how about you keep your comments on the topic to just that “thank you,” eh, Rick?
