It’s time to get back into the gossip, Crasstalkers. Yes, of course you need to hear about the meaty, crazy, super important things celebrities say and do, because well, hearing about their lives is better than baseball! Well, everything is better than baseball. Now that we’ve come to an understanding about that, who’s been making a mess of themselves? What kind of debauched no-no’s have these A-list, B-list, and David Hasselhoffian-list celebrities, and those who just play them on television, gotten themselves into? Come, sit by Crasstalk, we have scoop, honey chile.
Is Khloe Kardashian a Secret Celebrity Lovechild?
Trying to keep track of all the Kardashian fodder is like trying to ride an avalanche to hell. Simply can’t be done. Regardless, it just keeps coming and coming like a garbage scow full of toxic waste.
The latest bit of crap-leakage — which is probably a direct result of that whole Kim Kardashian/Kris Humphries marriage scam that has somehow turned the nearly unbearable Kardashian clan into an even larger joke than it ever was before if you can believe it — focuses on the younger of the top tier Kardashians, Khloe. A few weeks ago two of Robert Kardashian’s ex-wives claimed that Khloe wasn’t really Robert’s biological daughter and that Kris Jenner’s supposed affair twenty-seven years ago is one of the family’s biggest kept secrets. Allegedly, Robert Kardashian knew of his wife’s infidelity, but decided to accept Khloe as part of the family anyway. Could it be because of who they suspect is Khloe’s biological father?
The National Enquirer reports that a source close to the subject claims that O.J. Simpson is really Khloe’s father. Urgh, really? O.J.? Oh, Christ. Yes, it’s well documented how close the two families were before, you know, that whole murder business, but is it possible Kris Jenner did the do with O.J. resulting in a love child fit only for tabloid hullabaloo? Probably not. But then there’s nothing that really surprises us about the Kardashians. Here’s the proof the Enquirer is hinging their claim on. This is a picture of Khloe Kardashian on the left and O.J.’s daughter Sydney on the right.
However this goes we’re sure Ryan Seacrest has bought the rights and is planning a reality show called, “Khloe Asks: Who’s My Daddy?” Terrible.
Chris Brown and Rihanna Keeping it Casual?
Rumors have been swirling for a few months about a Brown/Rihanna reconciliation. You may recall her trashy, new wave, drunken, druggy, mosh pit of a video “We Fell In Love” that co-starred an Irish model/Chris Brown doppelganger as the love interest. No one understood why that happened. Did she miss Brown? Was it about finally walking away from an unhealthy relationship the way she wanted? How much was drugs and alcohol really a part of their coupling anyway? All valid, nutty questions if you care about this sort of thing. There’s also been some Twitter evidence, because we are now in the day and age where Twitter can serve as a staid source in such investigations. Apparently the two have been tweeting back and forth for over year, some of those, stealth tweets! (Good god, what kind of world do we live in where there’s such a thing as stealth tweets?)
Now though, US Weekly, has put an end to the underground scuttlebutt and has decidedly declared Brown and Rihanna hook-up buddies. Apparently, every time she comes to LA she rings up fist-a-bruise Brown and they mack it out. There’s one problem that US Weekly can see (ONE PROBLEM?!) Brown reportedly has a girlfriend. Yes, a young woman named Karrueche Tran, an aspiring 5 foot model, from the looks of it, if those things really exist. Not that this poses a problem for Ms. Tran. According to the magazine, she’ll look the other way as the two lovers hook up in his recording studio, because that’s the kind of girlfriend you have to be when the superstar ex-girlfriend of your current boyfriend? meal ticket? future baby daddy? (No.) shows up to rekindle their controversial, abusive, fantastically maligned relationship. Yoikes!
Oh, Marky Mark, Just Leave Well Enough Alone
Our favorite former Calvin Klein model and ferociously wooden actor, Mark Whalberg, just won’t shut up about those boneheaded comments he made about what he’d do if he was a passenger on a 9/11 plane. It wasn’t enough that he offended family members of those who died on that day, in addition to discussion about what his wank-yank habits are, within the same article, he’d now like to clear the whole controversy up and say that it was the journalist that made him look like an insensitive, puritan, pin-headed, terrorist thrill-seeking thug. Yes, sirree, it was totally the guy writing the article that made you talk about how you’d take those terrorists out and when and how you like or don’t like to mustard your salami.
“I don’t go out doing publicity for movies or a magazine cover talking about what’s important to me,” he told the Kidd Kraddick Radio Show. “I want to promote the movie and whatever questions they want to ask me I am more than comfortable talking about. But it wasn’t a Q&A where it was the exact question and my exact response. It was somebody’s interpretation of it and you know… that’s not OK because I don’t want people to be offended. I would never do that.”
Oh, but you did, Marky. You did.
“This guy is asking me about sexual questions and I’m married and I have 4 kids, how inappropriate is that?” he commented.
Oh, we’d say just as inappropriate and weird as you answering them, and even to go so far to say some questionable bullshit about never wacking your yak. Nah, we don’t believe it. Your protest…we don’t really feel it, feel it, ya dig? You should let it lie though, bro, ’cause the rumor mill is already churning with how long it’ll take before your Tom Cruise glib/wacky/sofa moment happens. No one wants that. Well, that’s not true. Some of us kinda do. (WUT?!)
Say “Hi” to your mother for us.
Awesome Marky Mark photo by FilmDrunk.
