Jon Huntsman Is Dropping Out; Dozens Mourn

Farewell, Jon Huntsman

Mitt Romney stunt-double and Fantastic Four frontman Jon Huntsman stunned the dozens of people still following his campaign when he announced he was dropping out of the presidential race. Picking listlessly at his Low Country Boil Platter at Cap’n Barnacle’s in Charleston, Huntsman told largely indifferent customers that there was little point in continuing his campaign in South Carolina given his low poll numbers, his loathing of sweetened iced tea, and his mild shrimp allergy. Sources at Cap’n Barnacle’s say Huntsman’s campaign credit card was declined, and he paid with cash borrowed from his parents. Huntsman spokesman Ben Grimm said the former Utah governor would endorse  Massachusetts artificial life-form Willard Romney, “the only remaining candidate who shares Huntsman’s firm belief in a strong, Galactus-free America.” Huntsman supporters, such as they are, can console themselves with the knowledge that he lasted longer than professional jackass Herman Cain, or hapless laughingstock  and corndog eating contest also-ran Tim Pawlenty.

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